Sonic and Knuckles have been scribbled out. There’s a reason for this. The person who owns the book will explain himself in the next caption.

“If you look at the intro page, you can see where the young me crossed out all the Sonic pictures because I HATED Sonic for being RUBBISH. I am sorry.”

It’s not really a cheats book. It’s an empty notebook for you to write your own cheats down on. It must’ve been a lot easier to produce than today’s 200-page walkthroughs of Splinter Cell.

Mario cheats shouldn’t really be written down in a SEGA book.

If you’ve got some old rubbish on your attic that says SEGA on it, please send it in. We’re rapidly becoming the Wikipedia of SEGA.

Although…

Actually…

Come to think of it…

When you look at it like this…

BEST FILM EVER TWO THUMBS UP AND FIVE OUT OF FIVE.

And we thought Dreamcast was bad. We will pray for the poor Nintendo fans tonight.

He was always rubbish, a sort of nervous, albino Philip Schofield who was too jittery to ever be funny or watchable. He also looked suspicious all the time and too thin, probably because he’s a nervous fidget.

Anyway, he’s not dead from crack! He’s just in the purgatory of regional TV.

No wait, *local* TV — TV for Manchester! Specifically Manchester. Not the Manchester area, but a very particular bit of the centre of Manchester. He’s on Channel M, a new TV station that’s quite hard to get and definitely only for Manchester.

Andy’s introductory movie is stilted script reading at its best! He probably didn’t know it was going on the internet where people might see it, else he would’ve tried a bit harder. There’s also a woman reporter who walks with purpose and swishes her hair. We’re starting to think this might be a viral marketing joke site.

He’s also on the radio! It must be a hell of a hectic schedule for the real life Alan Partridge.

It’s taken from the Xbox Gear Store which, optimistically, features tops and t-shirts in girl sizes.

YOU CAN EVEN BUY AN XBOX 360 HAT:

The hat will get you “new friends“.

Its arms open 45-degrees! That means you could hug it, and it could hug you back. Its cold metal skin would be quite close to feeling love. We’d imagine.

BUT! This is something for charity about driving rubbish cars across Europe, with Bizarre Creations staff – the nicest people in games – doing the driving and getting sponsored by RICHARD JACQUES! And if Richard thinks it’s OK, THAT MAKES IT OK!

This may also mark a Scrooge-like turning point for us in which we stop building the chains that will weigh us down in the afterlife.

We’ve observed some of these “Little Girls” in their natural environment, and they’re not even talking about the ones with small tits. They mean real little girls. The kind whose hands aren’t even big enough to hold a Game Boy up yet.

Some might say that the time was right for a triumphant return to the hardware market.

Photoshop was still in its developmental infancy.

Imagine bicycling to work on Dreamcast Orange Folding SEGA Bicycle. You’d look AMAZINGLY COOL for the first few minutes before you get beaten up by laughing schoolchildren.

If Doctor Who had a mode of transport in his new series, it would be a Dreamcast Orange Folding SEGA Bicycle.

This is in the UK at the moment, apparently in the hands (and occasionally beneath the buttocks of) a Japanese SEGA producer. We might invite ourselves down to SEGA’s office to worship at its BEAUTIFUL TINY LITTLE WHEELS.