…and at this point we turned it off and went out for an angry walk:

That’s WALK.

We’ve had some great PlayStation associations with murder this year, but you can’t get better than having the UN endorse your games console/violent crime assumptions.

The UN is apparently afraid that a “PlayStation mentality” will soon ENGULF the military world, resulting in everyone dying and suffering and paying £425 for things that are subsequently deemed shit and reduced to £229 and so on.

We’ve had to fiddle with the “back end” of the site and introduce a whole new PlayStation Murders sub-category to cope. Thanks, the United Nations! Sent in by a “Victor” or at least someone who gets off on pretending to be a Victor.

It’s fair to say the printed word loses virtually all of its magic when reduced down to five CD-ROMs with felt-tip pen descriptions.

Auction here, if you know someone who knows someone who inherited the rights to the ZZAP! brand name and back catalogue and think a complaint might be in order.

We’ve been saying this all along.

Part of SEGA [GENESIS] Classics, coming soon to the PC.

Apparently, there’s a new game around called Alpha Protocol. It’s technically “by” SEGA, as in it’ll be SEGA sending it out to the shops, then SEGA that processes all the returns nine months later, then SEGA that admits it wasn’t a particularly good idea in an interview in Edge magazine 18 months later and that it’s also refocusing efforts on the latest micro-trend instead.

But anyway. There’s a SEGA Saturn in it.

Play, which is where we find out about games nowadays due to having pretty much totally “lapsed,” says Alpha Protocol is subtitled “The Espionage RPG” which is about the least-thrilling description imaginable. Apart from, perhaps, “Squad-based Espionage Management RPG”.

At least, we think that’s what this is all about. We’re not entirely sure about things that reference youth culture and Tumblr.

“Popular New York hipster band MGMT recently released their blockbuster second album ‘Congratulations’ – the cover art by Anthony Ausgang looks strangely familiar” – Joe.

A man ventured into Currys. Is that still what men do? Is Currys still men looking at TVs and game boxes?

“I was perusing the shelves of my local Currys Digital at lunchtime when I came across this little beauty. I for one am delighted that ‘Gioteck’ is offering those ‘serious about their gaming’ the chance to make their dualshit controllers useable. You really couldn’t make it up” – Yiggy.

This makes Gioteck an ACCESSSORY to Sony’s crimes. And that’s meant to be a joke.

Amazingly, this piece of shit is out of stock.

Out of stock because of a fire at the distributors, we’d hope.

This one said we could have a free t-shirt as a reward…

But there’s nothing there for us. We don’t really want to walk around the local area with a three-year-old Eurogamer forum in-joke emblazoned upon our chest. See if there’s something in there for you here. They do at least appear to be competently produced to a Western standard.

You kids don’t know how lucky you are. In our day, we had to make to with Carol Vorderman spelling out the names of Mario characters. And we were grateful for the rare days she wore a dress instead of a trouser-suit. Now it’s all toned blondes in fetish shoes and SEGA references.

“Here’s a picture of Rachel Riley from Countdown spelling the word ‘Rez’. Also, the camera fired so that it looks like she’s stroking the word “Rez”, and therefore showing affection for it. This was mostly a coincidence, but managed to work out quite well. Whether she got the version with the vibrating peripheral is pure speculation at this point, but I’d say it’s more than likely” – Darth Canis.