“FIZZ! BANG! WHOOSH! WOW!”
Some brave retailer is taking a punt on stocking the Japanese SEGA Toys Indoor Fireworks Projector. It costs an extremely unreasonable £129.99 and is, as you might expect from a piece of SEGA-badged hardware, currently IN STOCK.
And it will remain IN STOCK until they get a new boss and he orders a clear-out of the warehouse.
Fireworks are rubbish. Sorry, but it has to be said. People who like fireworks are a bit simple. It’s like when a cat is captivated by a torch being shone on a wall.
At least you can project “Happy Birthday” to yourself on the ceiling when it’s your birthday and all you’ve got to do is look at the ceiling. And look, a picture of a cake to make up for no one bothering to even buy you a cake.
THIS WILL NOT WIN YOU OVER:
“Because you can program your own shows and vary their duration and intensity, no two displays are the same. It’s like Bonfire Night, July 4th, Bastille Day and the climax of an Iron Maiden gig all rolled into one. Better still, proper pyromaniacs can get busy designing bespoke displays with the included pens and films. We guarantee guests will be awestruck. You might even hear some occasional oohs and aaahs.“Ideal for parties, special occasions and moments when you fancy gawping at a spectacular display without getting off the sofa, the Sega Indoors Fireworks Projector is booming well brilliant. Best of all it won’t blow up in your face. Which is nice. Phwoosh…Weeeee…BOOM!”
filed in "NEWS", SEGA IN THE MODERN AGE on Mar.08, 2010
March 8th, 2010 on 11:40 am
I’m assuming that wasn’t the official product release bumpf?
Just realised, it’d probably tell me if I bothered to click on the link, wouldn’t it? Hey ho. Apathy strikes again as can’t be bothered to check and can’t be bothered to retype what I’ve typed.
Either way, seems very topical (to me at least) coming just a short while after BBC4 showed the documentary about Iron Maiden’s Somewhere Back in Time world tour and after yesterday when I had a bonfire – Japanese Knotweed chucked on a bonfire pops and bangs like a load of fireworks going off. Tis much fun but, like fireworks, meant Mrs Punk had to put her fingers in her ears because she didn’t like it…
So there you go, a Japanese product that’s cheap, plentiful and probably gives about as good a fireworks display as Sega’s product…
March 8th, 2010 on 1:05 pm
If it had been manufactured by Sony it really would blow up in your face and leave you scarred and possibly blind/deaf forever.
March 8th, 2010 on 1:39 pm
Maybe I’m a bit simple, but if it projected the Sega logo onto the ceiling I would definitely be captivated.
If I could tear myself away from the sight I would definitely take a picture to send in here for everyone to “ooh” and “aah” at (those are wanking “oohs” and “aahs” by the way, not the sounds people make when they’re impressed by fireworks).
March 8th, 2010 on 1:40 pm
I’d like to see how this thing behaves on Bastille day. Does one of the nozzles double as a guillotined jugular which spurts the venous blood of the aristocracy onto the floor? Maybe it just emits a strong smell of garlic and accordion music and goes ‘aw hee haw hee haw’.
March 8th, 2010 on 1:54 pm
@Bulk Slash – What sounds do people make if they’re so impressed by fireworks they start wanking?
March 8th, 2010 on 1:59 pm
Fireworks are rubbish yet collecting batteries isn’t?
March 8th, 2010 on 2:51 pm
I agree with Bulk Slash. Sega have definitely missed a trick there. In my darker moments I might be tempted to buy an over-priced bit of tat that does the Sega logo when you switch it on.
What other reason is there for buying Sega hardware these days?
March 9th, 2010 on 12:59 am
Wank material still available
Proper hardware for pleasure still for sale…
March 9th, 2010 on 1:04 am
er…
wow
Is this worthy of an update Commander or just another splash in the toilet?
March 9th, 2010 on 1:06 am
Balls…should have used the search box…already been done.
Move along, nothing to see here.
March 9th, 2010 on 8:56 am
@Captain Whoops: I’m confused by the video you posted, how come at 43 seconds in, the spa thing is moving in the bath but the light it’s supposedly giving off isn’t? Surely it’s not even poorer than the video gives the impression of being, is it? IS it so bad they had to mock up the lighting effect it has?
I’m torn now as to whether I’m impressed they weren’t tempted to make out it gives a fantastic mind-blowing lightshow like Jarre crossed with Cousteau and instead had the self restraint to mock up something more believeable or just disappointed that it’s even poorer than it looks in the video…
Think I’ll just go with disappointed, it’s pretty much the standard response to Sega hardware these days, isn’t it?
March 9th, 2010 on 9:13 am
The Sega hardware division must be so cheesed off with the top brass saying “We need another light show gadget!”.
It would be more interesting to paint a couple of energy saving light bulbs red and stick them on a Saturn and have that floating around in the bath. At least you could dunk it under the water if it all got a bit too much…
March 9th, 2010 on 10:15 am
I think even better than projecting a Sega logo would be projecting the Dreamcast logo. I bet that rotating swirl would be excellent for hypnotising people. All you’d need is to sneak it into the London Planetarium and you could mass-hypnotise people into not buying the Playstation 3. Oh, imagine the possibilities for when the sixth form coach parties from all-girl colleges visit. That should be good for some “oohs” and “aahs”.
March 9th, 2010 on 11:38 am
Guests? Parties? Sofas?!
Do they seriously believe that such things might exist inside the home of the modern Sega fan?