It was quite good when we did it last time. This one won’t be as good as the source material isn’t as conducive, plus there’s a smaller text area to work with. Just do your best, okay?

If we get three good ones we’ll be happy. Email to here.

The blank. Knock yourselves out, preferably in size 16 Verdana.

It’s the rumbling PS3 controller. The DualShock 3. You know, the thing Sony said would never happen. Well, it turns out games are shit without rumble to let you know when you’re driving over a kerb or getting shot from behind. Hence this.

This would be at number one, were we to compile a Digg-pleasing list of the TOP 10 GREATEST BACKPEDALS IN VIDEO GAME HISTORY.

Egg. On faces. Humble pie. In stomachs. Reputations. In RUINS. Lies undone and flapping in the wind. Financial forecasts. Broken. PS3. DEAD.

*BUMP*

Just in case you need to find it in a hurry later today, here’s a link to the quote where Sony Europe’s top man Phil Harrison said rumble was a “last generation” feature.

Here’s our favourite photo of Phil, along with the no-rumble quote in full:

“We have no plans to do so in the standard controller that ships with PlayStation 3. I believe that the Sixaxis controller offers game designers and developers far more opportunity for future innovation than rumble ever did. Now, rumble I think was the last generation feature; it’s not the next-generation feature. I think motion sensitivity is. And we don’t see the need to do that.” – Phil Harrison, Sony, February 2007.

Here’s a photo of Kaz Hirai, as he’s the one who drew the short straw of having to find a way of making the re-introduction of a “last generation feature” sound like something new and exciting.

Here’s one you can use to be getting on with.

The challenge is to keep looking forward while flanked by a couple of solid 8/10 booth floozies.

He is looking forward. Well done.

He is still looking forward. Well done.

Whoops. HALO 3 EXCLUSIVE: Master Chief prefers Japanese girls when they put their hair up. How we would love to see photos 4 to 99 of this series, where he gradually relaxes more, takes off his helmet and starts teaching the ladies how to hold a gun.

It’s not looking particularly rosy. If you remember any of SEGA’s arcade games from the 1980s or 1990s you might want to look away now. It isn’t AM2 versus AM3 to see who can make the best racing game any more.

This is “SEGA Race TV”. They can’t even be bothered to think up names. This sort of thing belongs in Empire Interactive’s PS2 budget range, not in a SEGA arcade cabinet. Sometimes you just know. This time we just know.

This is the “Sonic Spinner”. It would appear to be a machine you put some money into, then watch a few lights flash, then walk away disappointed and resolving NEVER to go into a fucking amusement arcade ever again. And they’re using the ancient Sonic Adventure artwork. A genuine global SEGA tragedy.

And in one of those lovely coincidences that occasionally makes doing this fun, someone spotted a variation of the Sonic Spinner out in the wild at the weekend. He took some photos and a video of it, like a good reader.

“I came across this, this past weekend and figured since you catalogue every other piece of Sonicdom, you’d like to add this to your collection. It’s called the Sonic and Tails Spinner and I found it at the Contemporary Resort located in Walt Disney World. I didn’t play it because I didn’t feel like wasting my money.”

“Basically, there are two buttons on the cabinet, one Sonic and one Tails. You hit the Sonic button first, the numbers light up and eventually the light lands on one number. Then, you hit the Tails button and it does pretty much the same thing. Sonic’s number is then multiplied by Tails’ and that’s how many tickets you get. It plays Twinkle Park (the actual park part) music. Thought you might like to see this. Thanks and peace – William Winikus.”

“And here’s a video. Nothing happens in it so don’t excited. You can hear the music being played though and see machine in all its spinning glory (even thought it’s not spinning).”

THE ENTIRE, RUBBISH, BEWILDERING PRESS RELEASE

SEGA “Race” to reveal London Preview Line up

Sega Amusements Europe Ltd. will reveal a star studded cast of new product at this year’s London Preview. The world market leader will have more than nine new pieces on offer, with both World and European exclusives.

Headlining will be Sega’s brand new Race TV an all American style twin driver. The all singing all dancing driver is full of thrills and spills, with 4 car multi-play, 8 unique character drivers, 5 courses, licensed cars, a special boost feature, real time live commentary and special password accessing. The twin cabinet is sure to delight with its eye catching look!

Shoot This Win This will add even more fun to the line up – this gun shooting “skill based” game will have its global unveiling at the London show and is sure to wow audiences. Shoot This Win This is a single player, skill based shooting game, giving players the chance to play 6 carnival style mini games on a 26″ TFT widescreen and win prizes. Developed in conjunction with Hollywood gaming Shoot This Win This also offers an optional redemption facility making it even more appealing to players and operators alike – a sure fire hit!

Continuing the prize theme Sega’s UFO Catcher is ready for take off after extensive successful onsite testing. The skill based prize concept game with its bright look and clean lines creates the perfect platform to display a wide array of merchandise including boxed product. An inbuilt ‘Media Pack’ including 19″ monitor and speaker system gives operators the opportunity to advertise game play techniques and in machine prize items.

With a legendary reputation for producing No. 1 gun games it is only fitting that Sega should choose the London preview for the first European viewing of Primeval Hunt. This two player prehistoric hunting game has all the elements of extreme hunting – stealth, cunning, and skill – only bigger. Players test their wits by tracking and hunting dinosaurs across vast landscape. Unique features include the free roaming, touch screen; pump action gun, 2 player match play, and game progression. Primeval Hunt is on the mighty Lindbergh platform and available in both standard 29″ monitor and deluxe 50″ monitor versions for a monster experience.

Justin Burke, Sega’s Marketing manager had this to say about this years preview, “Sega’s line-up at the London preview will provide lots of variety for our clients, with strong products covering all areas of the market including, an exciting new driver in Race TV, the hard core gamers favourite Initial D4, new redemption pieces like Sonic Spinner, the fun family game Shoot This Win This and a further addition to the successful SEGA kids range – a licensed card vending Thomas the Tank Engine game.”

Paul Williams concluded, “Our dedication to develop all round family product continues after the success of Let’s go Jungle this summer. The venture for Sega Amusements Europe into the prize business is very exciting with big plans in the pipe line for the UFO catcher.”

Amongst other pieces on display at the SEGA stand will be Virtua tennis 3, After Burner Super Deluxe, Virtua fighter 5, Manic Panic Ghost, Ghost squad Evolution and Extreme Hunting 2 Deluxe.

No wonder they didn’t release it. That camera angle looks terrible.

Can we have a hi-res version of this, please, Nintendo? It’s on your site here. We refuse to believe that a company of Nintendo’s means uses a camera with a maximum resolution of 230 x 160.

Thanks. It’ll make a good update. Probably even a funny one!

All hail “Where’s Sonic?” the exciting new web-based Sonic game! Even though it’s rubbish and all you do is click on a square then write down your email address, we’ll still give it 8/10.

You can play it here. Don’t, though. It really isn’t worth it.

This marks a first. We are excited about a wastepaper basket. We are either really old and standing in Habitat looking at wastepaper baskets and wondering what happened to the last 40 years, or… IT’S AN AWESOME SEGA WASTEPAPER BASKET!

Please, scroll down slowly. Don’t spoil it for yourself. The photographs get better as you go down and are best enjoyed slowly.

You think this is good? This is NOTHING. Just wait until you see the other side. This is the side that goes against the wall. This, incredibly, is the shit side…

This is the awesome side!

And it gets better! This bin somehow defies physics and has three increasingly awesome sides. That is, literally, the greatest piece of Sonic The Hedgehog artwork EVER. And it’s been wasted on a fucking bin. It should’ve been painted on Australia so it can be seen from space.

And there’s even a joke to go at the end. Text book reader submission from Andrew Elliott, owner of the world’s greatest wastepaper basket.

American sales figures for August. They make particularly joyous reading, thanks to PS3’s “price cut” making zero difference. It would also appear everyone finally owns a PS2, with that scourge on the last seven years of gaming fading fast.

AMERICAN HARDWARE SALES FOR AUGUST, 2007

Wii: 403, 000
NDS 383,000
360: 276, 000
PS2: 202,000
PSP: 151, 000
PS3: 130, 000

Sony’s rubbish American PR blog is yet to make any comment. We’ll be pressing F5 all day in amused anticipation.