NINTENDO STILL DOING THAT THING IT DOES WITH THE OLD PEOPLE
You know, that thing it does, where it shoves a controller into the hand of a bewildered retirement home inhabitant who’s monged off what’s remaining of their tits on painkillers, then takes a photo whenever they remember a happy anecdote from their childhood years and start to smile.
Look at them. They don’t care. They’re just doing it because nurse said they can have an extra biscuit and get spared from the nightly raping if they do what the nice man with the hair gel and photographer says to do for 10 minutes. FUCKING MODERN GAMES!
What are you going to do for your next console, Nintendo? Put the controller near a dog then take a photo of it wagging its tail as proof of the machine’s accessibility and genre-busting popularity?
Please, bring on the next video gaming crash. We will happily bury the entire sorry industry in a hole with a digger. We’ll even pay for the hire of the digger and the diesel, just tell us where you want the fucking hole.
SKIRMISH UPDATE:
We’ve decided Nintendo is an ENEMY again. We knew the uneasy truce brought about by Animal Crossing Wild World wouldn’t last.
filed in ENEMIES, PROMOTIONAL IMAGES on Jan.06, 2010
January 6th, 2010 on 11:36 am
How long into the new year and you’re ranting already?
January 6th, 2010 on 1:00 pm
I can see why games like Wii Sports are casual friendly, but I can’t see Mario having casual appeal. It’s a game that needs reflexes, skill and uses more than one button on the remote. I can’t understand why Nintendo would try to get old people to play it.
Can you imagine trying to explain to some poor old lady that she needs to eat the mushroom and then ride on the dragon to eat some tortoises to save the princess? She’d probably think the dementia had finally kicked in.
January 6th, 2010 on 1:00 pm
Ah, but Nintendo’s current form is at least extremely rant-worthy. WAR WITH NINTENDO!
I’m trying to decide how best to fully engage with this war. Hmm. I don’t own any current Nintendo product (and I’m not harming my SNES) but my brother in law has a Wii. Next time I’m there I could yank it away from the TV, wires and all, and chuck the whole sorry mess out of a high window? And then rant at his kids until they cry, if they’re not crying already? Would that suffice? I’ll happily do it, this project demands sacrifices from us all.
January 6th, 2010 on 1:04 pm
Monged ‘off’ not ‘of’. Please lets try and maintain some standards around here please.
Oh and fuck Nintendo. They’ve been pissing on the souls of gamers this entire generation. Raping pensioners hardly seems like any worse a crime than releasing Wii Music or Wii Tap Animals or whatever the fuck their latest peice of shovelware designed to suck in people who last played a computer game around the time of pong, and are therefore wildly impressed by a game that uses more than 3 colours.
January 6th, 2010 on 1:53 pm
“Yes Master! Your wish is my command!”
I would love to be in a massive demostration where we all scream DEATH TO NINTENDO and also burn flags and sheets or t-shirts or anything with nintendo motivs.
Also would be really cool, to have some machine guns and spray the sky with bullets.
that would be AWESOME
shame reality is far from great here at home.
I am slowly dying I only got consoles from sony and nintendo (microsoft is already making my life hell in this pc) and is such a chore to play with them.
I feel I came to late to this world (Dreamcast, Saturn, ..)
or maybe just to soon (Dreamcast 2 where are you ?)
maybe I should try to bribe one of your followers and buy a proper console from them.
January 6th, 2010 on 3:06 pm
I am in favour of this state of ENEMY.
I do not even own a Wii so I don’t have action to take at current. If I did I would probably have bought MadWorld, maybe even not just a second hand copy. For now I just have to read newspapers and watch black and white films to pretend.
I do like my Gameboy Advance and one screen of my DS though, Advanced Wars and Castlevania and Elite Beat Agents were a bit alright. Not that Sonic where you have to jetski to get to the levels though.
Anyway can I still keep it?
January 6th, 2010 on 3:11 pm
Also note from the first picture that Nintendo is EXPLOITING CHILD LABOUR and that is WRONG.
January 6th, 2010 on 4:34 pm
[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by UK:RESISTANCE, Matt Spalding. Matt Spalding said: RT @UKRESISTANCE: NINTENDO STILL DOING THAT THING IT DOES WITH THE OLD PEOPLE http://bit.ly/8jQm1E […]
January 6th, 2010 on 4:51 pm
Can I just say that I’m not Matt Spalding? I’m sure you don’t care either way but for some reason it bothers me. I knew I should have picked a pretend name…
Oh, and boo to Nintendo and such.
Feels like the old days saying that, except we’ve already lost, and I don’t care. :'(
January 6th, 2010 on 4:55 pm
Not satisfied with ruining and entire generation of people by keeping them away from physical exercise and books, Nintendo has turned its attention to the rest of humanity.
Miyamoto won’t be happy until there isn’t a single person left on earth than can run for more than 10 seconds or read. Like him.
January 6th, 2010 on 5:55 pm
Can I have the hole dug in Kendal? Its in the North, so no-one will notice/care and it could potentially stop me fighting through the bloody snow and ice to get to my crappy job. :(
January 9th, 2010 on 1:07 am
Finally, the official word has come, the strident yet appeasing thunder of internet-subsidised Nintendo bashing! Who knew UK:R had such a high threshold for gaming dross? I’m suprised it was this event that finally spilled your rage and ennui over the side though. Slagging off PS3 only was beginning to feel a bit like laughing at a victim of domestic abuse on Jeremy Kyle whilst overlooking the culpability of the offending husband. Yes, PS3 was raped, but it was Wii wot dun the raping. Let us laugh together at the entirety of the rape, both the atrocity and the gleeful tragedy of it, and then go to bed and masturbate over the thought of it into a pair of Sonic socks from 1992.
January 9th, 2010 on 1:09 am
I hereby retract my analogy, it is incoherent and vulgar.
January 9th, 2010 on 2:06 am
Is it still OK for me to wank into a sock?
…
I’m going to anyway (But not into a Sonic one. He’s suffered enough)