We’d just like to say a quick and extremely sarcastic “Well done!” to whoever made these pretend game boxes for play.com’s ludicrous Xbox 360 pre-ordering campaign. It’s almost like seeing the actual shop shelves come November.

We’re certainly convinced! *PREORDERS PLAYSTATION4*

Play.com (UK) : Project Gotham 360 : Xbox 360 – Free Delivery

And with this news we say these words in a non-ironic and extremely serious way: PSP ROCKS! SONY RULEZ! WE WERE WRONG ABOUT ALL THAT DREAMCAST RUBBISH! SORRY FOR DOUBTING YOU, MR KUTARAGI-SAN!

Emulators for PSP

Name = MEGADRIVE for PSP (Genesis Plus port to PSP)

Authors /Website = PSP Wiki / kamisama

THREE STEPS TO HEAVEN:

Download it here (then, er, wait four months until PSP comes out over here. Maybe start up a “tech blog” to help pass the time).

This looks like Project Gotham Racing creator Bizarre Creations trying to patent its ‘Kudos’ scoring system with a little help from Microsoft!

United States Patent: 6,604,008.

Not funny, but you know, kind of interesting for a bit.

“Please do not e-mail me saying this is a scam and im scum i will ignore you!!” says eBay user jammie150, who promises to send you a PS3 “When released!! Which is sometime spring 2006!!”.

Why’s he only got three available if he’s presumably just buying them from a shop next spring?

eBay item 8195688443 (Ends 01-Jun-05 21:16:03 BST) – PlayStation 3 PlayStation 3 PS3 BUY NOW!! BUY NOW!!.

“That girl from Atari, the boy from THQ”…

Or, to put it more accurately, the freak with the beard, the smelly one, the psycho fat one, the weirdo who never says anything (no wait, that’s us! We’re not going), all the skinny balding ones with shaved heads and glasses, the stutterer, the one who’s handy for when you need coke, the ranting alcoholics, and, maybe, a woman, probably from the company organising it so it doesn’t look too one-sided.

It’s a video game industry singles night, and it will be the ALL-TIME WORST EVENING OF ALL TIME AND EVER. Even if you’re not there, the ripples this horrifying gathering will send through society will make it a dark day for ALL OF HUMANKIND.

And we’ll be scanning in the photos. Go here to read the FULL HORRIFYING DETAILS.

Forget the Xbox 360 launch, ignore PlayStation3, leave Nintendo DS the hell alone — it was all about feeling girls at E3 2005. And this is the most astonishing 2005 E3 “booth babe” feature of all, one posted by a bloke in a wheelchair who uses his pretend disability to GROPE WOMEN, take sick UPSKIRT PHOTOS and do the sort of things that normally get you escorted out of places.

Being disabled ROCKS, you get to grope women AND are always sitting down!

This reminds us of a really long-winded thing we wrote but never used about how it must be great to go through life with only one arm or leg. Because if you only have one arm or leg there’s no expectation to achieve anything or do anything with your life, so if, say, you manage to get a job at McDonalds while only having one leg, everyone thinks you’re some kind of *hero*. Easy life!

A FEW MORE E3 ‘BOOTH BABE’ FEATURES, THIS TIME NOT FEATURING DISABILITY SO YOU CAN ACTUALLY GET TURNED ON:

JEUX FRANCE
“Les booth babes de l’E3 2005”

THE TECH ZONE
“E3 booth babes”

GAME GAL (WARNING: SOME MEN)
“E3 2005 Hall of Shame”

1UP
“Booth babe Gallery”

IGN
“Babes of E3 2005: More Assorted Hotness”

IGN
“Babes of True Crime”

IGN
“Babes of Nyko”

Found any more? Email them in. And be thankful E3 isn’t held in Germany.

In the interests of impartiality, we present this new “screenshot” from Xbox 360 game Gears of War.

Looking suspiciously ten times better than anything else Microsoft has shown for its new machine so far, is MS “pulling a Sony” (this means LYING) in the wake of its E3 battering?

We hope this is Xbox 360-powered for reasons we can’t go into.

For the particular benefit of any UK journalists who went this year.

E4 SUMMARY — DISAPPOINTING

We stayed up all night to watch E4, and there wasn’t anything mentioned about video games at all :(

Joey and Chandler did play on a PS2 for a bit, but it was the old model. Glad we didn’t go all the way to America for this.

Here’s what we saw on E4:

9:00pm — The OC. Nothing mentioned about PS3 or Nintendo Revolution.

10:00 — Six Feet Under. Failed to reveal Xbox 360 specs.

11:00 — Friends. Nintendo Revolution controller not featured.

11:30 — Friends. No more PS3 games announced.

12:00 — Dawson’s Creek. Joey and Dawson reveal no next-gen console details.

E4 — rubbish.

From yesterday’s Evening Standard, which we fortuitously found on a train. It’s the old “Oooh, aren’t games getting more realistic?” case study, in which lots of old men who don’t play games pretend they’re REALLY OFFENDED by something which they don’t really even understand. Kudos to the ever-present ELSPA man for making it sound like piracy is the problem.

KEY PHRASE TO LOOK OUT FOR:
“The Microsoft console has graphics so powerful that explosions, blood and shootings look realistic”

Finding this was one of those great coincidences. We only get a “free” Evening Standard about once every 20 train journeys, so imagine our surprise on getting one AND it having a Sega story in it! Chance in a million! There was also a lovely photo of Kirstie Allsopp on the TV listings page. Email us if you also have a fetish for podgy women in big coats and scarves wearing bright green shoes. We could probably be friends.