Oh no, it’s Monday and the whole internet is discussing Halo 3 review scores. We haven’t got a Halo 3 review score and, by the looks of, it you’ve got to have a Halo 3 review score to be considered important and get talked about on other gaming site forums. That’s a dilemma seeing as we haven’t got the game or even played it yet. (Too slow to get down to Argos/Tesco and not important enough to be sent a copy) But who cares, WE MUST HAVE A HALO 3 REVIEW.
Graphics: We’re only judging it on screenshots and YouTube videos but it obviously looks better than anything on PS3 117% Sound: It’s got music and sound effects like explosions and laser guns. They’ve probably put some clever stuff in that makes sounds come out of different speakers aswell. Amazing! 6/5 Gameplay: We’re guessing it’s like other Halo games but better as they’ve had ages to work on it ****** Overall: Epic, awesome, incredible etc. 11/10
Poor old Three Speech has had the tough job of doing lots of updates about Sony’s ABYSMAL Tokyo Game Show performance. They’re not even attempting to put a positive spin on anything. It’s brilliant.
Here are some of the best comments from this update about the TGS DualShock 3 announcement:
“My question is: Why the hell do America and Europe have to wait until spring 2008 to get the new controller when Japan gets it in 2 months?!?! It is not as if there is any localisation to be done! It’s a really moronic strategy really.”
“I think that nowadays I’ve wasted my money with PS3, no LBP, no Home, and now, a new controller with rumble, a thing of the past said sony in E3 06.”
“Can you ask Sony why America and Japan are getting vibration this November and we’re not getting it til Spring? Cos a lot of us are pretty ticked off at being screwed over again!”
“I still remember an official statement by Sony, just less than one month ago, they say no rumble feature under development for PS3 controller, neither in future.”
And here are some from this one about the delay of 1997 3D PC avatar system Home until next “spring”:
“‘You get what you pay for’!?!! A 425 bookend isn’t what I had in mind.”
“I really don’t see how anyone could be delighted with the quality offered by PS3 so far. Underwhelming European store updates, games coming out weeks after their 360 counterparts or being shunted into 2008, new SKUs and controllers barely a year from the initial release. I really wish i could afford to say the games are just a bonus but i bought the thing as a games machine and so far it just hasn’t delivered.”
“I thought Sony were telling the truth in their pre-launch hype that is why I bought a PS3 at launch. Singstar was supposed to be a launch title for goodness sakes. The pre-launch title schedule looked amazing, now we get shafted time and again on pricing,releases,information and store updates.”
“Seriously–how do the execs at Sony expect to turn things around with crap 1st party software (Warhawk excluded), delays, and a crap online service(currently… and maybe still in the future, if @ Home doesn’t show up in Spring…)? Seriously? Are the Sony execs even tuned in?”
“Developers are jumping ship too as they keep slandering it, the ‘competition’ is owning the PS3 on all fronts. The PS3 doesn’t really have anything that sets it apart. Where are all the classic games we were promised for the PSN ? I’ll tell you, they’re on the Virtual Console and on XBLA.”
PRIZE WINNER: “Simply not good enough. The Delaystation3 is beyond a joke, delays, more delays, no news or information from Sony, poor ports of games. The store is substandard at best, you are trying to con us into buying aged PS1 games for a second time. The so called console seller Hevenly Sword was in my opinion a step backward in gaming. I am not at all happy with this situation or this console. I cannot believe Sony have treated loyal customers in this way.”
“Vote with your wallet people, its the only thing that hits these corporations.”
Well done to all concerned! And a particularly big well done to Sony Europe, for continuing to fund the internet’s largest anti-Sony blog.
Sonic’s back, in his dialogue screen-iest adventure yet! Seriously, there’s way too much chit-chat between levels, especially when most of the talking is being done by Marine The Very Cliched Australian character. As a rule, conversation is something to be avoided as much in video games as in real life.
Other than that, though, it’s top hole. And bottom hole. Very nice.
There really is a bit too much of this. In one screen she uses the word “bugger” which, for old people, is a very rude word as it’s about gay sex. SEGA could have a PR disaster on its hands if an old person plays this.
But then there’s loads of this, which is good. Although being MADE to replay levels to collect enough materials for Tails to build his gadgets (it takes the game 55 dialogue screens to say that) is a bit of an odd thing to happen in a game.
But then there’s lots of this, which is also good. Compared with the best Sonic games it’s a good 8/10. Compared with the rubbish 3D Sonic games it’s a good 9999999999/10.
It was quite good when we did it last time. This one won’t be as good as the source material isn’t as conducive, plus there’s a smaller text area to work with. Just do your best, okay?
If we get three good ones we’ll be happy. Email to here.
The blank. Knock yourselves out, preferably in size 16 Verdana.
It’s the rumbling PS3 controller. The DualShock 3. You know, the thing Sony said would never happen. Well, it turns out games are shit without rumble to let you know when you’re driving over a kerb or getting shot from behind. Hence this.
This would be at number one, were we to compile a Digg-pleasing list of the TOP 10 GREATEST BACKPEDALS IN VIDEO GAME HISTORY.
Egg. On faces. Humble pie. In stomachs. Reputations. In RUINS. Lies undone and flapping in the wind. Financial forecasts. Broken. PS3. DEAD.
Just in case you need to find it in a hurry later today, here’s a link to the quote where Sony Europe’s top man Phil Harrison said rumble was a “last generation” feature.
Here’s our favourite photo of Phil, along with the no-rumble quote in full:
“We have no plans to do so in the standard controller that ships with PlayStation 3. I believe that the Sixaxis controller offers game designers and developers far more opportunity for future innovation than rumble ever did. Now, rumble I think was the last generation feature; it’s not the next-generation feature. I think motion sensitivity is. And we don’t see the need to do that.” – Phil Harrison, Sony, February 2007.
Here’s a photo of Kaz Hirai, as he’s the one who drew the short straw of having to find a way of making the re-introduction of a “last generation feature” sound like something new and exciting.
The challenge is to keep looking forward while flanked by a couple of solid 8/10 booth floozies.
He is looking forward. Well done.
He is still looking forward. Well done.
Whoops. HALO 3 EXCLUSIVE: Master Chief prefers Japanese girls when they put their hair up. How we would love to see photos 4 to 99 of this series, where he gradually relaxes more, takes off his helmet and starts teaching the ladies how to hold a gun.
It’s not looking particularly rosy. If you remember any of SEGA’s arcade games from the 1980s or 1990s you might want to look away now. It isn’t AM2 versus AM3 to see who can make the best racing game any more.
This is “SEGA Race TV”. They can’t even be bothered to think up names. This sort of thing belongs in Empire Interactive’s PS2 budget range, not in a SEGA arcade cabinet. Sometimes you just know. This time we just know.
This is the “Sonic Spinner”. It would appear to be a machine you put some money into, then watch a few lights flash, then walk away disappointed and resolving NEVER to go into a fucking amusement arcade ever again. And they’re using the ancient Sonic Adventure artwork. A genuine global SEGA tragedy.
And in one of those lovely coincidences that occasionally makes doing this fun, someone spotted a variation of the Sonic Spinner out in the wild at the weekend. He took some photos and a video of it, like a good reader.
“I came across this, this past weekend and figured since you catalogue every other piece of Sonicdom, you’d like to add this to your collection. It’s called the Sonic and Tails Spinner and I found it at the Contemporary Resort located in Walt Disney World. I didn’t play it because I didn’t feel like wasting my money.”
“Basically, there are two buttons on the cabinet, one Sonic and one Tails. You hit the Sonic button first, the numbers light up and eventually the light lands on one number. Then, you hit the Tails button and it does pretty much the same thing. Sonic’s number is then multiplied by Tails’ and that’s how many tickets you get. It plays Twinkle Park (the actual park part) music. Thought you might like to see this. Thanks and peace – William Winikus.”
“And here’s a video. Nothing happens in it so don’t excited. You can hear the music being played though and see machine in all its spinning glory (even thought it’s not spinning).”
THE ENTIRE, RUBBISH, BEWILDERING PRESS RELEASE
SEGA “Race” to reveal London Preview Line up
Sega Amusements Europe Ltd. will reveal a star studded cast of new product at this year’s London Preview. The world market leader will have more than nine new pieces on offer, with both World and European exclusives.
Headlining will be Sega’s brand new Race TV an all American style twin driver. The all singing all dancing driver is full of thrills and spills, with 4 car multi-play, 8 unique character drivers, 5 courses, licensed cars, a special boost feature, real time live commentary and special password accessing. The twin cabinet is sure to delight with its eye catching look!
Shoot This Win This will add even more fun to the line up – this gun shooting “skill based” game will have its global unveiling at the London show and is sure to wow audiences. Shoot This Win This is a single player, skill based shooting game, giving players the chance to play 6 carnival style mini games on a 26″ TFT widescreen and win prizes. Developed in conjunction with Hollywood gaming Shoot This Win This also offers an optional redemption facility making it even more appealing to players and operators alike – a sure fire hit!
Continuing the prize theme Sega’s UFO Catcher is ready for take off after extensive successful onsite testing. The skill based prize concept game with its bright look and clean lines creates the perfect platform to display a wide array of merchandise including boxed product. An inbuilt ‘Media Pack’ including 19″ monitor and speaker system gives operators the opportunity to advertise game play techniques and in machine prize items.
With a legendary reputation for producing No. 1 gun games it is only fitting that Sega should choose the London preview for the first European viewing of Primeval Hunt. This two player prehistoric hunting game has all the elements of extreme hunting – stealth, cunning, and skill – only bigger. Players test their wits by tracking and hunting dinosaurs across vast landscape. Unique features include the free roaming, touch screen; pump action gun, 2 player match play, and game progression. Primeval Hunt is on the mighty Lindbergh platform and available in both standard 29″ monitor and deluxe 50″ monitor versions for a monster experience.
Justin Burke, Sega’s Marketing manager had this to say about this years preview, “Sega’s line-up at the London preview will provide lots of variety for our clients, with strong products covering all areas of the market including, an exciting new driver in Race TV, the hard core gamers favourite Initial D4, new redemption pieces like Sonic Spinner, the fun family game Shoot This Win This and a further addition to the successful SEGA kids range – a licensed card vending Thomas the Tank Engine game.”
Paul Williams concluded, “Our dedication to develop all round family product continues after the success of Let’s go Jungle this summer. The venture for Sega Amusements Europe into the prize business is very exciting with big plans in the pipe line for the UFO catcher.”
Amongst other pieces on display at the SEGA stand will be Virtua tennis 3, After Burner Super Deluxe, Virtua fighter 5, Manic Panic Ghost, Ghost squad Evolution and Extreme Hunting 2 Deluxe.
Can we have a hi-res version of this, please, Nintendo? It’s on your site here. We refuse to believe that a company of Nintendo’s means uses a camera with a maximum resolution of 230 x 160.
Thanks. It’ll make a good update. Probably even a funny one!
