Author Archive

THERE WAS AN ‘EVENT’ FOR OVERLORD II

Codemasters, adrenaline still pumping through its veins from the thrilling photo opportunity with some strippers, has obviously decided that “photos of women” is the “way to go” from now on.

There must’ve been a meeting about it.

“Don’t worry, everyone will get a go at being near the women.”

“Mike? Did you want a go standing near the women?”

“Chris? Have you had a go at being near the women yet?”

“Who else wants to have a go at being near the women?”

“Come on, last chance. They have to go back to their proper boyfriends soon. They’ve been paid money to be here today, so they won’t slag you off or belittle you too much after.”

“Yes, it’s OK to put your arm around them.”

“Just try not to roughly grab their arms. They don’t like that.”

“Last call. Anyone else want to be near a woman and get a free Polaroid of the moment to take away?”

“Paul, don’t be shy. Come and have go at being near them. They won’t bite! Not unless you ask them to!!”

“No, seriously. They won’t bite. It’s fine. Come and have a go.”

“We’ll put the mask over your head so no one can see you blushing.”

Sorry if you are any of these people.

Very sorry.

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ADVANCE NOTIFICATION OF “CHANGE”

There will be a light to moderate change to UKR ‘rolling out’ some time this week. It’s nothing to panic about and won’t involve any frightening new colours like last time. Just so you know.

You might want to spend a few minutes thinking up a good user name in preparation, that’s all.

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CANADIAN PAWN SHOP SONIC GRAFFITI

Oh yes, we are so down with the graffiti. Only last week we “tagged” the local bus stop by writing our initials on it in biro. We put the year down as being “1998” so it looks like the writing has been there for longer than it actually has.

We also got as far as scratching a “U” into the back of a train seat, before realising that’s not what granddad fought in the war for.

Neither is any of this.

“Found in an alley beside a pawn shop in Toronto.”

“The Sonic and Robotnik are pretty cool but I think the artist gave up near the end of the alley because I have no idea who the purple bird thing is.”

“Sorry about poor quality. I used my crappy cell phone camera. I was going to go back with my camera but it was an alley beside a pawnshop so I thought that would’ve been a bit much” – JC.

No idea. Probably one of the new ones out of whatever that DS RPG was called in the end.

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THE SEGA US FLICKER ACCOUNT HAS BETTER/STRONGER MATERIAL

As well as the still-vacant position of SEGA Europe Official Flickr Account Monitor, UKR is pleased to announce we are now recruiting for a SEGA US Official Flickr Account Monitor.

The role would ideally suit an unemployed gentleman of advanced years who is always very angry but can’t ever work out why.

“Here are a few photos for the UK:R wank-bank I thought you may like brought to your attention.”

These two are of the ‘hair woman’ from Bayoneta.”

“And here is a shite quality one of some blonde, apparently from ‘Alpha Protocol’.”

“There is also a bunch more taken with an iPhone of a woman called Daisy Fuentes. I don’t know who that is so didn’t bother to include them. I have nothing more to add” – Edd.

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INDUSTRY NEWS: MIKE RAWLINSON FROM ELSPA HAS GOT SOME NEW GLASSES

Check these frames out. Must be at least £350 of toughened plastic right there. Looks like he even went for the toughened, anti-glare, scratch-resistant lens coating as well.

And going by the lining and button detailing on it that shirt was a good £70, minimum. Belt looks like it came with the trousers. Can’t see enough of the trousers to form a worthwhile conclusion. Shoes: UNKNOWN. If anyone from ELSPA can get us a mobile phone shot of Mike’s feet we’d be eternally grateful.

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LITERALLY 30 PHOTOS FROM A MAN’S “SEGA HONEYMOON”

Literally 30. That’s way too many photographs of empty rooms full of neon tat for most web sites. Fortunately, we do not have the same standards as most web sites.

UKR was formed before internet quality standards were introduced on January 1st 1998, so they don’t apply here. So let’s go.

“Hi. Love your site. Went on a SEGA specific Japan honeymoon with my wife and sought out the great SEGA spots that we only get mere glimpses of on websites.”

“It was in November so there was a weird cross between Halloween and Xmas promotion going on.”

“One of our stops was the SEGA Joypolis in Yokohama… famous for having the SEGASONIC bowling alley and karaoke bar. Well, SEGA sold off that section, but as the pics can attest, remnants of SEGA remain.”

“Last was SEGA SONICTOWN. The most SONIC of all remaining arcades in the world. Not much attention on the net, so I thought these pics could show the world what it’s like. SEGA!” – Radguy.

Thanks for the photos “Radguy”.

One problem, though – you have supplied NOTHING LIKE ENOUGH text to accompany 30 photographs.

It’s going to be very, very hard for us to write something about the remaining 23.

There’s not even any people in half the photos, or any recognisable machinery.

What the hell is this? Some sort of immersive live-action Space Channel 5 simulator?

Sonic.

A bowling lane. Nice font.

Neon.

How do you get to go on a SEGA honeymoon anyway?

Surely girls don’t really like SEGA as much as men? She’s just going along with it all through fear of getting old without having a baby, surely?

See what’s happened now? The submitter didn’t send in enough words to go with the pictures, so now we’ve reverted to type and are abusing his no-doubt-lovely lady wife. We are SCUM :(

Sorry, Radguy and Mrs Radguy, but it’s your own fault. You can’t go expecting us to be polite.

Photos of stuff that’s not for us.

Photos of stuff that’s not for us.

It’s sad to see that all Japanese arcades are equally as empty as UK arcades. At least they’re brighter and cleaner.

Empty.

Embarrassingly empty.

So empty that we’re starting to suspect that “Radguy” is actually a millionaire celebrity, who paid the arcades tens of thousands of pounds to kick all the paying punters out for a few hours so he could have a good look around on his own without being bothered by dirty normal people with their burgers and their Pepsis.

Even the surrounding pavement is empty. People don’t even hang around outside or in the vicinity of arcades any more.

At least everything is clean thanks to being untouched by human hands.

It will help the administrators raise money for the creditors when the arcade owner inevitably goes bust and they have to sell everything on to the next sucker who thinks running an arcade is a good idea.

He will be going bust this autumn if business doesn’t significantly pick up during the summer months, by the look of things.

This one and another three photos to go.

Then we will be free of this burden!

Until tomorrow :(

If the last photo was a shot of the bride & groom smiling in front of this thing and looking like they’d just “done it” in the privacy of one of those photo printing machines, it could’ve been a good Last Update Ever. But we can’t go out like this. Most of the captions were padding.

INTERNET QUALITY CONTROL GUIDELINES

Sites registered prior to 1997: Anything goes. The internet needs as much content as possible to ensure it “catches on”.

Sites registered from Jan 1st 1998: Please try to only post the, say, 10 best photos out of a batch of, say, 30 photos. This is to ensure the internet stops being flooded by crap and “catches on”.

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LITERALLY 30 PHOTOS FROM A MAN’S “SEGA HONEYMOON”

Literally 30. That’s way too many photographs of empty rooms full of neon tat for most web sites. Fortunately, we do not have the same standards as most web sites.

UKR was formed before internet quality standards were introduced on January 1st 1998, so they don’t apply here. So let’s go.

“Hi. Love your site. Went on a SEGA specific Japan honeymoon with my wife and sought out the great SEGA spots that we only get mere glimpses of on websites.”

“It was in November so there was a weird cross between Halloween and Xmas promotion going on.”

“One of our stops was the SEGA Joypolis in Yokohama… famous for having the SEGASONIC bowling alley and karaoke bar. Well, SEGA sold off that section, but as the pics can attest, remnants of SEGA remain.”

“Last was SEGA SONICTOWN. The most SONIC of all remaining arcades in the world. Not much attention on the net, so I thought these pics could show the world what it’s like. SEGA!” – Radguy.

Thanks for the photos “Radguy”.

One problem, though – you have supplied NOTHING LIKE ENOUGH text to accompany 30 photographs.

It’s going to be very, very hard for us to write something about the remaining 23.

There’s not even any people in half the photos, or any recognisable machinery.

What the hell is this? Some sort of immersive live-action Space Channel 5 simulator?

Sonic.

A bowling lane. Nice font.

Neon.

How do you get to go on a SEGA honeymoon anyway?

Surely girls don’t really like SEGA as much as men? She’s just going along with it all through fear of getting old without having a baby, surely?

See what’s happened now? The submitter didn’t send in enough words to go with the pictures, so now we’ve reverted to type and are abusing his no-doubt-lovely lady wife. We are SCUM :(

Sorry, Radguy and Mrs Radguy, but it’s your own fault. You can’t go expecting us to be polite.

Photos of stuff that’s not for us.

Photos of stuff that’s not for us.

It’s sad to see that all Japanese arcades are equally as empty as UK arcades. At least they’re brighter and cleaner.

Empty.

Embarrassingly empty.

So empty that we’re starting to suspect that “Radguy” is actually a millionaire celebrity, who paid the arcades tens of thousands of pounds to kick all the paying punters out for a few hours so he could have a good look around on his own without being bothered by dirty normal people with their burgers and their Pepsis.

Even the surrounding pavement is empty. People don’t even hang around outside or in the vicinity of arcades any more.

At least everything is clean thanks to being untouched by human hands.

It will help the administrators raise money for the creditors when the arcade owner inevitably goes bust and they have to sell everything on to the next sucker who thinks running an arcade is a good idea.

He will be going bust this autumn if business doesn’t significantly pick up during the summer months, by the look of things.

This one and another three photos to go.

Then we will be free of this burden!

Until tomorrow :(

If the last photo was a shot of the bride & groom smiling in front of this thing and looking like they’d just “done it” in the privacy of one of those photo printing machines, it could’ve been a good Last Update Ever. But we can’t go out like this. Most of the captions were padding.

INTERNET QUALITY CONTROL GUIDELINES

Sites registered prior to 1997: Anything goes. The internet needs as much content as possible to ensure it “catches on”.

Sites registered from Jan 1st 1998: Please try to only post the, say, 10 best photos out of a batch of, say, 30 photos. This is to ensure the internet stops being flooded by crap and “catches on”.

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THEY HAVE LAUNCHED WORLD OF WARCRAFT IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY

And when in Rome (or Korea), wear what the Romans (or Koreans) wear. Tummies and thighs are not considered rude in Korea.

They’re trying to spell something out. Send a message. The first letter’s an ‘F’, the girl in the middle’s doing a “U” and the one on the right wants it twice. What could it MEAN?

Found by a “Matt”. There are more photos here where we stole these from. We thought about just stealing them all, but it seems a bit unfair.

It’d also mean us having to write 14 bits of text instead of just four.

We have just signed up for Twitter and are now a bit too busy for that.

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AN EMAIL FROM THE NiGHTS COSPLAYER WITH THE SMALL HEAD

Apparently. This email is also unique in that it’s from a person who had their photo put on here without asking yet is NOT angry about it.

“Hello UKR from the NiGHTS cosplayer with a proportionately small head! I love you guys. Anyway – I come bearing a photo that may be of interest to you. It was taken at a convention in America by a visitor from our website last year. Speaks for itself really. Enjoy” – NiGHTS Cosplayer with Small Head.

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A SMALL PIECE OF RIPPED-OFF POSTER SOMEWHERE IN GERMANY

We think we’re getting near THE END. There can’t be much more after this.

After this, all there’s left for us to do is list all the SEGA Mega CD games one by one, in alphabetical order. Then we can stop.

“Before you ask, yes, that is the highest resolution my camera takes. And in case you feel an inexplicable urge to visit that location right away it is here. Regards” – Jens.

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