360 is LIFESTYLE! You can tell it’s lifestyle because the logo’s in white. After it sells no copies because everyone thinks it’s a car magazine that some kid’s dropped on the games shelf, they’ll make it look like a games magazine by making the logo red with a yellow dropshadow. Probably by issue four.

TYPO ON PAGE 12! “Quality, innovation and excellent are paramount”. Having a typo in the bit where you say how quality you are is a world-class balls-up. Theyve realy set they’re stal otu their! In issue two they should say this was an ironic joke that set out to lampoon other lower quality magazines, the sort of shite rags that would have spelling mistakes in the bit where they say how excellent they are.

AN IRONIC PANEL ABOUT WHERE X05 *WON’T* BE HELD! This is humorous lifestyle journalism at its finest! Hull! Ha ha! Yes, imagine if Microsoft DID hold X05 in Hull. The thousand pictures these words paint are all hilarious. Imagine J Allard in Hull. He’d get kicked in for looking gay within seconds! We can’t stop laughing at that mental image. There must LITERALLY be a joke every 60 seconds in their zany office.

DVD AND CD REVIEWS. These’ll be ditched during issue 7’s sales crisis emergency redesign meeting after the first ABC sales figures come out next February. It will be replaced by “Tips”, as everyone realises the readers don’t care if Mike Richardson likes Goldfrapp or not.

This almost certainly means you have to download patches to make old games work, but we’re already massively out of our depth with all this technical stuff so can’t say for sure.

There’s a link at the bottom of this page that says “see all 178 images”: IGN: Quest For Antonia Pageant. See what you’ve got coming, UK Frag Dolls? You should probably all go out for a run tonight, instead of eating buns on the sofa.

We would make one ourselves, but there’s a big difference between getting caught with Blogger open on your work PC (verbal warning) and photos of men’s cocks (massive personal shame).

Forum mod PK-Jones PUMPING THE MAD DANCING SKILLZ on DDR Revolution!!

Mikey900 kicked some ASS at Halo 2 because he had previously ran out of chewing gum!!!

This is Sarah. She arrived at 4:00pm, then left crying at 4:07pm. Thanks for coming, Sarah! Hope to see you at the next meet!! :)

It’s Rumble Roses XX on Xbox 360. It’s got hot bitches in it, so we’ll probably end up going on about it loads, then taking lots of screenshots of gussets and cleavages when the game eventually appears on Bittorrent, then uploading them with the sort of sexist comments not seen since women were given the right to speak in the 1970s. God, we’re getting predictable.

This is probably the only time it’s ever been cool to work for IGN. Look, some quite pretty girls have been told that THEIR ONLY JOB FOR TODAY is to smile at you. Your self-esteem would rocket up from minus ten to minus five, or perhaps even zero (until you get home and accidentally look in a mirror).

Imagine if you worked for IGN. You’d work with fat, over-confident, loud American teenagers in an office that STINKS of sweat and last night’s dried-up spunk, and you’d only talk about the relative merits of Xbox 360 and PlayStation3 all day, perhaps pausing to sit in silence and play World of Warcraft while eating potato chips for an hour at lunch time. Then, one day, you get sent out to take photos of THESE!

It’s like if UbiSoft had a bigger budget for hiring Frag Dolls. Aleks Krotoski isn’t going to like this, it’s set back the cause of “women in games” by at least a decade. Well done, sexist MMORPG boffins!