Yes, that is our entire life right there. We should probably buy this. It will understand us. We could be friends with it. *SAD SMILEY FACE*

The national sport of England. Simple, beautiful, timeless and enjoyed by all — but that’s enough about ‘Snake’ on Nokia mobile phones.

THE POINT IS…
We’ve made some “jokes” about how EA’s Cricket 2005 might look, considering that EA is making games mainly for pikey youths who want to work at Jamster when they leave school so they get all the free ring tones they could ever want.

Here’s the first. More cricket “hilarity” all week. Friday’s is the best.

EA has captured the essence of the sport and enhanced it by including several exciting new “special moves”.

Finally! The most-wanted console of all time is unveiled! THRILL at its network ready design! WOW over its connectivity features! SWOON at the list of world-beating developers already on-board! Say “Gosh!” when you see its mobile memory system! Surely this will take over the entire world!

OMAR SHARIF’S 3D BRIDGE

From the people that brought you Oliver Reed’s Wrestling.

10% — Creativity-challenged magazines copying ideas out of ‘Jack’
25% — The effectiveness of using “They started it” as an excuse
30% — Having to wait eight weeks for a response
35% — Shenmue obviously

Yes, of course that’s a deliberately misleading headline designed to strike fear into certain hearts. The point is the forum at Gaming-Age found the below image of “Xbox 2” on Amazon. Beautiful in its simplicity. We can’t wait to get one, despite reservations over that controller design.

The Amazon “review” uses the following words and phrases:

subject to change
strongly hinted at
rumoured
speculation
rumours
allegedly
expected
suggest
undoubtedly
it’s thought that
no official announcements as yet
widely rumoured
hinted at

Read the full ludicrous guess-piece here (then maybe write a news story on it for your web site or cynical-yet-insightful industry blog). We’re waiting for the first reader review to appear.

Lovely New Lara comes with a bluetooth mobile phone headset, no doubt designed with a lucrative tie-in with Nokia in mind. But what is she saying? Who is she talking to? It’s READER INTERACTION TIME!

There is no joke here. Reporting facts like these makes us feel like Michael Buerk standing in famine-torn Africa in 1984, or that bloke who said “Oh the humanity” when that air-thing caught on fire. You can see the disaster for yourselves. Words are meaningless at desperate times like these.

BECAUSE…
FIFA Street has taken over the country. It’s probably going to win the general election. A CG Wayne Rooney will be prime minister, and new education minister MC Harvey will write a rap about school dinners. He will rhyme “reconstitued meat” with “FIFA Street”.

Will the last person leaving the country please turn off the power strip so the Xboxes don’t go up.

We’d find it easier to go into a pharmacy and ask for “AIDS CREAM” than go to a game shop for a copy of FIFA Street.