WHY GAMING’S GONE TO SHIT
Case file No.1
Michael Jackson – The Experience:
The only thing I’m experiencing right now is sadness, contempt and despair
Ubisoft only need seven idiots to buy this before it turns a profit and spawns the inevitable spin off title:
filed in ACTUAL GAMES, ENEMIES, PROMOTIONAL IMAGES on Nov.26, 2010
November 26th, 2010 on 10:07 pm
I assume the 360 version introduces Gary to Milo?
November 26th, 2010 on 10:32 pm
So does Senor Cutlack still work here or what? I’m confused as to why ten million people seem to be updating the site now.
Not that I overly mind, it’s just getting to be like the simpsons in that no one is really sure if Homer actually still works at the nuclear power plant or not…
November 27th, 2010 on 11:28 am
I still have a key.
November 27th, 2010 on 1:58 pm
It’s still Zorg’s gaff.
We just sometimes come round to play, eat his food and leave him to tidy up afterwards.
There’s no sex involved.
November 29th, 2010 on 12:14 am
I’m gonna have to go out there and say that I think the idea of teaching kids dance moves with the Wiimote is actually quite a nice idea.
Sorry, I really think so! I mean, if we just write the Wii off as something which is less a console as we have conceptualised it, and more of a family utility, then this doesn’t have to hurt as much as it might.
If I had to find a reason for gaming going to shit, it would probably be a generic FPS glamorousing the government’s military offensive in the Middle East finding its way into the hearts and bedrooms of a generation of impressionable young gamers.
As far as I’m concerned, I’m on the verge of forking out for an Alienware desktop and becoming a fully-fledged PC gamer. I probably play Napoleon: Total War more than I could ever be arsed playing anything on any console right now.
Another reason to ‘go PC’ is the increasing reliance on software updates on consoles. I don’t need to wait 15 minutes for a patch when I can just open up a command module and type in a line of code. This way even if a game gets arsed up, which it probably will be, the power of development is partially in the hands of the gamer.
Freedom, baby!
November 29th, 2010 on 1:04 am
Also, I was in GAME the other day playing catch with a tiger on Kinect, given some ill-advised intel that the Kinect might be fun simply because it had been brought into existence, and a bunch of purse-heavy mums were guffawing behind me with their kids in tow, saying things like “It’s good that, isn’t it?” and “It’s clever that, isn’t it?” and “Do you think little Annie would play that if we got it?”.
As I stood there, a fully-grown man, performing a game of catch with a not-real tiger cub before an audience of happy and well-rounded people, I realised that console gaming was slipping out of my disgustingly sweaty hands.
I realised, as my arms flailed through the ether, hungry for the familiar plod of the keyboard and the endless curlicues of the analogue stick, that I needed to fill these same hands with an interface that could be smeared with peanut butter left on the pinky finger, and one which could be thrown into the corner or picked up and shaken around in the air and slammed down on top of a monitor repeatedly when necessary. I didn’t want the machine to interpret my rage, I wanted it to submit to my god-like autocracy.
As I walked away, I could have sworn the little tiger on the screen gave me a look of longing, like a dog who tends to his master’s grave long after he has departed. I knew that was the last game of catch that me and the tiger would ever play. I decided right there and then that if I was ever going to get tennis elbow, it would be from playing tennis.
I returned to my bedroom, had a whinge about it on a few forums and settled down for a nice big rally on Dirt II for the PC.