Keep watching movies of this, expecting it to eventually look terrible. But it keeps on looking more than OK. Bordering on the good, in fact.

Definite month-long mega update potential.

That’s overall. PS3 has seen an even bigger collapse.

PS3 SALES Q2 2008:  1.6m

PS3 SALES Q2 2009:  1.1m

We will leave the stark, bleak numbers to stand alone without accompanying imagery. Facts taken from this serious place, if you don’t believe anything that doesn’t come on a plain white background.

Stakes dramatically upped by “Sebastian” and his Nikon D50!

Taken at E3. That costume’s going to be stinking by the time the game eventually arrives. No offence, sweetheart.

There’s still something not right about it. It’s like bumping into the dowdy receptionist in some sort of goth sex club.

Christian has created a ‘proof of concept’ video about making Sonic CD run on Apple’s iPhone via his fancy emulator. It’s a bit of a shame you have to cover the screen with your thumbs – ISN’T IT, APPLE? – but apart from that, SHIT YES PLEASE.

There’s a video of it here. It’s not embeddable, hence the tardy use of a screen capture.

That’s it. Being made by Christian.

Don’t remember this level.

WHERE WAS THAT THING WE DID?
Oh yes. There it is.

That, believe it or not, is the searingly original plot of Sonic Unleashed – as ported, somehow, to mobile phone format. Reader “Karl” bravely sacrificed three of his own pounds to take these frankly terrible photos of it in action.

Seriously, Karl, a large amount of ‘sorting out’ needs to be done in your camera department.

“I have attached some images from ‘Sonic Unleashed’ on mobile phone, which I actually paid a whole £3 for.”

“It’s not very good. French mobile developer Gameloft seems to have turned Sonic’s blue sky into a slate grey, and there is no sound, apart from an electronic farting noise when you die.”

“The first level is nice and pacey, and it’s got all of Sonic’s moves in it, but in the third level you are confronted with some bizarre text suggesting that Sonic has PMS and detailing a transformation into Sonic the Werehog.”

“What I don’t get is that surely the Werehog should be stronger than regular Sonic? But the Werehog only has some crappy punch moves and is less agile, making him weaker and more vulnerable. Picture 9 is the Werehog, you can probably just about make out his deformed features.”

“There are a few pictures of the first Robotnik boss as well, but I couldn’t be arsed to play it after that. Sorry :(” – Karl.

KARL’S SUMMARY:

Graphics: 7/10
Sound: -10/10
Gameplay: 2/10
Lifespan: 1/10
Overall: -4/10

INTERVIEW WITH KARL REGARDING HIS ‘CAMERA’:
UKR: What on earth are you using as a camera?

KARL: My laptop’s webcam. Ironically, I usually use my mobile as my camera, and the one time I want to photo something to put on the internet, it’s on the back of my camera lens :(

UKR: Could you not have borrowed a camera?

KARL: I tried again with a dead expensive digital camera I borrowed, but they actually came out blurrier. I think it’s the backlighting on the screen. How does a professional take screenies of a mobile game then?

UKR: Most proper screenshots would be taken by running the actual game application on a PC emulator and doing direct captures that way.

Think RPGs are dull? Think again. Imagine them stripped of all sensory embellishments. Imagine them reduced to core numbers and sums. Imagine it on Excel. Is your imagination ON FIRE yet?

Found by suspicious book-reading resident “Weatherbox” who stumbled across it while… god knows.