PHONE WITNESS REPORT: “I was walking down one of the main shopping centres here in Spain when this promotion caught my eye. Yes, it’s 2007, and yes, someone is using Sonic (the cool one, may I state) to sell mobile phones.”

This is very disappointing. We thought Sonic would have a really cool mobile, like a Blackberry Curve or some sort of Windows Mobile 5 hybrid organiser that also does GPS. This is not a cool phone with attitude. Fortunately for Sonic, it’s not possible for him to go any further down in our estimation thanks to the recent Xbox 360/PS3 game that reduced our estimation of him to ZERO.

Click on it for the full-size original. You’ll have to do your own resizing and cropping and whatever, as even opening up Photoshop is a bit of a chore for us these days.

This man is bowling. He goes bowling to meet hot chicks, who can’t control themselves when they see his monkey-like grin and over-engineered trainers.

This is a woman doing some tennis. She seems to be having fun, despite holding an awful-looking bit of plastic. They could’ve got some sexy whites for her to wear… *remembers Emily Booth in that episode of Bits*

Golfing. This is why women shouldn’t be allowed in male sporting institutions – those shoes would cause substantial damage to the greens.

Pooling twat.

This is the device that controls puzzle games. More importantly, you can see her bra.

And this is what every man looks like when trying to make a small plastic steering wheel look exciting. It simply cannot be done. Nice balancing work, mind.

This may well have been a bit of a rubbish update, but it served one very important purpose – it made us remember to upload another AMAZING SONIC DESKTOP IMAGE. Which we’ll do soon. Probably on Monday, unless someone emails in something better.

8,9,6, Dial!

It’ll be like Street Fighter II on Xbox Live Arcade. Amazing in concept, then you get it and realise it’s too hard and you haven’t really got the time or inclination for this kind of thing any more.

You’d have more luck completing Mavis Beacon on a mobile.

THINLY-VEILED ADVERTISEMENT: “I got this Sonic the Hedgehog racing set years ago at a thrift market. It’s not really anything special as it’s just a regular race track, but with Sonic and Tails’ face pasted onto the cars (and the box). Either way, it DOES have Sonic’s name on it, and I assume anything that cashed in on his character from when his games actually were fun might be worth showing, so there you go. BTW I’m selling it if anyone wants it…”

That’s a high level cirrostratus, mainly composed of ice crystals.

A cirrocumulus at around 20,000 feet. These are usually found at sunset.

A very thin layer of altostratus. A mid-level cloud that forms between 7,000 and 20,000 feet.

Can’t see. Looks like a Photoshop 35mm Prime lens flare though

Cirrostratus again. No chance of rain today!

Looks like there’s a stratocumulus formation of mid-height rain-bearing clouds over the mountains.

Bloody cirrocumulus again. We’d like to see dark and moody altocumulus for the sake of variety.

Moving. A single lens flare effect is worth 1000 hours of CG footage.

This is the oddest thing to have happened in the very odd history of Sony’s Euro PR blog. It is Sony, reviewing one of its games. And as you might expect in a review on a blog funded by Sony, the game funded by Sony does really quite well.

Just to reiterate, that says “Heavenly Sword is amazing to behold, seriously addictive, pleasingly original, in that it manages not to feel like any other game you’ve played…”

Now we’re not saying Heavenly Sword isn’t the best thing in the world, ever, it could very well be, but having Sony-paid writers reviewing Sony games for a Sony web site is creating quite a large mockery of the games industry.

OFFICIAL NEW ENEMY. Although, being professional, it’s unlikely angry Three Speech staff will pile in here and call us cunts in the comments bit, so this may well be a bit of a one-sided confrontation.

And would’ve, maybe even as recently as five years ago.

A FREE UPDATE, BASICALLY: “Here are some edited pics of Emily booth on the X-League TV set with an empty couch next to her. This gives you the opportunity to put yourself in an interview with her and talk about things that are nice like Sega and that.

“The first image shows Emily looking slightly worried and nervous like she might not want to be there while the second shows her clearly enjoying herself and finding the whole situation to be great fun.”

“I’ve also included an ‘example’ pic of everyone’s favourite interviewee. Enjoy! Joe.”