A man passed the Sega Park in Brighton seafront and thought of us. The place had two signs, one of which had the ‘G’ in SEGA and ‘K’ in PARK stolen. This is his story:

“I passed the “Sega Park” in Brighton seafront and thought of you guys. The place has two signs, one of which the G in SEGA and K in PARK were stolen by chavs who ventured off Brighton pier. In side “SEGA PARK” there are no SEGA games, in fact there is only really Tekken, one of those gay dance games for Chinese people and about 40+ slot machines. The people that work there aren’t very pleasant. I’ll try and get some pics of the inside of the place next time I go there but it’s not very SEGA-y. Enjoy the pics!”

This is his pic:

This should probably be our new logo :(

We asked. We asked MANY TIMES about if this is a joke or not. It’s not a joke. It was “a massive poster that went in US arcades to ‘promote’ the game” according to the Virtual On expert we asked. Get a load of it:

Photoshop was still in its developmental infancy.

By special guest updater The Cap’n.

With the onslaught of new SEGA-made hardware and toys running worryingly low – much like the porn-to-non-porn-application ratio on our hard drives – we thought we’d treat everyone to this. The SEGA PUNCHING BAG.

It’s built for HEAVY DUTY play, this is clearly important because it’s written in UPPER CASE LETTERS. Even in the 1960s SEGA knew how to market their hardware. Notice the pseudo-Nazi type on the SEGA logo. World War you say? 25 years ago? Japanese war crimes? What fanciful madness is this?

Nice, but we’d rather use a woman’s stomach. It’s free, apart from a bit of guilt but that goes away after the first few times.

This is also what the inside of a Sega Saturn looks like.

And here it is, looking in better condition than our poor Saturn, which has remained in confinement since the unfortunate Fighting Vipers incident in November 1996. That and the whole PlayStation bribing everyone in the world thing.

WE STOLE THE PICTURES FROM HERE:
http://marvin3m.com/arcade/segabox.htm

Sega could do anything in the early 1990s, such was the dominance of the Mega Drive. It was, dear children, a bit like the PlayStation2 of its day. Everyone knew its name, everyone wanted one, even the Game Gear was a bit cool like PSP and its TV adverts were stylish and much talked about. But sometimes power goes to your head…

…leading to the series of adverts that ran in Viz. Viz is a comic book for grown ups (students) full of the sort of sick, gutter humour we simply cannot stand. Sega went so far as to create its own special ads to fit in with the Viz style.

They’re not what traditionalists would call “funny”, and even in 1992 the idea of “waggling a joystick” being a bit like having a wank was a very old joke. Besides, the Mega Drive pad had a little d-pad not a THROBBING SHAFT so it’s not even based on reality.

Sega doesn’t piss in the snow, it pisses in the *wind*.

Nowadays it’s all viral marketing web sites. How we miss proper adverts with prices on. Thanks so SEGA SCOUT “No. 7” for the images, which appear to be scans.