Wii FIT MIGHT ACTUALLY BE FUN
Fun for fans of sexually suggestive situations.
And fun for people with female flatmates.
filed in Uncategorized on Feb.21, 2008
Entries in the ‘Uncategorized’ Category:
NOTICE OF SITE CLOSURE IN JUNE
Ninja Gaiden 2’s coming out in June. Updates will therefore be sporadic during June, and only about Ninja Gaiden 2. See that red mess? That’s what your face will be like if you complain or dare criticise Ninja Gaiden 2.
This is what daily life is like here. Updating UKR with the left hand, updating Idiot Toys with the right, leaving a trail of death and destruction and rotting spinal columns behind.
You know how excited all those retards were about Halo 3? That’s how excited we are about NG2. We can tell you now we’ll be doing a review and taking AT LEAST 100 screenshots. 200 if Rachel’s back in it. 300 if she’s playable. 400 if you can control the camera during its replay mode thing.
filed in Uncategorized on Feb.21, 2008
RUSSIAN SONIC COSPLAY (ALSO INCLUDES CREAM AND AMY)
It’s every bit as bad as you might imagine. In fact, it’ll stop you being able to imagine anything else for several hours. Although Knuckles is a definite “might,” if only to help thaw relations between London and Moscow.
“I’ve got a video of Sonic cosplay filmed at anime convention “Animatrix” in Moscow. It is in Russian, interlaced, has crappy sound and picture and generally is not much fun. It’s up to you to make any sense out of it. Cheers! – Igor”
filed in Uncategorized on Feb.20, 2008
CHINESE SEGA GAME GEAR CHRISTMAS DECORATION
The Chinese had much higher manufacturing standards in the early-to-mid 1990s, as this quite sensationally detailed SEGA/Sonic/Game Gear Christmas tree decoration shows.
“I got this ages ago and completely forgot I had it. It’s a Sonic/Game Gear Christmas tree decoration off of 1995.”
“If I was witty I’d probably poke fun at the slogan ‘Fun in Hand’ but I’m not so I’ll leave it you and your readers if this gets posted. Cheers, Brynaldo.”
That’s just STUNNING! All the GG text has been replicated! And the colours. And the buttons.
Sadly the battery compartment isn’t real and doesn’t contain ultra-rare fake Chinese SEGA batteries. It’s probably for the best – they would trigger a SEGA/battery manic episode and we’d eventually be found 18 months later sleeping rough on the streets of Cardiff.
It is SO BRILLIANT. Brynaldo, we’re trying extremely hard to stop buying everything that says SEGA on it – but we’ll give you a tenner for it.
You could probably even haggle us up to £15 if you throw in postage and packing. It’s seriously awesome. So much better than last week’s SEGA tat.
filed in Uncategorized on Feb.18, 2008
ONE OF THE MANY AWESOME THINGS THAT HAPPENS IN SEGA SUPERSTARS TENNIS
It’s Ulala’s “special move.” Don’t be alarmed about the putting of “special moves” into the game – it works very well.
Can you see? The ball has spelled out a “5” in the air to confuse the opponent. This is awesome. And is, incredibly, one of the least-awesome things about SST. Hopefully we will start showing you some even more awesome things about SST over the coming weeks. It is quite possibly the most awesome-packed game of all-time.
filed in Uncategorized on Feb.15, 2008
ELSEWHERE ON "THE NETWORK" #00015
We’ve made it to week 15 without getting warned/told to stop, so can only assume no one’s checking up on what we do, or everything’s still going OK. Here’s how we attempted subversion elsewhere this last week.
This thing which was the now-customary weekly rabble-rousing piece to waste the time/energy of PS3 fans. This thing about cynical Valentine’s Day marketing activities. This thing about Dixons selling flowers, in what’s clearly one of the least thought-through business initiatives in decades. This thing which – brace yourselves! – is a look at Tails playing Virtua Cop with tennis balls in SEGA Superstars Tennis. This thing about maybe having to find a new way of downloading porn in the future. This thing about the staggering Teclast M30 babes, because you can’t not use pictures like this when they come along:
Any week which features that sort of thing has to be a 10/10, regardless of the functional banality of everything else. 10/10.
filed in Uncategorized on Feb.15, 2008
THE MULTI-FUNCTIONAL SEGA PEN!
Dear SEGA. How come we have not got one of these? You know we’re mad for this kind of shit, especially if it lights up. A SEGA thing that LIGHTS UP! How come we have to hear about it from someone else? That’s what hurts the most.
“I just got back from a gaming conference, and everyone’s grab bag included this fine SEGA-branded pen. This by itself is clearly exciting enough to notify UKR, but then I discovered the mysterious button on the side of the pen.”
“When you press it, the top of the pen lights up and projects a SEGA logo!!!”
“I spent the rest of my day projecting it on various objects and people (pictures included).”
“When it gets dark I fully plan to go outside and attempt using it like the Bat-signal.”
“With luck it will summon Yu Suzuki who will bring me a copy of OutRun 3 and a plate of cookies. Or alternatively, it will attract homeless people. Cheers – Colin.”
filed in Uncategorized on Feb.14, 2008
ASSORTED SWEDISH SEGA PARAPHERNALIA
The lucky old Swedes got some crazy SEGA merchandise! A watch that says “There’s always time for SEGA,” a superb little rucksack, an Alex Kidd t-shirt that could be worn ironically to this very day and something called a “planbok” which looks like it’s Swedish for “wallet.”
They also used red for “SONIC” – something rather unusual.
“I found a leaflet advertising the products of something called the ‘SEGA Shop’ while sorting through some storage boxes hidden in the depths of the basement storeroom. Since it’s written in Swedish, please feel free to make hackneyed jokes about umlaut diacritics, elks, or Volvos if you choose to publish it. Or maybe you could blame the entire country for David Beckham’s missed penalty in Euro 2004 via the sinister influence of Sven-Goran Eriksson. Be creative – Arvid.”
filed in Uncategorized on Feb.13, 2008
PS3 TENT BLOWS AWAY CONCERT GOERS
Here’s something we’ve been saving for a special occasion (desperately low news period) – a sighting of a deserted PS3 promotional booth at an Irish music festival.
The newspaper clipping below it all shows what we are fighting – blatant lies by journalists unable to analyse the evidence for themselves and form rational opinions based on what ACTUALLY HAPPENED, rather than what the press release SAID WOULD HAPPEN.
“I just came back from the Electric Picnic festival in Co. Laois, Ireland where Sony had a tent pushing the PS3 and all its wares.”
“Thought you’d be interested in the photos of all the reps working real hard promoting their games. Don’t they look busy?”
“Also, they had a bit of a blurb in the festival newspaper the next day. “Busiest venue on site!” – right, Sony, pull the other one! – Skellator.”
filed in Uncategorized on Feb.12, 2008
RYU AMAZED BY SIZE/DEFINITION OF CHUN-LI'S PACKAGE
Either Ryu hasn’t got the internet at home and is actually surprised by what ladies look like down there, or he’s just never seen anything on the sheer size and scale of what Chun-Li is hauling around with her.
Click it. What can YOU see? It’s probably just a perfectly innocent texture.
filed in Uncategorized on Feb.11, 2008
