Speculative searching by keen reader spots Play.com indulging in “humour”! If only more major web sites made jokes in their product listings.

Play.com’s random Chocolate Orange incident. Will probably have been changed by the time you click on it.

So there we were, us and Ulala, just fooling around with a camera in the bedroom like young lovers do, when the MAGIC happened! She was electrifying, like a young Kate Moss. Beautiful. See how Ulala came alive:

What’s good for getting semen stains out of toys? And carpets? And curtains? And sofas? And wallpaper? And denim? And leather?

Featuring the astonishing “Premature Flesh is the Area Which Became Wet Hotly” and the classy “High Grade Class First Soap Lady”.

Every day we want a PSP a little bit more.
*SELLING OUT EVERYTHING WE BELIEVE IN SMILEY FACE*

Kyonyu Nurse Mitsu Amai (The Nurse of a Big Breast)
Release: 2005/7/8
Media/length: UMD Video, 120mins
Digital Mosiac: No
Price: 3800yen

Make a play of Riko Tachibana (Goku Hong)
Release: 2005/7/8
Media/length: UMD Video, 110mins
Digital Mosiac: Yes
Price: 3800yen

Soap Play of Anna Kaneshiro (High Grade Class First Soap Lady)
Release: 2005/7/8
Media/length: UMD Video, 120mins
Digital Mosiac: Yes
Price: 2800yen

Premature flesh is the area which became wet hotly (Hunting by Glay’s One)
Release: 2005/7/22
Media/length: UMD Video, 120mins
Digital Mosiac: No
Price: 3800yen

Erotic Terrorist Beautiful Body Noa (The Beautiful Body Ero Egoist)
Release: 2005/7/22
Media/length: UMD Video, 110mins
Digital Mosiac: No
Price: 2800yen

NOT-SAFE-FOR-WORK EXAMPLE LINK TO BOX ART:
Here (free worldwide shipping).

Although, compared to, say, attempted murder or dealing heroin, it is really. Here’s another thing we’ve just stolen out of today’s Sun newspaper, an advert for anti-piracy web site www.piracyisacrime.com which — as you’ll see below — has gone slightly mad in its attempt to say that piracy is the ROOT OF ALL EVIL.

We don’t buy pirate DVDs at work, we buy soup that costs one pound from Bene Bene across the road and occasionally a sandwich that’s 2.75 from Pret a Manger. If the afternoon’s really dragging we might go out to get a Double Decker or a Twix. These are all victimless transactions.

AND THIS IS EVEN WORSE
Here’s a picture of Jonathan Ross on a bike thing, telling us the quite ludicrous fact that “People traffickers force immigrants to sell pirate DVDs on the streets”. There are loads more stupid pictures like this here.

This photo opportunity is not a victimless crime. The victim here is poor JONATHAN ROSS.

Can you please stop putting an exclamation mark on the end of Xbox Live. You’ve got it confused with Vodafone Live! which does have an exclamation mark. Xbox Live is just Xbox Live. You’re making yourself look like a bit of a spaz in front of three million people every week.

We’re just trying to help. Although if anyone from The Sun would like a more factually accurate games section written for a very competitive rate, please get in touch. We can be racist about gypsies and foreigners, too.

We’d just like to say a quick and extremely sarcastic “Well done!” to whoever made these pretend game boxes for play.com’s ludicrous Xbox 360 pre-ordering campaign. It’s almost like seeing the actual shop shelves come November.

We’re certainly convinced! *PREORDERS PLAYSTATION4*

Play.com (UK) : Project Gotham 360 : Xbox 360 – Free Delivery

And with this news we say these words in a non-ironic and extremely serious way: PSP ROCKS! SONY RULEZ! WE WERE WRONG ABOUT ALL THAT DREAMCAST RUBBISH! SORRY FOR DOUBTING YOU, MR KUTARAGI-SAN!

Emulators for PSP

Name = MEGADRIVE for PSP (Genesis Plus port to PSP)

Authors /Website = PSP Wiki / kamisama

THREE STEPS TO HEAVEN:

Download it here (then, er, wait four months until PSP comes out over here. Maybe start up a “tech blog” to help pass the time).

This looks like Project Gotham Racing creator Bizarre Creations trying to patent its ‘Kudos’ scoring system with a little help from Microsoft!

United States Patent: 6,604,008.

Not funny, but you know, kind of interesting for a bit.

“Please do not e-mail me saying this is a scam and im scum i will ignore you!!” says eBay user jammie150, who promises to send you a PS3 “When released!! Which is sometime spring 2006!!”.

Why’s he only got three available if he’s presumably just buying them from a shop next spring?

eBay item 8195688443 (Ends 01-Jun-05 21:16:03 BST) – PlayStation 3 PlayStation 3 PS3 BUY NOW!! BUY NOW!!.

“That girl from Atari, the boy from THQ”…

Or, to put it more accurately, the freak with the beard, the smelly one, the psycho fat one, the weirdo who never says anything (no wait, that’s us! We’re not going), all the skinny balding ones with shaved heads and glasses, the stutterer, the one who’s handy for when you need coke, the ranting alcoholics, and, maybe, a woman, probably from the company organising it so it doesn’t look too one-sided.

It’s a video game industry singles night, and it will be the ALL-TIME WORST EVENING OF ALL TIME AND EVER. Even if you’re not there, the ripples this horrifying gathering will send through society will make it a dark day for ALL OF HUMANKIND.

And we’ll be scanning in the photos. Go here to read the FULL HORRIFYING DETAILS.