This is a real game, not a Photoshop joke. It is therefore funnier than a Photoshop joke, because lots of serious businessmen are having to pretend this is a really great game that they genuinely like and think is going to “really catch on”.

It’s Freddie Flintoff Blast ‘Em Cricket and it’s out to buy through your Vodafone mobile on Friday, so it’s unlikely there’s enough time for them to make it (a) any better or (b) spelt right:

“Congratulation”? This is proof that even the people MAKING mobile phone games don’t care about them.

We suspect this was developed in two weeks by a Taiwanese outsourcing company that usually specialises in creating DVD menu screens.

HERE’S A BUSINESSMAN PRETENDING HE THINKS IT’S GREAT:
Tim Yates, Chief Marketing Officer, Vodafone UK commented, “The Freddie Flintoff Blast ‘Em Cricket game is yet another area in which Vodafone, through its sponsorship of the England Cricket Team, is adding to the cricket experience for the fans. We have already launched video highlights of all England’s home internationals this summer, including the Ashes, exclusively available on Vodafone live! with 3G. This new Java game compliments the existing sports content available on Vodafone live! and positions Vodafone as the mobile communications provider for sports and entertainment followers around the world.”

WHAT A TWAT! AND HERE’S ANOTHER ONE:
Pete Russell, Managing Director of Player One, commented; “Player One is extremely excited to be launching this fun and addictive title that will appeal to both cricket and non-cricket fans alike. Freddie Flintoff is a true international sporting legend and will contribute greatly in England’s bid to win The Ashes this summer. With an amazing line up of fixtures this summer, cricket will be the focus of this season’s sporting calendar and we expect this title to be extremely popular.”

The entire mobile phone gaming industry needs to take a three-month unpaid sabbatical to think about what it wants to do with itself, because it really isn’t working out very well at the moment.

Is this what people on web forums mean when they write things like “NINTENDON’T IS TEH PWNED”?

Says the maker: “It is currently running at about 4 fps and no sound it only runs a few demos and metroid intro and there is currently no controls” Awesome! That’s why we don’t bother with emulators.

We got an email off of Andrew Vestall! He’s everyone’s person on the internet they know that lives in Japan, and we think he offered to be our Japanese friend a few years ago.

This is what he said:

“I am sending you a photo of Yoda having coffee with a young couple at a Denny’s-like family restaurant. I saw this advertisement in Shibuya this afternoon and something inside me died; all I can do now is spread the hurt.”

He obviously likes Star Wars. Luckily for us, we’re probably the people that like Star Wars least out of everyone on the whole internet, so this sort of thing just bounces off our steel-like skin.

We asked Andrew what the advert is for. He said: “The same cell phones Darth Vader was hawking (AU). They’re having a campaign with Star Wars-themed ring tones, backgrounds, animations, etc. for free on newly contracted AU phones. So I guess the idea is that when AU becomes part of your life, so does Star Wars.”

Thank you for that breaking news from Japan! For more breaking news from Japan, look at Andrew’s web site.

***Sorry, another cock-up. Final headline as above. *****

Trip Hawkins is now… selling an Atkins Diet application for the 3 Mobile phone network. At least it’s a better idea than 3DO.

Using Atkins2Go, 3’s customers will be able to look up the carbohydrate values in various foods on their mobile phone, log foods eaten along and track their carbohydrate intake and weight loss over time. Already popular in the United States, Atkins2Go is the first application of its kind developed specifically for the over 20 million people worldwide who embrace the Atkins Nutritional Approach(tm) and are looking for quick and easy mobile applications to support their lifestyles

Trip Hawkins, Chief Executive and Founder of Digital Chocolate said: “Atkins2Go brings more freedom and convenience to mobile users who are conscious of their carb intake as part of a healthy lifestyle. We’re excited that 3 shares our commitment to creating the most easy-to-use, fun applications for today’s mobile lifestyle.”

ABOUT TRIP HAWKINS
He made a rubbish company that made some rubbish games.

3 – Company site – Digital Chocolate and 3 bring Atkins2Go(tm) to mobile in European first

***Sorry, we got it wrong again. Corrected headline above.***

Trip Hawkins is now… selling an Atkins Diet application for the 3 Mobile phone network. At least it’s a better idea than 3DO.

Using Atkins2Go, 3’s customers will be able to look up the carbohydrate values in various foods on their mobile phone, log foods eaten along and track their carbohydrate intake and weight loss over time. Already popular in the United States, Atkins2Go is the first application of its kind developed specifically for the over 20 million people worldwide who embrace the Atkins Nutritional Approach(tm) and are looking for quick and easy mobile applications to support their lifestyles

Trip Hawkins, Chief Executive and Founder of Digital Chocolate said: “Atkins2Go brings more freedom and convenience to mobile users who are conscious of their carb intake as part of a healthy lifestyle. We’re excited that 3 shares our commitment to creating the most easy-to-use, fun applications for today’s mobile lifestyle.”

ABOUT TRIP HAWKINS
He made a rubbish company that made some rubbish games.

3 – Company site – Digital Chocolate and 3 bring Atkins2Go(tm) to mobile in European first

***This is a re-run of yesterday’s story, only with the headline we should’ve done at the time. Sorry for the error.***

Trip Hawkins is now… selling an Atkins Diet application for the 3 Mobile phone network. At least it’s a better idea than 3DO.

Using Atkins2Go, 3’s customers will be able to look up the carbohydrate values in various foods on their mobile phone, log foods eaten along and track their carbohydrate intake and weight loss over time. Already popular in the United States, Atkins2Go is the first application of its kind developed specifically for the over 20 million people worldwide who embrace the Atkins Nutritional Approach(tm) and are looking for quick and easy mobile applications to support their lifestyles

Trip Hawkins, Chief Executive and Founder of Digital Chocolate said: “Atkins2Go brings more freedom and convenience to mobile users who are conscious of their carb intake as part of a healthy lifestyle. We’re excited that 3 shares our commitment to creating the most easy-to-use, fun applications for today’s mobile lifestyle.”

ABOUT TRIP HAWKINS
He made a rubbish company that made some rubbish games.

3 – Company site – Digital Chocolate and 3 bring Atkins2Go(tm) to mobile in European first

Fans of shooting games well catered for in day-one release schedule:

It’s not just for hardcore gamers, it’s for *everyone* that likes to buy squad-based war games set in realistic environments!

You’re a Star Wars fan. You’ve watched the new trilogy. You will NEVER be able to look at the ice-cool cyborg samurai who vapourises planets again without thinking of Hayden Christensen’s curmudgeonly doughplate grunting out the words “I slaughdered them like animaaals!” Short of Darth Vader shilling mobile phones, could things get any worse?

Oh, wait.

Warning: Dwelling on things like this for too long can make the back of your eyes itch, so be sure to keep a rusty wire hanger around in case you need a REALLY GOOD SCRATCH. We did, and now pictures like this can’t hurt us again. Ever.

He’s… selling an Atkins Diet application for the 3 Mobile phone network. At least it’s a better idea than 3DO.

Using Atkins2Go, 3’s customers will be able to look up the carbohydrate values in various foods on their mobile phone, log foods eaten along and track their carbohydrate intake and weight loss over time. Already popular in the United States, Atkins2Go is the first application of its kind developed specifically for the over 20 million people worldwide who embrace the Atkins Nutritional Approach(tm) and are looking for quick and easy mobile applications to support their lifestyles

Trip Hawkins, Chief Executive and Founder of Digital Chocolate said: “Atkins2Go brings more freedom and convenience to mobile users who are conscious of their carb intake as part of a healthy lifestyle. We’re excited that 3 shares our commitment to creating the most easy-to-use, fun applications for today’s mobile lifestyle.”

ABOUT TRIP HAWKINS
He made a rubbish company that made some rubbish games.

3 – Company site – Digital Chocolate and 3 bring Atkins2Go(tm) to mobile in European first

Hoodies. HOODIES. In Sega’s flagship RPG. Not even camp Japanese snorefests about the love lives of jailbait space elves in the future are safe from being chavved up now.

Yo, the Motavia Crew is challengin’ you to- no, it’s no good. We can’t work under these conditions any more.