Some brave retailer is taking a punt on stocking the Japanese SEGA Toys Indoor Fireworks Projector. It costs an extremely unreasonable £129.99 and is, as you might expect from a piece of SEGA-badged hardware, currently IN STOCK.

And it will remain IN STOCK until they get a new boss and he orders a clear-out of the warehouse.

sega fireworks projector

Fireworks are rubbish. Sorry, but it has to be said. People who like fireworks are a bit simple. It’s like when a cat is captivated by a torch being shone on a wall.

sega fireworks projector 1

At least you can project “Happy Birthday” to yourself on the ceiling when it’s your birthday and all you’ve got to do is look at the ceiling. And look, a picture of a cake to make up for no one bothering to even buy you a cake.

“Because you can program your own shows and vary their duration and intensity, no two displays are the same. It’s like Bonfire Night, July 4th, Bastille Day and the climax of an Iron Maiden gig all rolled into one. Better still, proper pyromaniacs can get busy designing bespoke displays with the included pens and films. We guarantee guests will be awestruck. You might even hear some occasional oohs and aaahs.

“Ideal for parties, special occasions and moments when you fancy gawping at a spectacular display without getting off the sofa, the Sega Indoors Fireworks Projector is booming well brilliant. Best of all it won’t blow up in your face. Which is nice. Phwoosh…Weeeee…BOOM!”