Another important piece of SEGA nostalgia merchandise has been discovered!

Sonic and Knuckles have been scribbled out. There’s a reason for this. The person who owns the book will explain himself in the next caption.

“If you look at the intro page, you can see where the young me crossed out all the Sonic pictures because I HATED Sonic for being RUBBISH. I am sorry.”

It’s not really a cheats book. It’s an empty notebook for you to write your own cheats down on. It must’ve been a lot easier to produce than today’s 200-page walkthroughs of Splinter Cell.

Mario cheats shouldn’t really be written down in a SEGA book.

If you’ve got some old rubbish on your attic that says SEGA on it, please send it in. We’re rapidly becoming the Wikipedia of SEGA.

Here’s some of the stuff we’ve been sent. You might think this is the ‘easy option’ but in fact it’s amazingly tiresome cutting and pasting the best bits out of emails. It’s too much like our day job.

If any of the below stuff is from you, you are one of these:

THING ONE: SOME PHOTOS OF THE NEW ZEALAND XBOX 360 ‘LAUNCH BUS’

“New Zealand’s Xbox 360 pre-launch idea. Instead of a big party we got a custom bus filled with the units they put in the shops. Twenty of them, with released games like PGR3, CoD2, DOA4, Kameo, Tiger Wood and a demo of the final build of Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter.”

“They also had giveaways (trucker hats, armbands, lanyards) and some chick dressed up as Joanna Dark (no photos of her).”

THING TWO: A LINK TO THE ‘RUB RABBITS’ FLASH GAME

http://www.the-rub-rabbits.com/minigame/en/index2.html

THING THREE: A HUGE PSP AD BANNER ON A BUILDING IN MANCHESTER

“I took it in Manchester. Feel free to do what you like with it.”

THING FOUR: A REINTERPRETATION OF THE ‘EMILY BOOTH’ MAGAZINE COVER

“Hidden message in the Emily Booth cover.”

THING FIVE: MAN IN JAPAN SPOTS SEGA iDOG AND iFISH

“I spotted the now infamous Sega product Homestar in a shop in Japan today. Lo and behold, what was next to it? The Sega Toys duo of iDog and iFish. I’ve got no idea what they do but it’s nice to see Sega catering for the iPod generation, right? Plus they were in a sale too! That makes me sad.”

THING SIX: THOSE OLD PHOTOS OF GIRLS AND GAMES CONSOLES

“Just wondered what you thought about these piccies…”

http://www.siliconera.com/2006/03/04/the-girls-of-gaming

THING SEVEN: EMILY BOOTH ON TV!

“Well i don’t know if this is good or bad news but Miss Booth can still get some kind of televised work. She can now be found on some crappy Sky quiz channel called iplay, on channel 166 i think. Oh my surprise when her face popped up at 3 in the afternoon when i was flicking through the channels. Well its like the world has turned full circle with her back on unknown television but at least on LiveTV she nearly got her kit off!”

“No wonder she has been selling her fanny encrusted wares on Ebay, times are truly hard.”

“I have enclosed some poor pics that i took with my Sony Ericsson, also it would appear that times are hard for Nipper the dog also, as he appears to have taken up a part time job outside of HMV with her.”

“Hope you enjoy, sorry if it’s nothing to wank over.”

THING EIGHT: POPSTATION SPOTTED

“Exclusive PSP Redesign spotted!”

“This was probably not worth the soul rending effort it took to actually get the photo off of my fucking phone.”

THING NINE: LARA CROFT, DESIGN LEGEND

“I received this email from the Tomb Raider mailing list. So far as I can tell, the first Tomb Raider game is a candidate for BBC Culture Show’s Design Quest whatever. Not being Brit I have no idea what that is, but it may be worthy of your interest.”

“Somewhat amusing:”

“‘Equally important to its success was the skill with which the designers and animators at Core Design depicted its central character, Lara Croft, as a post-feminist heroine’.”

“…Says the BBC site, refering to the original misshapen Lara of course.”

“Also since when are videogames considered cultural?”

http://www.bbc.co.uk/arts/cultureshow/designquest/vote/

THING TEN: TWO SEPARATE EMAILS ABOUT GIZMONDO

On the way back from E3 last year I ended up sitting next to a Gizmondo PR. I pretended to be asleep or absorbed in my plethora of handheld consoles in order to avoid having to speak to them, but I did listen in when he was speaking to some European web journo sitting on his other side. During that conversation I found out that the PR’s favourite game ever was the vertical shooter that was exclusive to Gizmondo because “all these new games are rubbish. I like them old school. Alpha Blaster (I just made up the name, I can’t be bothered to remember it or look it up) is brilliant because it’s old school.” I also found out that his favourite game from the show was Okami. He said it was “the first game on the PS2 that I’ve seen that actually looks any good. I haven’t liked anything else on PS2 till now.”

Yours,
An anonymous industry person.

EMAIL 2:

Just a quick word to say I used to work at the Cheadle’s office of Gizmondo and the story put forward so far is completely true.

The problem was never the people in the development studios (well apart from maybe the Swedish studios who didn’t actually release or finish anything) all the ex-Warthog staff, and to be fair the studio managers as well were constantly fed reports that ‘everything was fine’ and that ‘this is just a small mishap’. Of course if a company doesn’t even talk to their employers, let alone about the state of business, then employees themselves have no way of knowing how desperately bad things are. After all the company had just signed a 14 year lease on the studio building and had invited designers around who were planning to remould the studio into the theme of a giant Gizmondo with curvy desks and floors. oohh..fancy!

I think one of the more laughable situations for me personally however was when a time came around where the company basically admitted that the people in head office had no idea what they were supposed to do ( I suppose when you fill the company with models, cars, race horses and what not it may get a tad confusing). As a result everyone in the company had to fill out a form detailing exactly what they’re role was within the company and whom they were answerable too (I guess the horse was at a slight disadvantage). At this point we were assured that any staff cuts would be purely in the administrate roles at Head Office. Maybe the clever people in charge got confused, maybe they thought the Head Office was in fact in Cheadle, however the very next week the whole studio was given a months notice.

When the rumours of redundancies first surfaced the person in charge of Human Resources (I.e the person who is supposed to represent and look after the employees throughout the company…but maybe she forgot that as well) thought ‘sod it’ and went off on her holiday knowing full well the situation everyone was in. Not once did anyone from head office show any concern for the employees in the development studios, nor during the ‘consultancy period’ did they think to further ‘consult’ staff about what was going on (they were all too busy covering their secretary’s in silly-string for Christmas cards).

All in all a interesting experience! Although I can understand how the company might have been able to convince investors at the time (being able to show them a product and a couple of games and saying ‘look! we -are- making something really!’) I dread to think that somehow the people responsible will move on to other projects in the future and secure even more investor money to continue their manipulative lifestyle (and maybe buy the remaining 398 Ferrari Enzos!),

Also you might be interested to know, not happy with playing the world once, rumour has it that Carl Freer is in the process of starting a new company! http://www.xeromobile.com/. (http://www.gizmondoforums.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=5469&st=0) Not sure what they are about yet however they seem to be very keen to gather investors at present. Another Gizmondo like scam I hear you say? Most likely, I suppose $3.45m salary isn’t enough and the guy does still have to keep with insurance payments on his $115,662 car.

I’d prefer to stay anonymous for now thanks.

THING ELEVEN: “VITAL INFORMATION CONCERNING MICHAEL JACKSON AND THE DESTRUCTION OF PLANET EARTH”

“Check this out. It’s the fucking shit.”

http://www.hcn.zaq.ne.jp/cabic508/rsf/

“Your servants, Phil and Muffin”

FINAL THING: A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG WINAMP SKIN

“You’ll probably like this:”

http://www.winamp.com/skins/details.php?id=147154

“Yay!”

Yay for you. Nice work, scouts. See you in [time period until we can be bothered to do it all this tiresome cuttin’ an’ pastin’ an’ image resizin’ again].

ONE FINAL CONCERN
We’re worried we’ve spunked too much good stuff in one update, which will lead to the internet’s “interesting reserves” being fully depleted by summer. So we might never do this again.

Some days we feel like Sega is doing things specifically for our entertainment. Like today:

“Let’s get out the Sonic costume and do some photos for UKR!”

“They’re bound to do an update about this! I look so stupid! Ha ha ha! Look at me! I’m Sonic The Hedgehog!”

“Let me wear it for the next one!”

“Bend your knees more, Steve!”

Thanks, Sega. Next week, could you dress up like Cream The Rabbit and wee on us in the bath?

And to think it used to be such a bustling hive of activity when it opened less than a year ago.

At least the management paid themselves several million dollars, so everything turned out OK! Thanks to OFFICIAL UKR SEGA SCOUT Tomleecee for the photo. It’s a good pic and it’s nice that the binman is in front of it. Adds depth and colour, that.

Hey there, Sega Scouts! You’ve all been busy! We’ve had loads of email, and for once it isn’t all about buying Viagra from India, or getting a billion pounds from Nigeria, or removing that libellous update we did about that shit thing your company makes.

We’ve had emails about Sega! And games! And other things people think are the sort of things we might like to do updates about.

Anyone who’s emailed us something is now officially a UKR SEGA NEWS SCOUT. You may download this badge and display it on your blogjournalspace with pride:

Making text go in a circle in Photoshop is an exciting new thing we’ve just learned how to do. Here are the things we’ve been sent by the UKR SEGA NEWS SCOUTS recently:

THING ONE: FAKE PSP PROMOTIONAL VIDEO

“Hi UKR”

“This was up for a while ago but only via torrent — now it’s available via the magic of Google Video, wheeee! enjoy!”

FAKE PSP PROMOTIONAL VIDEO

THING TWO: A PIECE OF ‘NEW GAMES JOURNALISM’ POSTED ON IGN, OF ALL PLACES, WHICH WE WERE PRESUMABLY SUPPOSED TO RIP THE PISS OUT OF

“I thought it would be ripped to shreds already!”

‘NEW GAMES JOURNALISM’ POSTED ON IGN

THING THREE: ‘SEGA MUSIC’ WIKIPEDIA ENTRY

“Hi guys.”

“You may have already seen this and posted about it, but just in case you haven’t…”

‘SEGA MUSIC’ WIKIPEDIA ENTRY

“The music’s traditional form was largely improvised and was intensely emotional. It was also used as a funereal dirge and as part of traditional exorcisms.”

“Who knew SEGA had such magical powers?”

“Look at the woman dancing the SEGA too!”

“If you’ve already seen this and are already bored to tears of random peple sending this to you, then feel free to bin this immediatly…”

THING FOUR: ANCIENT SAKURA TAISEN ADVERT FROM JAPAN

ANCIENT SAKURA TAISEN ADVERT FROM JAPAN

“Had to pass this on”

THING FIVE: SEGA TOYS ‘MAKE-UP GAME FOR GIRLS’ COMING TO AMERICA

“Radica, the company that makes these stand-alone joystick only titles has signed a deal with Sega.”

HONG KONG–(BUSINESS WIRE)–Feb. 9, 2006–Radica Games Limited (NASDAQ:RADA) has announced a partnership with Sega Toys (a subsidiary of Sega(R) Corporation) to develop, manufacture and distribute Digi Makeover, one of the most anticipated toys to debut at the American International Toy Fair in New York City, February 12-15. Designed for today’s young teen girls, Digi Makeover includes a makeup case-styled touch pad with digital camera that plugs directly into the TV and lets girls take their picture and get creative with their very own makeover, including makeup, hairstyles and accessories.

Digi Makeover is expected to hit retail shelves in the fall of 2006 and will retail for approximately $59.99.

According to Jim Silver, editor of Toy Wishes Magazine, Radica’s Digi Makeover was one of the most talked-about products when industry experts saw it last October. “If the execution is done well and there aren’t any major problems with it, I can see it being a big hit this fall,” he says.

“Sega Toys continues to be a dominant force in interactive entertainment,” says Pat Feely, CEO, Radica. “We’re thrilled to be partnering with them and bring their innovative technology to this
product.”

Isao Kokubun, president and CEO, Sega Toys notes, “As a leader in girls’ lifestyle products, Radica is an important partner to bring the concept of digital makeovers to the retail marketplace.”

The foregoing discussion contains forward-looking statements that involve risks and uncertainties that could cause actual results to differ materially from projected results. Forward-looking statements include statements about efforts to attract or prospects for additional or increased business, new product introductions and other statements of a non-historical nature. Actual results may differ from projected results due to various Risk Factors, including Risks of Manufacturing in China, Dependence on Product Appeal and New Product Introductions, and Dependence on Major Customers, as set forth in the Company’s Annual Report on Form 20-F for the fiscal year ended December 31, 2004, as filed with the Securities and Exchange Commission. See “Item 3. Key Information — Risk Factors” in such report on Form 20-F.

THING SIX: ANOTHER ASTOUNDING COMPLAINT ABOUT THE RETRO GAMING FEATURE, ONLY IT READS SO POORLY WE SUSPECT IT MIGHT BE A FAKE (AND IF IT ISN’T A FAKE WE GENUINELY FEEL A BIT SORRY FOR THE AUTHOR)

“Your Retro Special is a defilement to 1000’s of gamers world wide. To act like the old should of never existed only means that you have no respect to what brought games to what they are. BACK THEN and AT THE TIME, those games were top of the line in not only entertainment, but even technology. International Karate, along with Street FIghter 2, Mortal Konbat, and many more has given the fighting games of today a platform of exsistence. WIthout them, you may never even see your damned VF4 (another thing: VF4 is made up from the improvement of 3 other game before it. You wouldn’t have VF4 without even those 3 games).”

“Games like FFVII, Sonic 2, and Driver were the cream of the corn. They were the at the top, and the pinical, or the gaming stages before all else came along. Without FFVII, or even Final Fantasy 1! There may not even be a strong base for any existence of good RPG.”

“As for other poiints, sex in games was never a strong point outside of the virgin 18 year old players. Noone really cared for 1000 polygon girls as much as they did with the 200 pixel failure of Sam Fox Strip Poker. Cause they are all into real things, honestly.”

“oh, and the lack of back light during the Gameboy days. This factor was to cut to damn cost. Really good for those short on cash, cause those things like the GameGear failed based on eye hazzard, and for cost. the Back Light screens of the GBA sp and DS are a invention of price reduction in the economy. If you gaming in your hands for the go that wasn’t over 500 buck to have back in 1995, you’d never be bitching about the Gameboy not having a light. You’d have a flash light shoved in your mouth while under the bed sheets playing Pokemon for the 150th catch.”

“For fuck sacks, you’re got it made in the fucking sun with gamign to day. Respect the past, cause it’s hardships gave you this golden shove that is surgecly embedded in your ass!”

—
This is not an MTV commersial…

– James

THING SEVEN: SOMETHING ABOUT ENTIRELY FABRICATED GIRL GAMING CLAN THE FRAG DOLLS (U.S.)

“I don’t know if we’re supposed to send in news about the Entirely Fabricated Girl Gaming Clan The Frag Dolls to you anymore in case you’re tired of the Entirely Fabricated Girl Gaming Clan The Frag Dolls.

“Just in case though, here’s a link where the writer appears to be unsure what’s sexier, Entirely Fabricated Girl Gaming Clan The Frag Dolls member “Rhoulette” or shooting Nazis in planes.”

SOMETHING ABOUT ENTIRELY FABRICATED GIRL GAMING CLAN THE FRAG DOLLS (U.S.)

“There, that’s got to be a contender for most extraneous mention of Entirely Fabricated Girl Gaming Clan The Frag Dolls yet!”

THING EIGHT: A LINK TO SOME BBC RESEARCH ON ‘GAMING’

“…whereby anyone who has accidently played a mobile game instead of pressing the shortcut for sending a text, or lent on the red button of their remote and played an interactive TV game in the last 6 months qualifies as a ‘gamer’.”

“Other highlights:”

“Playing a game of any sort once a week or more makes you a heavy user.”

“Sega Dreamcast is more popular than Sony PSP across the 6-35 year old age range.”

“66% of 6-10 year olds have played interactive TV games in the last 6 months. This is more than Xbox, Gamecube, Dreamcast and PSP put together. And more than mobile games.”

BBC RESEARCH ON ‘GAMING’

“I’m sure you could squeeze an update out of this report. And feel free to crib any of what I’ve written.”

THING NINE: SOMEONE’S COLLECTION OF BOOTH BABE PHOTOS:

“Now that the subject of the E3 booth babes is all over the Internet, here is a link to my annual boot babe pictorial to add to your list – the best to be found anywhere – every year – eight years running!”

BOOTH BABE PHOTOS

THING TEN: A LINK TO A WEB SITE THAT SELLS ‘INTERCHANGABLE RECTAL UNITS’

‘INTERCHANGABLE RECTAL UNITS’

“There’s got to be a joke in there somewhere, I’m sure.”

What a fitting way to end. Keep them coming, Scouts!

Well we had nothing else to do and there was nothing on TV apart from Lara Croft: Tomb Raider and some gardening…

THE SUMMARY
You couldn’t buy an Xbox 360 in the most popular bits of London on December 28 2005. Which is pretty bad when you think about how important it is, and how the machine supposedly “launched” five weeks ago. It’s the worst hardware launch ever! Looks like lots of people will be waiting for PlayStation3 or Nintendo Revolution, not out of choice but out of necessity, thanks to Microsoft’s over-ambition.