Hot on the heels of the EA Spouse story comes this 100% genuine report from a disgruntled Sega Europe employee.

Speaking to UKR, the Sega worker complained that “one of the lifts is broken, and we’re on the fifth floor” — a damning indictment of Sega Europe’s facilities management systems and a massive indignity for the hard-working staff. Legal challenges must surely be imminent.

Sega’s UK headquarters — currently undergoing severe lift problems. Stay here for more internal Sega news as it breaks.

What’s Rich doing at the moment?

03:55am — Richard is sleeping.

If anything could convert us to foot fetishism it’s Lovely Kasumi and her fuck me shoes.

Tomorrow: Probably nothing!

This sort of thing used to turn us on, before we became too full of self-pity to get erections any more.

Tomorrow: Kasumi’s sexy feet!

***blah blah blah blah write some filler copy about how we played the Dreamcast version of DoA at the weekend and it was almost as good only FOUR YEARS OLDER and the DC was ROBBED and should still be on sale and by now we’d have been promoted to editor of Computec Media’s Dreamcast World magazine and on at least £34,000 with an additional £500 to spend on the company credit card each month if things had turned out like they were SUPPOSED TO blah blah blah***

Tomorrow: A screenshot of Kasumi’s Xbox knickers!

***blah blah blah blah write some filler copy to go in here, no one will bother reading it ***blah blah blah blah write some filler copy to go in here, no one will bother reading it***blah blah blah blah write some filler copy to go in here, no one will bother reading it***blah blah blah blah write some filler copy to go in here, no one will bother reading it***

Tomorrow: A screenshot of Kasumi’s amazing breasts!

Can you believe there’s an add-on pack called London and the South East Trains? We always knew PC gamers were old and weird and into fringe activities (trains, planes, the grooming and subsequent murder of nine-year-olds), but simulating south-east London’s 1970s rail infrastructure surely marks the nadir of pursuits for men who have opted out and given up hope of ever being perceived as normal by society.

“Your journey can start from Charing Cross, Cannon Street, Blackfriars / Holborn Viaduct (it was a terminus in 1970!) or London Bridge. You’ll travel down the South Central line to Norwood Junction, Selhurst and onto East Croydon seeing East Croydon station as it was before it was rebuilt in the 1970s”

If you look closely you can just see our demoralised face reflecting in the window, having just missed the 09:00 to London Bridge and heard the announcement that the 09:07 is delayed by 15 minutes. We are texting work fully aware that this sounds like a lie to cover a hangover sleep-in, while contemplating what difference it would really make to the world if we threw ourselves on the rails (then lay there for 21 minutes) and gave up*.

*Intended as a joke, not a cry for help. Please don’t email in saying how you too consider throwing yourself on the train tracks every day. We already know you do. That’s why you’re here.

It’s fun being obsessed about games again, so much better than automatically hating everything and pretending we’re hard. We don’t want to lose this feeling! So now OutRun2’s out, what upcoming game shall we unreasonably hype up and refuse to accept any negative criticism of?

We’ve compiled a shortlist of seven potential obsessions — the one with the most votes gets a ludicrous and obsessive amount of coverage in the run-up to its release.

Vote now!

Obsession Vote!

What game shall we get obsessed about next? Shining Tears Spikeout Battlestreet Starship Troopers (Jacques soundtrack) Sega Rally 2005 Super Monkey Ball DX Project Rub (aka Feel the Magic: XY-XX) Dead or Alive: Ultimate Or suggest your own!

View current results

(PR people: If you’d like us to fix the results of this vote and coordinate your next online viral marketing capaign for a suprisingly modest fee, get in touch).

It’s a new Employee of the Week, uploaded almost precisely one week after the last one in keeping with the supposed weekly remit. We’re at a loss as to the reason for this new-found enthusiasm.

No, not because of “the redesign”, but thanks to an amazing six-page interview with Dominik Diamond and When Games Attack producer Johnny Ffinch. It features the three things we love most; (1) Swearing, (2) Dave ‘Games Animal’ Perry and (3) unfounded and potentially libellous comments.

Here are a few Dom nuggets from Edge 143:

“The problem is that Iain Lee has an utter absence of charm”

“I have more respect for suicide bombers than I do for the people who are involved with Gamezville… it’s all fucking ‘Yo mate…’ I mean these guys can’t even speak fucking English”

“I’m appalled by the lack of writing and intelligence in games magazines in general”

“I think he’s sucking old mens cocks for pennies”

“Don’t ever ask kids what they think about games. We did that on the first series of GamesMaster. They know nothing”

Buy Edge magazine! It’s great! We secretly loved it all along!