And girls are going to REALLY LOVE IT:
Sorry that this is such a rubbish, boring update, but at least it won’t cause us any trouble. Expect more of this kind of thing in the future!
filed in Uncategorized on Jan.27, 2005
We went to see SEGA on Friday. We took lots of photos of the trip, so memories of the special day would stay with us for ever. Come with us on a beautiful journey. A journey to… SEGA Europe!
These are the clothes we’re going to wear to see SEGA tomorrow.
Is it time to get up yet? No. Bollocks! Must try to get some sleep. Go faster, time. Go faster!
Today’s the day! Hurry up, toaster! We’re off to see SEGA and mustn’t be late.
Six minutes until the train arrives to take us on our beautiful journey!
These other travellers look miserable. That’s because they aren’t going to see SEGA! If you could see our face you’d see a BIG SMILE!
This is the ticket machine at the underground station nearest SEGA. Just think, Yuji Naka may have pressed these buttons! We wonder if he got confused because every button doesn’t do the same thing like they do in his games?
Leaving the station! Are we out of breath because of all the steps, or because we’re excited?!
There’s a petrol station just down the road. Just think, Yuji Naka may have stopped here on a visit and bought some buffet pork pies and Monster Much for his lunch! Perhaps he bought a crazy English magazine, too, and got confused about which weird English coins to pay for it with!
We’re about to turn onto the road that SEGA’s office is on!
This is the road SEGA’s office is on!
We’re a bit nearer to SEGA!
And a bit nearer!
There it is! That’s SEGA’s office! You can just make out the logo on that grey building in the middle. At this point we were still excited about going to SEGA, but at the same time quite sad that we seemed to have been walking for AGES and it still looked really far away. Perhaps that is what the old TV adverts meant about getting to SEGA taking AGES?
It turns out that SEGA’s office is along what is essentially a motorway. Walking down motorways, even to see SEGA, is never fun. We console ourselves by thinking that Yuji Naka may have walked along this very motorway, only realising some time later that he probably would’ve taken a taxi.
We’re a bit nearer.
The office is a bit closer now, but still looks quite far away.
A bit further down the motorway. It’s a cold day and we wished we’d splashed out the six pounds a taxi would’ve been, like Yuji Naka may have done.
We really are nearly there now. It’s just down there on the left. Sadly there were lots of people standing outside the building smoking cigarettes, and there was no way we were going to take photos of the office while people were looking. We wouldn’t want SEGA to think we were weird.
SO WHAT GAME DID WE SEE?
We can’t tell you yet. Let’s just say it was a long-awaited update to a BIG NAME franchise that we played for an hour on Xbox and really liked.
filed in Uncategorized on Jan.24, 2005
EDGE magazine, the much-loved trade journal of Dixons employees, has relaunched its web site. Found at www.edgeonline.co.uk the new site brings news of the re-opening of the EDGE Café for young people, and also unveils a new slogan — “Making Jesus Known”. Relocating to Cosham, Portsmouth, new EDGE Online has also set up a series of local events, most noticeably a Music Makers Coffee Morning on Mondays and Thursdays, plus a Sports Club for Monday evenings — featuring table tennis, pool and refreshments!
Holier-than-thou attitude about games dropped in favour of religious support for the local community. This is an EDGE we can like! And may we also say well done to all the young people who raised £638 for the Disaster Appeal at the Car Wash recently.
filed in Uncategorized on Jan.20, 2005
Following EA’s buying-up of MORE THINGS yesterday (and, no doubt, today and tomorrow), quick-off-the-mark reader “The Lambrusco Kid” sent us this extremely satirical image of the future of non-EA video gaming;
And a big thank you to pantomime villain Electronic Arts for giving us an industry hate figure to unite against.
filed in Uncategorized on Jan.18, 2005
You couldn’t make it up!
filed in Uncategorized on Jan.17, 2005
Shockwaves reverberated around the UKR HQ today, as a bunch of losers whose only contribution to society is to say things suck in web forums announced that UKR’s previous update “sucked” in a web forum.
“Not funny” was the response from regular poster “Deg”, whose only contribution to society is to say how things suck in a variety of web forums.
Coincidentally, the witty insult “Not funny” was also used in a follow-up message posted by “Society”, the latest in a long line of profound, well thought out responses from the internet-using gamer whose only contribution to society is also based around saying how things suck in a variety of web forums without offering any reason, constructive criticism or valid links to his own worthwhile creative output.
A UKR spokesman countered the incredibly deep accusations by penning an update in which the people whose only contribution to society is to say how things suck in a variety of web forums were firmly mocked, an update featuring a final line highlighting the irony that the update itself is likely to be deemed “not funny” by the very same people whose only contribution to society is to say how things suck in a variety of web forums it set out to ridicule.
filed in Uncategorized on Jan.14, 2005
While looking through old notebooks for ideas to rip off from when we were younger and funnier, we found this. It’s a little poem we wrote about Dreamcast. We don’t remember if it was meant to be ironic or just sad — but it sure is purty!
Oh lovely little Dreamcast,
You are the best,
They said.Oh lovely little Dreamcast,
You’re not the best,
You’re dead.
It’s hard to imagine that we once sat somewhere, purposefully got out our little notebook, and wrote that down. If you’ve ever written a poem about Dreamcast please send it in. We can probably be friends.
filed in Uncategorized on Jan.12, 2005
Electronic Arts is pleased to annouce it has gained exclusive rights to use the letters “E™” and “A™” in all its future gaming products.
Starting from January 31 2005, only E™ A™-branded games will be able to use the letters E™ and A™ in their names and in-game text — a hammer blow for all developers that make games with words in.
“We™’re™ re™a™lly ple™a™se™d tha™t E™A™ ha™s ce™me™nte™d this de™a™l” said E™ A™ spokesman Eamonn Eveshare. He continues “we™ a™re™ now pla™ce™d we™ll to le™a™d the™ ba™ttle™ on ne™xt ge™ne™ra™tion console™s a™nd furthe™r e™sta™blish E™A™ a™s the™ world’s le™a™ding e™nte™rta™inme™nt bra™nd”.
Worst hit by this bombshell is Eeyore Entertainment, with the release of its Q1 text adventure game Beevil the Evil Weevil’s Extreme Sea Search thrown into immediate doubt. Their spokesperson Annabel Eaves was unavailable for comment at time of going to press.
In unrelated news, Russian developer Zyrstsky Gymz’s shares were up 139p at close of business.
filed in Uncategorized on Jan.11, 2005
Well done to a Mr S. Miyamoto, whose hilarious submission entitled “Mario characters in NBA Street V3” is the funniest piece of Photoshop comedy we’ve seen in ages!
What’s that, Shigeru? It’s real? This is an ACTUAL PROPER GAME that’s really coming out and NOT a joke at all? You’ve REALLY sold Mario’s arse to EA for a few magic beans? Wow, that’s a new record depth you’ve just plummed.
filed in Uncategorized on Jan.10, 2005
To celebrate Need for Speed Underground 2’s capture of the Christmas number one slot, we’re organising a global mass suicide of games developers and players. The mass suicide will take place on Saturday January 8. Join us! Do it at whatever time of day you like because IT DOESN’T MATTER ANY MORE. Post a message on the forum before you do it so we can keep count. We’re hoping for at least 100.
And this is why.
filed in Uncategorized on Jan.07, 2005
THIS IS HOW IT ALWAYS ENDS
