NINTENDO HATE SPECIAL
Yes, Sega may well be going to shit these days, but let’s forget all about that for a moment and be comforted in the knowledge that Nintendo is equally powerless to stop ‘enthusiasts’ from making unlicensed toys. I give you – mutant strongman Mario:
And fish-lipped zombie Toad:
And post-op transsexual Princess Peach:
And a nice group shot:
Found while actively looking for shitty knock-off Nintendo merchandise to mock.
In other Nintendo news (since they must be the NEW ENEMY now that Sony are on life support with the PS3), Nintendo have decided on a cunning plan to halt the massive slide in hardware sales. They are going to re-release the console in black! Genius – that will sove everything!
Are Nintendo taking inspiration from Sony now?
December 2nd, 2010 on 2:28 pm
Bah – I wanted to buy one for this years’ ‘secret santa’. But they’re unobtainable :(
December 2nd, 2010 on 3:32 pm
Can we have a group shot where pre-op Princess Peach is taking Mario up the shitter while Toad acts as a fluffer for Mario?
December 2nd, 2010 on 6:08 pm
JOKE:
Microsoft unveils Kinect:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sC5Zg0fU2e8
GT5 reaches new heights of verisimilitude:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m7z25MrF1hk&feature=related
December 2nd, 2010 on 6:15 pm
Two things:
1. Black Wiis have been out since November 2009 in the UK, this is nothing new. They’re even re-released in a limited edition bundle with Wii Fit from tomorrow (meaning they’ve had three different black bundles since launch last year; Wii Sports Resort, Mario Kart and Wii Fit). There was also a red one, with Mario Bros in case you missed that.
2. I don’t really get the sheer knee-jerk hatred for Nintendo on this site. Sure I get the whole oldschool Nintendo Vs Sega fanboy rubbish, back when the reader-submitted artwork pages of magazines were full of Mario murdering Sonic or vice versa depending on what format’s magazine you’d purchased. But considering this site keeps pining for the days of “happy games” and “blue skies”, well when it comes to the three current platforms, that’s what the Wii’s offered regularly compared to the PS3 and 360’s array of brown post-apocalyptic FPS’s. Not to mention Nintendo’s the last games company from the 80s/90s glory days still making consoles, which they should at least be respected for. Where the likes of Atari, Commodore/Amiga and Sega fell, Nintendo are still hanging on in there (even doing well for themselves, even if it meant having to adjust their user-base) whilst having to fight off two vastly higher-powered consoles, one built by a company known mostly for their computer operating systems and another for their TVs and stereos. You know, credit where credit’s due.
Sure the Wii’s games catalogue is largely full of some utterly awful dreck, probably even more shovelware than the PS2 ever got (and the PS2 had a far greater array of great games to boost its quality ratio) and their godawful studio-apartment-celebrity-endorsed lifestyle advertising is sickening to watch, but there are some utterly lovely games on the Wii like Muramasa the Demon Blade, Ivy the Kiwi (designed by Sonic’s Yuji Naka), Okami (granted a PS2 conversion), A Shadow’s Tale and the quite literally beautiful A Boy and His Blob, to name a few (hell whilst flawed, Fragile Dreams is a really quite enjoyable experience even for its atmosphere alone).
All these titles and more (obviously including the often-brilliant Mario and Zelda franchise titles) are all the kinds of games I figured this site pined for in contrast to the samey ultra violent shit that’s constantly shovelled out on the other two higher-end systems. Like I said, I don’t deny the Wii’s good-to-bad ratio for its catalogue is really quite shocking (maybe a quarter to a third maximum isn’t bollocks) and Nintendo’s advertising is ghastly, but when it does things right I fail to see how those golden moments brand it the “enemy”. As if the 360 is some golden bastion of classic oldschool sunny gaming…
December 2nd, 2010 on 6:23 pm
The hatred for Nintendo is just ‘Ironic-sanclipuncation’ with a healthy dose of ‘diarecromantics’.
December 2nd, 2010 on 7:11 pm
Partly it’s traditional.
But also I have to say Nintendo have it coming. You make a good point that they make games set in happy pretend lands, but the problem is that they make the same fucking games set in happy pretend lands on every system.
And that’s even without the Wiimote-specific shovelware you talk about introducing gaming to slack-jawed cattle-folk who can’t cope with anything more complicated than bowling or fishing or maybe putting kittens in a basket owing to being too old/stupid/young. And now games are being increasingly focus-grouped to said cattle-folk.
Bah.
December 2nd, 2010 on 7:19 pm
her names egg monroe shes older
December 2nd, 2010 on 8:27 pm
Regie Fills-Aime is a Countdown fan?
her names egg monroe shes older would be a great title for a new morrissey record
December 2nd, 2010 on 8:39 pm
Urgent evidence for the prosecution!
December 2nd, 2010 on 9:11 pm
Never posted before but thought I should just say I love all you guys (semi platonically at least) except for that RachelRileysBicycleSeat who’s comment I didn’t read because it didn’t look very funny. And I don’t think an argument can be valid unless it makes me laugh derisively at the opposition.
December 2nd, 2010 on 10:00 pm
Things must be getting bad if Egg Monroe has come back.
December 3rd, 2010 on 12:18 am
I quite like those fake Nintendo toys. It’s like they’re from an alternate universe version of the 1993 Mario Bros film. I mean, why didn’t they cast Jesse Ventura as Super Mario? (at least that’s who I think it looks like) He would have been a great choice. Toad is a wise cracking Mexican midget in this version and this particular Princess Toadstool is actually Luigi in drag. It’s all part of a humorous plan to switch the real Princess with Luigi but it all goes comically wrong when Bowser tries to get amorous with Luigi thanks to the effectiveness of his cunning disguise.
December 3rd, 2010 on 11:53 am
I’ve never seen anyone write so much since… well, since weatherbox last posted.
I hated Nintendo back when I had a Megadrive. It was just the done thing. Nowadays I like their games and only poke fun at them in the same way my brother use to hold me down and spit in my face. Because deep down he loved me and didn’t know how to express it.
I certainly don’t buy in to the argument that they keep releasing the same game because they build a new engine almost every time. Except in the case of Animal Crossing. But for a game that attempts to simulate life, the idea of releasing the same game over and over so one can experience a series of bitter disappointments strung along by glimpses of a potential that is never reached is just about dead on.