Is this International Women Journalists Moaning About Games month?

BBC NEWS | Technology | Women gear up for gaming invasion

CLICHED OBSERVATIONS TROTTED OUT ONCE AGAIN:

The Sims sold to lots of women

Women “tend to be more social”

“There are few adverts for games in women’s magazines”

Obviously it’s just a man with his skin painted blue.

Which makes it OK.

And normal.

No sir, nothing weird about this sequence of events at all.

If UKR had a budget for hiring models, this is EXACTLY the sort of thing we’d do pretty much most days.

NOT SAFE FOR WHERE YOU ARE, UNLESS YOU’RE USING A LAPTOP IN A SEALED BOX:
H-Cosplay : le cosplay hentai sexy !

Complete with authentic urban dialogue.

(We’re starting the backlash an incredible TWO YEARS early on this one).

Please let them set it in a wealthy white suburb this time, then we won’t have to automatically hate it. The music can be by Daniel Bedingfield. He’s nice.

Image stolen from French web site Jeux France — which speaks in the sort of language Lord Horation Nelson fought so valiantly to obliterate — which seems to think it’s a genuine “concept” image of the game running on PS3. The game, and PS3, will suck, obviously.

We’re off to give it one star on Amazon.

The Nintendo DS Storage Case Storage Case Storage Case Horizontal Case System V2.

Got too many storage case cases for your storage case cases? Worry no more! The INTERACTIVE ACTIVE ACCESSOR-EEZ Nintendo DS Storage Case Case Storage Case Horizontal Case System V2 is at hand!

An innovative case storage system designed to take up to three Nintendo DS Storage Case Storage Case Cases V1s, the Nintendo DS Storage Case Storage Case Storage Case Horizontal Case System V2 is packed to the brim with features!

FEATURES:

Zip

Compartment

Leather look

Not only that, but the Nintendo DS Storage Case Storage Case Storage Case Horizontal Case System V2 is backwardsly recompatible with the GBA SP GBA Color Adaptor Case Pack II, making it ideal for keeping tabs on all your other cases.

From the makers of DVD WIPEZ, the XBOX STAND TIDY, the PS2 CABLE-TIE TRAY and the NINTENDO GAMECUBE.

Today Phantasy Star Online Episode 4 came to the English speaking world for the first time. It brought with it new areas, quests, items, monsters and (they promise, soon, honestly) bosses.

Now, because the Japanese have already had the game for a while, all Ep4 content has hitherto been banned on the Western servers in order to prevent unfair advantages and to stop hackers pulling the new items out of the game’s code. Now, however, the true fans can finally reap the rewards of their patience and loyalty to Sega!

Except they can’t. Because Sonic Team’s monkeys can’t figure out how to unban the new content and anyone trying to pick up a rare item is being kicked from the game.

When asked for comment, the moderator of the Blue Burst forum on boards.sega.com said that fixing the glitch was a high priority, and that he doesn’t believe that PSO has any major bugs in it apart from this.

In the meantime the RAcasts are deserting the sinking ship in… well, slightly higher volume than usual. Has anyone got the phone number for Japan? It’s time to tell Yuji Naka we want his “Lifetime Achievement Award” back.

“GameHand has been specifically designed to reduce and/or eliminate slippage on controllers and blisters from aggressive play, so that you can experience maximum results in your game controller usage.”

“…and THAT is why we hate American kids”

THIS IS NOT A JOKE:

NEW CITY, NY — June 9, 2005 — Zac Bandremer, a video game player for many years, had a problem. So did most of his friends, and presumably millions of other players around the world, as well. During intense video game play, hands would begin to slip on the smooth plastic controllers of their games, thereby affecting a player’s success, and ruining their fun. So Zac, along with his dad Scott, decided to do something about it. After experimenting with various materials, Zac and his dad have hit the bullseye.

“I take my video games seriously. I think most players do. With my dad’s help, we’ve come up with a radical looking glove that’s made with a super sticky palm that grips the controller like nothing else, and it looks really, really cool, too! All of my friends use it.”

With a worldwide potential market of tens of millions of people, and a price of under $20 a pair, Zac has big plans for the GameHand glove. GameHand currently is offered in three color combinations (black and red, black and blue, and black and neon yellow), is made from stretchable nylon/lycra which offers a one-size-fits-all perfect second-skin fit for all size hands, has exposed fingertips for maximum sensory experience, and even comes with a built-in sweatband and an easy in-easy out Velcro enclosure. The sticky palm and fingers are produced through a specialized embossed silicone process, with devastating effects.

Zac and his dad are now busy marketing GameHand to stores and distributors where video games are sold, as well as on their web site, www.GameHandGlove.com. Zac’s even writing a GameHand newsletter each month, as well as providing ZacChat for video game players to meet and talk about the latest in video game play. Zac is now being scheduled for interviews with all media outlets, as his is a classic story of young American entrepreneurial spirit at its best. As long as he gets his homework done, of course!

“I know I’m a kid and all, but my goal is to get this glove into the hands of players everywhere, and make this the biggest thing. That would be very cool. I’m really proud I helped invent the GameHand. You gotta love the glove! “

GAMEHAND FAQS

Who is Zac, and what exactly is his role with GameHand?
Zac, currently a 14 year old in ninth grade, has been a serious video game player for many years. He was the inspiration for the development of GameHand, and along with his dad, helped to come up with the most cutting edge accessory on the videogame market, which anyone, of any age, can use. Zac is the official spokesman for GameHand products, and is involved with all television, radio, print and online interviews. More questions for Zac? Just send them to
Zac@gamehandglove.com

How will GameHand help me when using my video game controllers?
GameHand has been specifically designed to reduce and/or eliminate slippage on controllers and blisters from aggressive play, so that you can experience maximum results in your game controller usage.

What special grip features does GameHand have on the gloves?
The palm and fingers of GameHand are uniquely encoded with our tested and perfected embossed silicone process, providing you with the confidence to grip any controller with ease and no-slip assurance.

What is the rest of the glove made of?
The remainder of the GameHand glove is constructed from nylon/lycra, an ultra-lightweight, stretchable, moisture absorbing material that conforms faithfully to the contours of the hand in a comfortable, second-skin manner, and provides a true hand-like feel while protecting the hand from abrasions.

Why are the fingertips exposed when wearing the glove?
This provides a maximum sensory experience for the fingertips, as well as allowing your hand to breathe within the glove. This means the GameHand can be worn for hours at a time, and does not stiffen if it gets wet or sweaty.

Why is there a Velcro enclosure and sweatband?
The Velcro opening allows easy in – easy out of the glove. And the sweatband? Well, we all know that serious players can get a bit sweaty while playing their games, so this allows one to wipe their brow with ease. And GameHand is easy to periodically clean right in the wash.

Why One Size Fits All?
GameHand has been especially developed with super stretchable nylon/lycra that enables players of all ages with various size hands to fit easily into the gloves, with a perfect fit everytime. Remember, the fit should be like a second skin, clinging to your hand firmly.

Well done to everyone who took part. The first fifty of you who who sent us emails to tell us that it wasn’t Sephiroth win a 32″ plasma screen TV.

After that they just didn’t hurt any more.

It’s GoldenEye: Rogue Agent for DS!! And look! You can shoot men in a dock area full of crates!!! How AWESOME is that?!?!! Nintendo DS is opening up numerous brave new worlds of gaming experiences!!!! It’s not just a console for shite versions of major franchises at all!

(If we were Shigeru Miyamoto or that Iwata bloke from Nintendo everyone interviews all the time, we’d be too ashamed to leave the house by now).

COMING SOON: Mario’s Terrorist Hunt, Mario’s Squad-based War, and Mario’s Stealth Adventure. Honestly, Nintendo’s useless DS makes us want to CUT THE FINGERS OFF everyone who works in the games industry with a Stanley knife.

Tim De Lisle of the normally reliable Guardian came up with 40 reasons why Star Wars sucks. Amongst these are:

– The length
– The size (which apprently is different to the length)
– Something to do with movie historians
– The characters never eating
– Compares negatively to Homer’s Iliad
– The weapons are shit (apart from lightsabers)
– Lucas “Could have done more” with C-3PO
– It won too many Oscars
– It’s too popular
– Han turns from a mercenary to a boy scout within “Two hours” (it takes nearly three years of story time)

Suspiciously lacking from the list are:

– Because it’s shit
– Because it’s shit
– Because it’s shit
– Because it’s shit
– Because Lucas not only attempts to examine the flawed mythos underpinning the series in minute fanwankery detail in the prequels and thus displays a basic misunderstanding of what made them fun in the first place but actually manages to turn them from rip-roaring swashbucklers into pandering family trash in the process
– Because it’s shit

Bored weekend, Tim?

Congratulations to lady-oriented web site Female First for using the phrase “genetically-enhanced solider MASTER CHEF” while talking about the Halo movie.

We’ve taken a screenshot of the article just in case they change it and then lie about it being a typo.

Halo: Battle Over X-Box Halo Film

ADVICE FOR FEMALE JOURNALISTS:

Always check it through with a man first.