We HATE IT when other people are ‘funny about games on the internet’. We invented doing that and no one else should be allowed to do it under UK law. Our usual stance is therefore to ignore anyone else that tries to be funny about games on the internet and pretend they don’t exist. UNTIL NOW.
This fake Nintendo Wii advert *is* sort of funny. A bit. For something made by other people. That’s the most complimentary we’re going to get.
AS EVER As ever, YouTube have removed the video. Because it had some tits in. There’s now a direct link to it on the creator’s web site.
They’ve been reading our nightmares and making them real again:
For every candle-lit Richard Jacques performance of a SEGA classic, there are ten thousand opposing copies of 50 Cent Bulletproof on PSP. It’s how nature keeps things in balance. And there’s still no sign of that US Gold Pet Shop Boys game rumoured in 1986 :(
But no way are we sitting through an hour of Vernon fucking Kaye and editing out all the worst bits to laboriously put on YouTube.
Sorry.
OK. Just the one. In this between-award segment, a girl sets out to prove that games aren’t just for geeks. She does this by going to a room that’s full of geeks and talking to lots of geeks, before the INEVITABLE interview with a girl gaming clan.
This one sums up the nightmare perfectly. The developer’s an amazing geek (no disrespect, so are we and our ‘target demographic’), the hostess hasn’t got a clue and the award presenter admits to not playing games at all. That’s why next year there probably won’t be a video game BAFTAs. Or if there is, it’ll happen in a small room and there won’t be any cameras and the trophies will be made out of LEGO.
In this one, the stupid woman says she’s only in it for the money and admits to knowing nothing about games. Poor little Rob from Nintendo does a good job of smiling and pretending it’s all going OK though! Well done Rob. Can we have a Wii? We’re going to say Animal Crossing Wild World is the best game of 2006 in a couple of months, so we deserve it.
Then, as you’d expect from an organisation that’s just ‘discovered’ games 25 years too late and think they’re new and exciting, they go through the whole “games as art” bullshit we got bored of at about the same time we got bored of mum giving us cheese on toast for lunch every day.
We can’t take any more. It’s all up on UK Nova as a Bittorrent to download, but is about as ‘worth it’ as PlayStation3 and ten copies of Lair.
EMERGENCY BACK-UPS When BAFTA, E4, YouTube and the council all gang up to have these clips removed from YouTube, you may download the files from here. We spent hours on this shit, no way is it all going to waste.
It’s called ‘Spiel Macht Frei’ and was recorded by ‘Von Aschenbach : Minister of Ideology’. It’s a bit like Marilyn Manson and Rammstein, which isn’t the sort of thing we usually like to say the least.
Still, it’s also only 35 seconds long so isn’t eligible for entry to the singles chart. On the plus side, it’s only 35 seconds long.
NOT ONLY has he just paid 639 dollars to pre-order a PlayStation3 and two games BUT HE HAS ALSO attempted to sell it for 8000 dollars on eBay right here.
As if Sony wasn’t ripping us off enough to fund its extinction-level Blu-ray disasterplan, the usual insane pre-ordering system means everyone in the world now wants a PS3 – to sell on to someone a bit lower down the stupid chain. And then use the profit to buy a Wii and the entire Wii launch line-up and some trainers and maybe a new TV if you charge a lot for postage.
It’s also not ideal to stick your phone number on the internet, lest people phone you up because some stupid web site said its readers should phone you up and make laughing sounds down the line.
WE ARE EXCITED ABOUT SOMETHING We are VERY EXCITED about going to Computer Exchange over Christmas and seeing how much the import PS3 in the window is selling for. Last year’s Xbox 360 was a ludicrous 325 for a Core Pack, and that was officially available here in the UK. We’ll have 1100 quid on Computer Exchange’s American import PS3 being 1100 quid – and there being a six-deep line of tracksuit-wearing, hair-gel-soaked morons staring at it in awe.
Here’s a link we got sent which is exactly like the kind of link you should be sending us. It’s a DS game in which you grope girls with the stylus. Not just for fun, but as part of the actual game. Like they’re saying it’s OK to do things like this. We hope this hasn’t been all over the internet already, only we’ve been “out of the loop” for a week and are unsure about what’s “new” and what’s “old” right now.
At least photos like this never go out of fashion:
This is the quite coherent and properly spelt comment from the person who mailed it in: “It seems the goal of this game is to examine girls with the touchpen in order to prove if the girl is a witch or not. I’m no expert in witch trials but according to the screenshots working out if someone is a witch seems to mainly involve stripping her off and doing wrong things to her. Also, Japanese witches seem mainly to be school girls. If Trevor wants to do a documentary about videogames being a force for evil, I’d suggest he starts here.”
It would appear a Wii version is also planned, should the DS game successfully expand the rapist game demographic enough to make it financially viable.
THE NOT SAFE FOR WORK LINK TO MORE OF THIS KIND OF FILTH: Touch!
Here’s one a man made about how much he loves Amy Rose.
We’re told he “used to be gay” until he “saw the pink one and it made him straight”. Although that might all be lies his friends made up to embarrass him on the internet.
