You’d think a reader would know better than to supply THREE lengthy paragraphs of text to accompany ONE photograph of a video game box with the ‘Ultimate Big Brother’ eye logo beneath it…

Nope.

THE MAN’S TOO MANY WORDS:

Given your esteemed websites status of being a website that vaguely cares about Sega things I thought I would bring a matter to your attention. I have been watching ‘Ultimate Big Brother’ which is the swansong of Big Brother on Channel 4 and contains all of the best/most desperate housemates from previous series. Aside from killing my few remaining brain cells, the show also leaves me with an urge to play my Dreamcast. Perhaps this is to be considered a reasonable response to such a terrible show but I wanted to investigate further. Mulling over this last night, it hit me. The ‘eye’ used in the promotional materials and graphics on the Big Brother house almost exactly resembles the eye used on the artwork for Condemned 2! I have attached exhibit 1 (of 1) which clearly shows the similarity between the 2 pieces of art. The same giant eye is present, and even bits of scratchy writing which are like the scratchy writing used in the title of the game!

Then I took things further, until I arrived at the indisputable conclusion that the launch of Dreamcast 2 is imminent! Condemned 2 is published by Sega, and the Sega logo is featured prominently under the eye on the box. Also, this is the box of Condemned 2. Why Condemned 2? Because Condemned 2 is a sequel, that’s why. And a Dreamcast sequel would be called Dreamcast 2. Condemned 2 is a gritty ‘horror survival’ game, which seems to point towards a new, grown-up era for Sega, and the ‘horror survival’ is the way Sega ‘survived’ the onslaught of Sony and Microsoft (Nintendo is no longer considered a threat, since it just makes toys for spasticated children and smelly women) . Also, the big eye is a symbol of omnipotence. It is the all-powerful Sega saying ‘I am still here, I haven’t forgotten about you!’ to all the Sega fans.

Let’s take a second look at the picture. The eye is set into a circle. What also fits into circles? Squares etc don’t, unless they’re really small. Other circles fit nicely, and also Spirals. That’s right, SPIRALS. What amazingly brilliant console used a spiral in it’s design? Here’s a clue: it rhymes with creamcast. Not convinced? Let’s look at the demographic for Big Brother these days. Literally dozens of people watch Big Brother. The males that watch Big Brother are downtrodden, Gamma males who are forced to watch it by their wives/girlfriends/carers. These same males were hunting down obscure Japanese Saturn titles a decade or so ago, and are now ripe for a Big Brother – related advertising campaign. Not convinced? Watch the show. The Diary room door, behind which the contestants cry or generally moan about being ‘trapped’ is featured incredibly frequently. In yesterdays’ show alone it was displayed for over 12 minutes! You may be cynical but if I were you I’d start saving for the Japanese release now. You don’t want to be late and miss the boat and pay a fraction of the price for the PAL release!

Does 3 paragraphs of poorly-written tosh warrant a link to my website? If not, please let me know because I can reel off additional paragraphs of rubbish ’til the cows come home.

Thanks, Hrrumph (bitteryoungishman.blogspot.com)