A late night snack at UK:R HQ has resulted in an event of potentiallly biblical proportions. Whilst preparing several rounds of toast — one of which was to have been coated with a yeast based extract, a member of staff noted what appeared to be an image of a male face on one partially burnt slice. Further examination revealed the face to be none other than the heralded Sega music producer Richard Jacques! We tried to call Richard to ask him if he is the Second Coming, but his phone kept ringing and going on to answerphone. So we tried again and the same thing happened. Then we tried again but it said the phone was switched off. Why does Richard’s phone never work when we call him?

UK:Resistance has become the latest victim of the underground piracy scene as an unreleased update planned for later in the week was spotted circulating on ‘warez’ newsgroups today, just hours after its completion. The hilarious update, featuring a satirical slant at free tips books, took several minutes of painstaking work to complete. It is unclear how the early release will impact on the effectiveness of the piece.

Ooh, controversial!

Breaking News…
Sony to shelve plans for celebrity-endorsed EyeToy ad campaign.

Codemasters introduce the latest installment in the series devoted to this exciting and likeable Scotsman.

Colin McRae Rally 5 – What’s The Point? takes the series forward with a massive multi-event Challenged Career. Help Colin find the most relaxing position on his sofa as he watches the 2004/5 World Rally Championship on the Telly. Bonus stages include the 10 second walk to the Kitchen or the slightly trickier 12 second walk to the toilet. Hazards include avoiding the dog, catching his trouser pocket on the door handle and not bumping in to that little table with the phone on it. Individual damage models now feature, with Colin’s empty beer cans now crushable and the TV remote can lose its battery compartment cover. Available this autumn on Xbox and PS2.

Site updates cause mass panic
The games industry was left reeling today after the Thought-To-Be-Dead videogames website UK:Resistance was updated 5 times in one week. A shocked insider told us, “We thought Jon and Gary had given up but they’ve come back with all this, what’s going on?” High ranking executives at Sony hastily called a board meeting to discuss the implications of the updates – allegedly believeing it signalled the imminent resurrection of the mighty Sega. A furious Sony boss is said to have ordered the PS3 be doubled in power to counter what was certain to be a secret Dreamcast successor in development.

We’ve got the scoop! Yu Suzuki’s opus is set to conclude with ‘Shenmue III – Ryo Goes West’, to be released on Xbox later this year. In the continuing quest to avenge his daddy – Ryo travels to the UK and embarks on a nationwide adventure. Walking late at night on London’s Hampstead Heath, Ryo meets Paulo, a fashion designer who offers to escort him on his trip and gives him some leather trousers to go with his jacket. The normally passive natured Ryo becomes more versatile as the game progresses and he has plenty of opportunity to discover the true power he wields in his fists. Together they visit locations like Manchester’s Canal Street, and the cosmopolitan area of Soho in London, before a final epic scene of gang action in the dockyards of Portsmouth.