JUST IN: MIYAMOTO IS/WAS A DIRTY LITTLE LIAR
This is something that’s been bothering us for quite a while now. We remember reading a quote by Shigeru Miyamoto about how Super Mario World was ONLY possible on the Super NES and being rather skeptical. While there actually are some bits of it that can’t be done on the NES (the boss fights, that huge Bullet Bill in the very first level that comes in and scares the shit out of you), his example was simply a disgusting case of passive-aggressive SEGA-HATING: (taken from hint book/Nintendo propaganda booklet “Mario Mania”)
Yes, whatever you say, Shiggy. We’d like to introduce you all to this- a homemade port of Super Mario World to the NES made by some enterprising Asian hackers:
It is, sadly, the only NES game we really like, as we don’t have the attention span for things like Contra or Rad Racer. This has caused a life-long alienation from internet forums where people sit around and talk about how great the NES is/was.
So that’s it- Yoshi does everything he does in the SNES version; eat berries and enemies and spit fireballs. When you get hit he doesn’t run away as fast, which is fine with us because his “running away” animation in the SNES version always made us think Yoshi was running to the nearest bottomless pit to commit suicide or something and made us feel uncomfortable.
filed in Uncategorized on Mar.21, 2008
March 21st, 2008 on 6:03 pm
Miyamoto is a hack.
March 21st, 2008 on 6:26 pm
What? Fucking hell. A tenuous link to Sega at best.
I don’t give a flying fuck what Miyamoto has ever said about anything.
Did you think that you’d add a speech bubble to try and appeal to the UK:R readers? Here’s a tip you fucking twat, it only works if you type something FUNNY in there.
And for fucks sake, stop calling it a Genesis.
I’m sure your new fad of downloading ROMs will soon die out by the time you hit 18 and discover that you’re a homosexual.
March 21st, 2008 on 6:43 pm
This will not end well.
March 21st, 2008 on 6:59 pm
Utterly, utterly, utterly, utterly, utterly, utterly, utterly, utterly, utterly risible.
Zorg used to gaily point out how unbearable this sort of agonisingly trite writing is. Now it’s on his site!
Please, for the love of God, stop.
Why has this stuff got to be scrawled all over one of the internet’s very few genuinely funny websites?
March 21st, 2008 on 7:20 pm
I went to the trouble of retrieving both my username AND password just to post this.
1) ROM hacks are usually not able to run on real NES hardware, only on emulators. So the central premise of your merry little waste of my time is incorrect.
3) No one has ever had the shit scared out of them by the giant Bullet Bill. That’s just you by yourself, like everything else in your life.
4) Please go away.
5) Who’s the “we” you keep referring to? See the second sentence in point 3, you bollocks.
6) Sceptical is spelt with a C not a K you fuckwit. That applies to any Americans reading too.
I feel negligibly better now. Fuck, it’s already worn off.
March 21st, 2008 on 7:26 pm
5) Swill is both dumb ánd dumber… :(
March 21st, 2008 on 8:03 pm
grytpype- just to be pedantic (because i know too much about crap old pirate games) the nes version of super mario world was actually released in a real cartridge that you can play in a real nes and everything, its not just a rom hack.
swill man is still shit though.
March 21st, 2008 on 8:18 pm
get this shite off
March 21st, 2008 on 8:27 pm
This is UK:Resistance, it’s SNES and Mega Drive, not Super Nintendo and Genesis.
March 21st, 2008 on 8:28 pm
“Who’s the “we” you keep referring to? See the second sentence in point 3, you bollocks.”
I’m glad it’s not just me that this has been irritating. As per usual, I could tell it was a swill post solely by the tiresome post title and first line or two, what with all the ‘us’ and ‘we’.
Actually, the entire concept of a front page full of essentially saying how great Super Mario World was, is starting to convince me this is some kind of EGM style ‘april fools joke done months before its time’. Those seem to be pretty popular in America.
Not here though, Swill. Go away, please.
March 21st, 2008 on 8:32 pm
Did you say that a Mario game was “very impressive, and enjoyable to play”?
Well fuck me.
I’m having some kind of freakout.
I came here after checking I was still winning on an eBay Sonic Baseball Jacket, and expecting something as awesome as the awesome RJ interview and I find Mario love, thinly-veiled by Miyamoto hate.
Fucking hell on a tricycle.
March 21st, 2008 on 9:20 pm
:(
March 21st, 2008 on 9:21 pm
If Mario was so mint then why’ve I got Sonic on the dashboard of my British car? eh!
I also took the picture in a nice big resolution.
March 21st, 2008 on 9:26 pm
Swillman makes baby Jesus cry.
March 21st, 2008 on 9:52 pm
I used to love UK:R. I was even one of the 4 people who bought a No Gangs in Games T-Shirt. This is my first ever comment here though. Swillman has lowered his well-padded backside over this site and repeatedly sprayed his foul effluent across it. That is all.
March 21st, 2008 on 11:59 pm
fuck me! just when you thought it could get no worse, theres PICTURES OF AN OLD SNES GAME and THEN THEN FUCKING THEN!! MYIMOTO! AND I MEAN really WHY?!? oh my god…. this is awful.. seriously, This joke has gone on long enough, someone execute Swill, gang style – or let him go and write more shit about Hannah Montanna, as I assume thats what he jacks off to
Word Varification – Mygma – Smegma left over on your cock when you fuck your mum
March 22nd, 2008 on 12:03 am
God, I hate being the tough guy on the internet, but my god. I was able to put up with the other posts, even if they weren’t Zorg quality. This absolutely hit a new low, however, and proves he really ought to keep his postings to Something Awful so that I don’t have to read them.
I mean, seriously, a speech bubble? A fucking speech bubble?
I want to apologize on behalf of decent Americans everywhere for all he has put you through. Except for his use of Genesis instead of Mega Drive. Genesis is a better console name, period, perhaps even the best console name of all time. This is not up for debate.
March 22nd, 2008 on 12:21 am
Fuck me sideways! Well done on another shite post, Swill. You’re certainly living up to your name. What’s next? A Jaguar vs 32X diatribe? I can hardly wait for your next post. And if you couldn’t tell, THAT was irony. You cock end.
March 22nd, 2008 on 12:37 am
Is this some sort of trial-by-fire where we will end up respecting Zorg’s posts even more while this rectum-produced content slowly clogs the site? If so, it’s working.
You can stop now.
Please?
March 22nd, 2008 on 12:38 am
“Genesis” is for bible-bashing types, suits the US fine as far as we can tell.
Garry, this has gone on long enough. End it, please.
March 22nd, 2008 on 12:56 am
I think Swill must be a joke character, this latest post seems to be more obvious in that respect than the others.
Things like the constant and annoying use of “we” like “We’d like to introduce you all to this”, the American spellings and the continual references to Genesis despite repeated complaints about it make me think this is all just Zorg playing a game. I mean surely if Swill Man was real he’d have killed himself after all the complaints about his last effort!
March 22nd, 2008 on 1:12 am
http://dandydude.blogspot.com/
http://swillbored.blogspot.com/
http://www.youtube.com/TheSwillMan
Ho does exist, and needs to be hounded off the internet posthaste.
March 22nd, 2008 on 1:19 am
Why do you hate me?
I love you.
http://adventuresofswill.blogspot.com/
March 22nd, 2008 on 1:34 am
Yeah, thanks for those links. I couldn’t resist and watched one of the videos – where can I get new eyes?
ougaarek – it’s probably Klingon for something or other
March 22nd, 2008 on 1:39 am
Let’s be honest… it’s kind of cliche and not really funny.
March 22nd, 2008 on 1:54 am
I have my own wiki page!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/
User:Theswillman
It would be sad if any changed it!
I constantly am addicted to updating it. So it would make me VERY MAD
March 22nd, 2008 on 2:43 am
You forgot this one:
http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Unfunny
March 22nd, 2008 on 3:55 am
What the hell. This is a post about NINTENDO you idiot.
March 22nd, 2008 on 4:58 am
At first I thought it might be nice to be all diplomatic about this Swill Man controversy but now little more need be said that you’re all a big gaggle of utter bellends. It’s a well researched article – give him that at least you wretched bummers. And before there are any retorts that adhere to the general sentiment that I’m a Swill-man basher or if any of the UKR grammar illuminati want to call me an infidel due to my lack of perfect punctuation then please allow me to prescribe the response that I couldn’t give a solitary bollocks and that you’re all gash people. Really – who gives a shite? Get the fuck over it! It’s nice to know that my life is better than yours and with that in mind I i implore you to continue exhibitng the hallmarks of absolute irrefutable bumholeness. Right on!
March 22nd, 2008 on 5:14 am
One thing I will say is – I think the Nintendo boys prefer the colloquial nomenclature applied specifically to the aforementioned Mario creator to be be “Shigsy” rather than “Shiggy”. Ooh I feel bold and prestigious when I nitpick! I’ve finally developed an erection! Thank fuck! If I nitpick whilst wearing tights and thrusting a pencil down my urethra I might even finally be able to produce semen!
March 22nd, 2008 on 5:28 am
Oh god, hes one of those pricks that thrive on the attention, whether good or bad isn’t he?
Ignore him/tune him out, and maybe he’ll slit his wrists.
Roll on the Phorenzik era…
March 22nd, 2008 on 10:52 am
POST THA ROM!
POST THA ROM!
POST THA ROM!
etc….
But post the rom please…
March 22nd, 2008 on 11:06 am
Enjoy:
http://cah4e3.shedevr.org.ru/dumping/2005/smwfull.rar
See if you can beat it… I’m stuck in one of the castles…
March 22nd, 2008 on 11:58 am
Ok, Swill, just a couple of points:
a)”his is something that’s been bothering us for quite a while now. We remember reading a quote by Shigeru Miyamoto about…”
Look here: I can say that, Zorg can say that and many people on this site can say that. Because it would have been a good story if it actually had been bothering you since the 90s. Problem is: you were BORN on the ninties, not bothered. Your chumminess is false and not accepted.
b) Couldn’t you get to the point a little faster? Like in a single paragraph? I know The Onion writes long reports and that John Stewart can go on rambling about something -say governors and hookers- for quite a while, but they manage to keep our attention introducing new elements used to get the joke to a new level. You don’t.
So please, instead of basking on your shit and the hate your stink is producing, why not reread why you are writing and try to do something good?
And Zorg, if you are really hosting a Writer’s Academy with UKR practices why didn’t you advertise it? I’d say the best bidder on Ebay -1,35 euros for a dozen articles- couldn’t have been worse.
March 22nd, 2008 on 12:05 pm
The Swill Man.
Please fuck off, boy.
March 22nd, 2008 on 12:33 pm
“Why do you hate me?”
We hate you because you’re oblivious to the dozens of answers on this page alone.
March 22nd, 2008 on 3:17 pm
So…I guess UKR is a blog that talked about old Nintendo stuff now…
…Great.
I dunno maybe he thought this post would be acceptable because he was talking about Nintendo “lies”?
But then he goes on and praises a rom which he later admits is broken and buggy.
So I dunno. A sloppy post dealing with a broken Nintendo Rom dressed up as apporpriate for URK because it’s about a “Nintendo lie”.
In turn this whole article is useless because (as previousely commented) it’s a ROM not a real game running on real hardware…no reason to read this story unless you are a NES fanboy or a ROM enthusist.
March 22nd, 2008 on 7:06 pm
My next post will be on that Zelda game on the 3D0. I bought it arrived from Ebay yesterday and guys you need to know all about it.
Srsly funny.
March 22nd, 2008 on 7:07 pm
I finally saw that ‘The New Adventures of The Swill Man’ blog posted many comments up, by ‘theswillman’ (without the spaces).
A great parody blog! I commend you! I don’t think anyone else bothered to click the link though, because nobody wants to click a link supposedly by the swill man.
March 22nd, 2008 on 7:52 pm
I took a second look at the article again and I gotta say I am still certain this has got to be an April fools joke of some kind.
I mean at least this time he put up pictures…but all in all it was a post about a buggy NES Rom.
Trying to link this article to regular UKR fare by calling it an article about “lies” is stupid because it’s a Rom not a real cart.
This is not the amusing UKR stuff I look for when I come here.
March 22nd, 2008 on 9:56 pm
Thank you Malorie. I have too much time on my hands this Easter weekend. Maybe the swill man without spaces should take over from the one with? I would promise never to post.
What is it with the ‘April Fools’ theory? It doesn’t make any sense.
March 22nd, 2008 on 10:36 pm
Swill: Go to kotaku, I’m sure they’ll love you there.
March 22nd, 2008 on 11:05 pm
Been working on the house all day renovating….sit down stick on the slaptop. Go through the favorites etc etc….get to UKR – jeez i thought after the last barrage swillman would be gone, but no. Not only that he gets a barrage of insults and he posts thinking we all like him…..seriously, really, fuck off.
March 22nd, 2008 on 11:12 pm
fucking dreadful. at least when idiot toys sold out it only meant that I had to ignore the right hand side of the screen. Swill man is wearing my mousewheel out as I frantically hurry past his bullshit in search of something less useless :(
March 23rd, 2008 on 2:30 am
Like some others, I was willing to wait a bit and see what happens. Now it’s been enough. I seriously don’t understand how this shit can be tolerated by Zorg. Swillman, your posts are really not just very off-topic but simply poorly written and obviously lacking whatever it is that makes UK:R funny. But of course you are too infantile and defiant to acknowledge the facts. So you just keep wallowing in people’s hatred like you probably have been doing most of your life. It’s not pretty to behold that’s for sure!
March 23rd, 2008 on 2:55 am
i agree with all the swill bashing except one thing: the speech bubble. speech bubbles have been a classic UK:R form of comedy for years, check the archive back when they used to do it issue style and raided promotional photo archives.
of course, jax and zorg actually put FUNNY THINGS in the speech bubbles.
March 23rd, 2008 on 9:40 am
Sonic Unleashed, anyone?
March 23rd, 2008 on 10:20 am
The Swill Man – Piss off
TheSwillMan – Piss off too. You aren’t fooling anyone.
March 23rd, 2008 on 2:47 pm
I hate this Swill chap as much as anyone else, but have people not noticed that Zorg also always uses “we” and “us” on UK:R and Idiot Toys?
March 23rd, 2008 on 6:13 pm
But somehow when Zorg does it it’s funny. When The Swill Man does it it comes over as a desperate attempt to fit in.
March 23rd, 2008 on 6:17 pm
Seriously, what the fuck is going on here? Is he an intern?
Because his first update that I noticed was some retrogaming TurboGrafx(?) shit.
We all know that retro gamers are overweight, lonely, and forever playing Tron. You told us that UK:R.
March 24th, 2008 on 12:42 pm
stop being mean, you meanies.
March 24th, 2008 on 8:13 pm
ZORG WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK!
March 25th, 2008 on 2:02 am
This is a great start guys. I am going to start porting Mario Galaxy to Nintendo 64 this week. That’ll show em!
PS. Genesis rocks more than Mega Drive. Or something.
March 25th, 2008 on 5:48 pm
fucking shit.
March 26th, 2008 on 2:06 pm
I second the Phorenzik thing. ONLY BECAUSE WE GAY FANCY HIM.