Quick! Save as. Resize. Upload. Save as. Resize. Upload. Save as. Resize. Upload. Save as. Resize. Upload. Save as. Resize. Upload. FASTER, COMPUTER! FASTER! This is of GLOBAL SIGNIFICANCE!

Gemma’s co-hosting Play.com Live with perennial games presenter Iain Lee. We’re not entirely convinced Gemma knows very much about games, but that’s unlikely to have been the main reason she was booked.

“Proof, if it were needed, that the Wii does indeed not make you fit in any way. And don’t judge me for having been to The Sun website, I just go there to read the articles (and find out what’s happening on the latest witch hunt). Cheers – Ben.”

Iain Lee’s got a bit fat.

This is the first time we have ever wanted to “be” Iain Lee.

Imagine how much more relaxing it would be, dear Gemma, if you were to actually turn the fucking TV on. This show is going to be a disaster.

Attending still appeals.

Yes! Gemma hates Iain Lee just as much as we hate Iain Lee! We will add this to the list of things we have in common with Gemma Atkinson: 1. A hatred of Iain Lee.

She has legs, and knows how to use them. We doubt she’s quite as adept with a Wii controller.

Go on, Iain, try to get off with her after the show. It’d be a massive victory for the common and slightly geeky man.

There was a slight disturbance over on Idiot Toys that resulted in the police getting called and several readers’ mums being notified about their behaviour. It is still operating at DEFCON 2. Here are some things that were received slightly better – ie, there were no death or legal threats about.

This thing about no one being bothered to bend down and turn the plug off.

This thing about cross-promotional marketing, MySpace still being “going” and episodes of Columbo.

This thing about Brain Training, because we are contractually obliged to pretend we think Wii is a proper games machine once in a while.

This thing about the informal Stupidest People of the Year competition the entire world seems to be running at the moment.

This thing about something called “Pootie Tang.”

This thing about the Canon EF1200mm zoom lens, because you can’t not use pictures like this when they come along:

A traumatic 6/10.

You know how it sometimes seems cool to put SEGA stickers and logos on things? Well, sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes it’s even more embarrassing than the time you split your shorts during PE at school and all the netball girls from class M2 saw everything.

Sometimes, it is like this:

“I spotted this in the parking lot of my college, I tried to get a
shot of the fur-suit, but it must have been in the trunk. Enjoy! – Adam McAmis.”

Maybe if it wasn’t Knuckles. Maybe if it was Cream. Maybe if it wasn’t a Volvo. Maybe if it wasn’t an old and poorly repaired Volvo. Error heaped upon error.

Our best score so far is 0 – what can you get?

Try your luck here!

Someone went to a lot of effort to take these photos, even though the effort was ultimately misplaced and wasted thanks to a tragic case of mis-remembering.

“I saw your update about the “GamesMaster” store in Elephant and Castle, and rushed out to photograph another store I thought there was in Wandsworth. Imagine my disappointment when I got there to find it was called “Gamesland” and it had already closed down. If you look you can see Iceland reflected in the window of a shop that specialises in “PS” and “Gameboy” and has the old logo for the N64.”

“On the plus side, the photos I took are educational/entertaining. First up they have shoes/boots cheaper than Peckham…”

“And its a vibrant place. I’d lke to remain anonymous too please, in case any Wandsworth hard people get upset. Cheers – K****.”

Found by our curious reader/mascot “Andy The Squirrel” – it’s a two-piece heart-shaped pendant that will keep the two lovers close, even when they are far away (ie, even when Tails has got stuck on some scenery, scrolled off the screen and died).

Located on that funny Japanese Sonic Team blog thing that often houses amazing SEGA material.

But we’re using these photos, as the heart of the taker was in the right place – his underpants.

They were taken at a presentation of SEGA Superstars Tennis in Milan, where a woman was made to dress like Ulala. We hope giving out this information won’t compromise the identity/employment of our source.

We have lots of SEGA Superstars Tennis coverage planned. There will be the customary annual interview with Sumo Digital, at least 100 screenshots of the game, plus we may make a compilation video of the loading screens to put on YouTube – and could even go as far as changing the “masthead.”

In the mean time, here’s a mysterious blue patch up an Ulala-impersonator’s dress, as captured by the poorest digital camera currently in use in the world today.

UPDATE:
Reader “Chris” managed to enhance the blue area in question using advanced image manipulation techniques similar to those used by the FBI and Heat magazine:

Amy will NOT be happy.

“PROJECT GAMERZ” (their capital letters and ‘Z’, we are not that urban) is designed to stop everyone in South London knifing each other in “turf wars” over who gets to stand outside the best off licenses, by getting children to play FIFA in a youth club.

Or that may be Pro Evo. It’s kind of hard to tell when you hate and avoid all modern games.

After three days all the controllers will have gone missing. Then the game discs. Then the consoles. Then the arson attacks will begin when someone’s arrested for attempting to nick a TV. There’s only one answer to today’s youth problems – labour camps or a war.

PROJECT GAMERZ

Southwark in South London is the location of a test phase for a scheme organised by The Metropolitan Police’s Riverside Safer Neighbourhoods team. PROJECT GAMERZ invites anyone aged between 11 and 18, who live, or attend school, in the Riverside Ward of Rotherhithe, to get involved with their local community through Video Games and eSports. Video Gaming is the fastest growing form of media entertainment in the world, and eSports – electronic sports – is computer and videogames played as a competitive sport.

Riverside Safer Neighbourhoods team feel the scheme is a perfect forum to launch a fresh and innovative social network between young people, neighbourhoods and community centres. Sergeant Rob Evans of the Riverside team said: “The aim of the project is to enable young people to re-connect with their local community in a way that reflects their interests. By creating this social network we hope to encourage responsible participation across the age group, where we can also engage with local youngsters on policing and community issues that can affect them”.

The Metropolitan Police have enlisted the help of XLEAGUE.TV, the only broadcast outlet for eSports in the UK, who offer the opportunity to participate or view major sporting events in the virtual world – online and on TV [PULSE, Sky Channel 208]. XLEAGUE.TV have brought together major brands such as Microsoft, EA Sports, Packard Bell to provide games, consoles, equipment and TNWA Group for the technical delivery and event management for the first phase of the scheme.

[The press release then degenerates into an advert for XLEAGUE, so we’ll save you that]

As well as all those rubbish photos of SEGA memorabilia, we have also assembled the following news items for other parts of the internet. Including:

This thing which is, on the surface, about boring cross-promotional media deals. But is actually just an excuse to link to an amazing YouTube clip of an Airbus A310 nearly crashing at an air show.

This thing in which we casually, and some might say effortlessly, slip the old agenda onto a Nintendo blog. Just for fun.

This thing about people that needs to done gone gets themselves a-killed. Or at least segregated off from everyone else and chemically castrated.

This thing about a collapse in the meat-based dog industry.

This thing about something to do with the Eee PC that happened somewhere foreign, because you can’t not use pictures like this when they come along:

Not exactly inspirational, but at least not so bad we’ll try to delete it all without anyone noticing in a few weeks. 5/5.

A PlayStation3. With a DEMO. And the SIXAXIS controller that’s about to be made obsolete. And still no HDMI cable so you CAN’T ACTUALLY WATCH Blu-ray films at HD resolution, rendering the entire HD argument obsolete.

But people keep buying it, so Sony keeps shovelling it. Anyone who buys this is heaping shame upon the nation.

In the greasy hands of a small number of idiots for the usual Sony price of £TOOFUCKINGMUCH at the end of March.