Like Project Gotham Racing Mobile, which is coming soon. It excitingly embraces the thrilling communication device medium by letting you download ghost cars of other racers and upload your own. The kids will go mad for that, at least they will when they’re not exchanging weird smiley faces and photos of their genitals on MySpace.

It’s got corners and straights, plus words that come up on the screen to reaffirm what you’re doing. That one on the right is a bit of London!

Not sure where that one on the left is. It looks like a bit of France stuck in a bit of America. Perhaps it is. The thing on the right is the ‘box’, not that downloadable mobile games really come in boxes, so they wasted their time putting that together. We wonder if Richard Jacques, our best MySpace friend had anything to do with the sound?

Then there’s the KING OF THE WORLD. Sonic’s been out for a while – but it’s SONIC. Its one-button style actually works on a mobile, and it’s always – literally always – a joy to play Sonic 1 again and relive (a) youth, and (b) Sonic not being in 3D and shit.

Games won’t ever be this good again. All you’re getting from now on is war and ‘sandbox’ crime games. That’s it. It’s your own stupid faults. We’re not getting another Space Channel 5 because everyone else decided they’d rather baseball bat prostitutes to death instead. Thanks, cruel, miserable world.

There’s also ChuChu Rocket. Arguing with games of this quality is pointless. You can try, but you’d look really stupid and like you were arguing with a telephone.

And Super Monkey Ball Tip ‘n Tilt. Which, ironically, has seen the makers take a perfectly good 3D game and make it 2D. Like what’s happened to Sonic recently only in reverse.

If only SEGA would still take risks on exciting new ideas like Monkey Ball. It wouldn’t get made today, would it? Poor old Nagoshi-san would get told to go back to his little office and have a more commercial idea, preferably one to do with earning ‘turf’ and ‘respect’ in a city environment.

You can try out java versions of all these mobile games for free here. There’s also one called Sexy Babes Wild Waterslides which we have requested a full version of for review.

Joy through numbers.

He’s lost quite a bit of weight, but those tell-tale glasses and that fearsome grimace give away his identity.

Losing the moustache has taken years off him too.

Who would’ve thought such an innocent could grow up to unleash such terror upon the world? More childhood Robotnik photos here. He seems to have lived a full and varied life echoing that of Geroge Harrison, apart from the bit where he becomes a techno DJ at the end.

Although DJ-ing in Union Street to a bunch of pissed-up squaddies on shore leave means he’ll be dead very soon.

Tomorrow: Dr Robotnik.

Maybe next year the Oxford English will pick up on them.

Maybe tomorrow we’ll add ‘Ikaruga’, then on Wednesday we could do ‘Silvergun’. Wouldn’t want to do too many emotionally sensitive words at once, as the pain is still only barely concealed.

Oblivion! New on PlaySta… oh.

Fight Night Round 3! New on PlaySta… oh.

Call of Duty 3! New on PlaySta… oh.

Blazing Angels! New on PlaySta… oh. And so on. You get the point.

Figure a: Ken reveals genius Euro PS3 scheme. JUST SAY NO.

Special thanks to Dave G for the camera work, Jenny and Dawn for help with the script, Mike T for editing, Paul for costumes and lighting, and JW for audio.

BUY ONE NOW! Or wait another week and get one from the skip.