Archive for 2006:

MEGA DRIVE SONIC 2: EARLY PROTOTYPE VERSION FOUND

And released webwards by world-famous ROM collector. If you’re new to all this, you need an emulator like Gens to make it work, and a PC made since 1998. And preferably a joypad of some sort, as Sonic’s magic is diminished significantly when ‘X’ is down and ‘D’ is right and ‘Space’ is jump.

Sonic doing a new thing!

Now you don’t have to pretend to like the Sonic games released since 1995 any more!

GET IT HERE:
Hidden Palace – News / Sonic 2 early prototype

OR HERE:
The site hosting it appears to have died. Allow us to ‘help out’ by hosting the ROM here.

Comments (17)

THE TRIFORCE HAVE/HAS DONE A BOOK ABOUT GAMES

And they/it sent us a copy of it, which presumably means we’re allowed to review it and they won’t go mad if we say it’s rubbish.

Hope we haven't broken Amazon's exclusive

It’s not rubbish, but also not as good as the book we would’ve written. But no one really wants to publish a million words with no full stops or commas about having anal sex with non-threatening female cartoon characters, so The Triforce would appear to have won this particular battle.

Bangai-O seemed rubbish for the all-of-five-minutes chance we gave it

We briefly flicked through it looking for factual inaccuracies to point out, but couldn’t find any because what the hell do we know about The Sims or Jak and Daxter: The Precursor Legacy? This was very disappointing.

And OutRun2 is mentioned

It’s got Animal Crossing: Wild World in it, and OutRun, and Lumines, and Tony Hawk 3, so would appear to be on the right track.

More shame heaped upon Sonic

WRONG THINGS: Pro Evo 5 is the slowest and worst Pro Evo of them all, Rez is little more than waving your mouse around your PC screen while listening to some music you downloaded but don’t really like, and why isn’t Sonic The Hedgehog in it but Jet Set Radio Future is?

By gamers, for gamers!!

“THE GAME IS THE STAR” – this line could only come from people that have sat in numerous development and product marketing meetings.

Try before you buy!!

“The most fun you can legally have with your clothes on” is a line we would imagine was inserted by the publisher without the authors’ knowledge or consent, seeing as it really belongs in a 1985 Zzap! magazine review of Paradroid. They’ll probably say it’s meant to be ironic. Taking your clothes off also doesn’t mean more fun – it means being cold and feeling disgusted with yourself.

Still

Still, it’s nice to have, especially for free, and a rare thing we got sent that won’t immediately get listed on the mortgage payment war chest fund (eBay). Thanks. We hope we have stimulated debate and enthusiasm for the project.

AN INTERVIEW WITH ONE OF THE TRIFORCE
We sent questions via email to all three of the Triforce. David’s answers were abrupt and abusive, Simon’s cleverly highlighted the flaws in the email interview process, and Ste didn’t bother but said he would if we wanted. We said not to bother.

SO HERE’S SIMON’S INTERVIEW:

WHY ISN’T SEGA RALLY IN IT?
Because it’s not as good as Sonic The Hedgehog

WHY ISN’T SONIC THE HEDGEHOG IN IT?
Because it’s not as good as Daytona USA

WHY ISN’T DAYTONA USA IN IT?
Because it’s not as good as Streets Of Rage 2

WHY ISN’T STREETS OF RAGE 2 IN IT?
Because it’s not as good as Nights

WHY ISN’T NiGHTS IN IT?
Because it’s not as good as Phantasy Star Online

WHY ISN’T PHANTASY STAR ONLINE IN IT?
Because it’s not as good as Shenmue

WHY ISN’T SHENMUE IN IT?
Because it’s not as good as a Virtua Fighter of any kind

WHY ISN’T A VIRTUA FIGHTER OF ANY KIND IN IT?
Because it’s not as good as Pong

Comments (17)

PLAYSTATION3 MAKES GREAT GAMES RUBBISH

This is how you can play Virtua Tennis 3 on PS3. Dennis Norden would encourage you to file this under ‘Totally Needless Innovations That Actually Make Good Things Worse’:

PS3 ruins Virtua Tennis

So now, instead of pressing a button to make the thing you want to happen happen immediately, you wave the controller to maybe make the thing you want to happen happen, or to perhaps make something else happen that you didn’t want to happen at all. Thanks for ruining all our games with your stupid new idea for women and the elderly that everyone’s copying, Nintendo!

It's all Nintendo's fault

Game-breaking nonsense. As long as there’s an option to ‘MAKE IT BE LIKE DREAMCAST’ it’ll probably be OK.

Comments (12)

A MAN’S ESSAY ABOUT RACISM IN SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG

We got sent this. It’s by ‘Peter Wilson’. Obviously it’s too many words to bother to read and see if it’s any good or makes sense not, but we’d be mad not to upload an essay called ‘Racism and Shadow The Hedgehog’. So here it is, as we’re definitely not mad.

Racism and Shadow the Hedgehog
By Peter Wilson

Shadow the Hedgehog is an action computer game for the Sony PlayStation 2, Microsoft Xbox and Nintendo Gamecube. Despite its apparent targeting at a younger audience, the game undeniably touches on issues of race, often in an unfair way. Shadow is a black character, as are the main villains of the game. While Shadow is essentially the ‘hero’ of the game, it is not straightforward. Players are given a choice as to whether to be good or evil.

Unlike his counterpart ‘Sonic’, Shadow, the main character of the game, is not an archetypal hero. He is portrayed as an ‘edgier’ character, having suffered amnesia and therefore having difficulties with his own sense of self. Most importantly of all, whereas Sonic is blue, Shadow’s fur is that of a distinct black. Whereas Sonic would appear on the covers of his games with a big grin on his face, Shadow appears on the cover art with a definite sneer, most notably holding what appears to be a large gun. In the game itself, when Shadow first acquires his firearm, Sonic utters,
“I wouldn’t be caught dead with one of those.”

Why is this? Because Sonic is not black? Sonic Team, the creator of the game, are definitely making a point here. Firstly, Sonic is implying that it is not in his character to use guns, does this mean it is in a black persons nature to use guns? In all the many, many Sonic games, Sonic has never once used a gun, but in giving the first black character in the Sonic universe their own spin-off game, they immediately pick up a gun and don’t even question the morality of its usage.

Secondly, unlike a normal Sonic game, the player of ‘Shadow’ is given the choice as to whether or not to play through the game as ‘good’ or ‘evil’. Why is this? Never once while playing as Sonic have we had the chance to be evil. However, once we switch to Shadow, his black counterpart, many of the games’ objectives are in fact, to do evil deeds. Is it a mere coincidence that the ‘black guy’ has the ability to become evil, while the ‘white guy’ (or in this case blue) does not?

The bad guys are rather unsubtly named ‘The Black Aliens’. Within the story they have come down to Earth and are causing havoc on the world they’re invading. If this is not a swipe at immigration laws then I don’t know what is. At once the soldiers of Earth (all of them are white) go to war with these black aliens. If a player decides to side with these soldiers these ‘black aliens’ can be killed. However, to side with the aliens, you are not able to kill the soldiers, merely knock them to the ground; either that or simply destroy lifeless robots. The evidence is clear here, you are allowed to kill ‘the blacks’, but you aren’t allowed to kill ‘the whites’. Is the life of a white man really that much more significant than the life of a black man? Were the actions of the ‘Black Aliens’ to be performed by human they would ultimately considered as ‘terrorist’, therefore by this rationale every terrorist must be black.

While all the characters in the Sonic the Hedgehog universe have their own distinct personalities (Sonic being the ‘cool’ one, Knuckles being the ‘brash’ one, etc), Shadow on the other hand does not. He is confused and alone; he is essentially a black man in a white man’s world. When the ‘Black Aliens’ come to his Earth, he naturally fears them.

“Get out of my sight, disgusting black creatures,” is just one of the many racist remarks he himself utters, despite the fact that he is black himself. Only when the story progresses and Shadow realises that he may be of the same origin as the black aliens, does he call their wickedness into question. Is this a knock by Sega at the ‘average’ black man not staying true to his roots in today’s white oriented culture? It seems likely.

At one point in the game you are forced to decide between siding with the ‘Black Aliens’ or the evil ‘Dr. Robotnik’. For those not familiar with the Sonic the Hedgehog universe, Dr. Robotnik is essentially a fascist dictator with aspirations of world domination. Now, while the black aliens are doing ‘evil’ deeds, Dr. Robotnik has also performed, and continues to perform deeds just as evil. Let us imagine, for argument’s sake, that the Black Aliens and Dr. Robotnik are as ‘evil’ as each other; why so then, is Dr. Robotnik’s cause portrayed as the ‘hero’ option while the side of the ‘Black Aliens’ portrayed as the ‘evil’ option? Is it because Dr. Robotnik is white?

Shadow the Hedgehog? Ban this racist filth.

Thanks Peter. We particularly like your use of ‘inverted commas’. We forgot to ask if you are black or not, although ‘Peter Wilson’ doesn’t sound like a black name so you’re probably not. No doubt this will stimulate some heated debate in the Comments field!

Comments (40)

TO LOOK THIS BUFF TAKES AGES

Richard Jacques went ‘totally custom’ with his t-shirt for his performance at the weekend’s Game City event. He’s also not the most natural in front of a camera.

...ages of sitting down

More photos from Game City.

Comments (6)

SOMETHING SOMEONE ELSE HAS MADE THAT’S FUNNY AND ABOUT GAMES

We HATE IT when other people are ‘funny about games on the internet’. We invented doing that and no one else should be allowed to do it under UK law. Our usual stance is therefore to ignore anyone else that tries to be funny about games on the internet and pretend they don’t exist. UNTIL NOW.

This fake Nintendo Wii advert *is* sort of funny. A bit. For something made by other people. That’s the most complimentary we’re going to get.

AS EVER
As ever, YouTube have removed the video. Because it had some tits in. There’s now a direct link to it on the creator’s web site.

Comments (11)

BOURNEMOUTH SEGA PARK – NOW A SOULLESS WASTELAND

The SEGA Park in Bournemouth is now a “Leisure Exchange” which is like an arcade, only emptier and worse. A roving reporter took us some photos of the inside and was even kind enough to write some captions for us. We can now take the rest of the day off to stare blankly at a screen and line up our icons, because if the icons aren’t lined up properly…

THE REPORTER’S INTRODUCTION:
“The place has gone from being a testing site for every single new Sega arcade machine to a large empty room with no people and even less machines… oh, and a big area dedicated to ‘gambling'”

“This used to be where it said SEGA PARK in big blue letters. Now it says… well, this. And there’s a big silver AMUSEMENTS sign above the door, just in case people are too thick to work out what a Leisure Exchange is. On the plus side though, the Quasar’s quite good – nice and big, with loads of good places to hide”

“Sonic’s still in the windows despite the place no longer being a proper Sega Park, probably because they’re waiting for some chavs to smash them with a brick so they can claim for new Sonic-free glass on the insurance”

“The view from the front door. This place used to be CRAMMED with machines – really interesting ones. Now, there’s a huge gap in the middle (like, HUGE) and all the machines have been pushed against the walls. There’s a sole pool table at the back, which the chavs use mostly for sitting on”

“The newest machine the place has, besides Virtua Striker 4 and House Of The Dead 4 (both of which we’re surprised even appeared in this tired old place) is this WCCF card game. No one ever plays it. But then, there’s never anyone in here. To be fair though, having this and OutRun 2 SP is vaguely impressive… it’s just a shame all the other machines have been lost in the process”

“These people are playing Virtua Tennis 2. There are two VT2 machines in the arcade, but one’s got a shit screen that’s all purple and warped. It used to have several sit-down beat-’em-up cabinets (Tekken 4, SVC Chaos, Soul Calibur II) but they’re all gone now. In their place is a Sonic Blast Man punching machine. Bleugh”

AND THAT’S IT
Had we written this we would’ve included some sort of narrative structure about the day and probably lied about there being tramps cooking up smack in the toilets. Still, it’s not bad for a free update. Thanks!

Comments (16)

WHEN THINGS WE HATE COLLIDE

They’ve been reading our nightmares and making them real again:

50 Cent on PSP *sad gangsta smiley face*

For every candle-lit Richard Jacques performance of a SEGA classic, there are ten thousand opposing copies of 50 Cent Bulletproof on PSP. It’s how nature keeps things in balance. And there’s still no sign of that US Gold Pet Shop Boys game rumoured in 1986 :(

Comments (10)

HEAR THE ACTUAL VOICE OF RICHARD JACQUES

Dave, from Snackspot, met Richard Jacques. Which is JUST NOT FAIR because his stupid web site is about sweets and crisps and what does HE KNOW about Richard Jacques? That’s like us meeting the CEO of Nestle and getting him to say something into a microphone about limited edition Kit Kats.

Still, Dave got Richard to say something into a microphone just for us:

THE ACTUAL VOICE OF RICHARD JACQUES [400k MP3]

In this short ‘sound file broadcast’ Rich plugs his upcoming show and acknowledges our existence. It’s like we’re proper and matter.

THINGS WE HAVE DONE:

  • Seen him
  • Heard him

    THINGS WE ARE YET TO DO:

  • Touch him
  • Smell him
  • Comments (7)

    WE WERE GOING TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE VIDEO GAME BAFTA AWARDS WHICH JUST HAPPENED

    But no way are we sitting through an hour of Vernon fucking Kaye and editing out all the worst bits to laboriously put on YouTube.

    Sorry.

    OK. Just the one. In this between-award segment, a girl sets out to prove that games aren’t just for geeks. She does this by going to a room that’s full of geeks and talking to lots of geeks, before the INEVITABLE interview with a girl gaming clan.

    This one sums up the nightmare perfectly. The developer’s an amazing geek (no disrespect, so are we and our ‘target demographic’), the hostess hasn’t got a clue and the award presenter admits to not playing games at all. That’s why next year there probably won’t be a video game BAFTAs. Or if there is, it’ll happen in a small room and there won’t be any cameras and the trophies will be made out of LEGO.

    In this one, the stupid woman says she’s only in it for the money and admits to knowing nothing about games. Poor little Rob from Nintendo does a good job of smiling and pretending it’s all going OK though! Well done Rob. Can we have a Wii? We’re going to say Animal Crossing Wild World is the best game of 2006 in a couple of months, so we deserve it.

    Then, as you’d expect from an organisation that’s just ‘discovered’ games 25 years too late and think they’re new and exciting, they go through the whole “games as art” bullshit we got bored of at about the same time we got bored of mum giving us cheese on toast for lunch every day.

    We can’t take any more. It’s all up on UK Nova as a Bittorrent to download, but is about as ‘worth it’ as PlayStation3 and ten copies of Lair.

    EMERGENCY BACK-UPS
    When BAFTA, E4, YouTube and the council all gang up to have these clips removed from YouTube, you may download the files from here. We spent hours on this shit, no way is it all going to waste.

  • “My wife forbids it”
  • “Not geeks! (yes geeks)”
  • “I’m just here for the paycheck”
  • “Are games (yawn) art?”
  • Comments (11)