Does it all seem a bit too bright? Or are you using a two-year-old Hyundai VUON LCD TV with only rubbish component inputs that make everything seem too dark? Whatever the situation, SEGA Superstars Tennis has a custom brightness setting for you!

It is always MAXIMUM BRIGHTNESS in SEGA world.

Controller Type D is to Controller Type C as Controller Type B was to Controller Type A. It switches Type C’s buttons around. This would mean using B as your primary play button – which would feel rather odd to say the least!

That concludes our exclusive SEGA Superstars Tennis controller configuration series. Starting later today, we’ll be taking a look at the audio and video settings…

We did think about going to the Play.com LIVE show but then decided we couldn’t be bothered. It’s hard enough going to the corner shop for some sweets nowadays let alone going on public transport and stuff. Thankfully our lack of motivation was justified after reading some opinions of the event today. Here are a few choice examples:

“An afternoon on Gametrailers would have been a far better way to spend the time.”

“We had press passes and we couldn’t get an answer out of anybody as to whether there was a press room or not”

“I really do think I’ve been ripped off”

“Lucas Arts didn’t bother turning up – they just sent a poster!”

“We were in there for an hour and a half before we wanted to kill ourselves. £1.90 for a freaking bottle of water!”

“Shit, did you see they had Halo 3!!! I almost died.”

“Gemma Atkinson could get her tits out next year and I still wouldn’t go”

Sorry if you just got here after searching for “Gemma Atkinson Tits”. We’ll just have to send you on your way.

And now everything’s thrown onto its head! Configuration C brings the B button into play, making poor old X redundant. If your X button is showing signs of wear and tear, this could save it! Configuration C is a bit more like Virtua Tennis 3’s control system, so really ought to have been the default in our minds.

SEGA’s embargo regarding Controller Type D expires at 9.30am tomorrow morning – so come back then to see what it looks like…

Controller Type B cleverly swaps the function of A and X, allowing you greater choice of button use. Not sure why pressing two buttons at the same time is supposed to be easier than just pressing Y to lob like in Virtua Tennis 3, though. We’ll blame the focus group for that one.

LATER TODAY: Controller Type C!

Stubborn, self-important forum signatures:

“I’m not changing this sig until Metal Gear Solid 4, Tekken 6 and Final Fantasy XIII are announced for the Xbox 360.”

It’s as if the author was hoping that Hideo Kojima himself would stumble across this thread on GameFAQs, realize that one lonely, anonymous nerd on the internet–amongst all the other lonely, anonymous nerds on the internet–wants MGS4 on his Xbox, and then immediately put in a call to the development studio to start work on a port. We’re not saying that MGS4 won’t ever come out on the Xbox 360 (we can assure you, it will) but if Konami is smart they’ll knock out the conversion by the end of the year.

And as for Tekken 6 and FF13… who cares?

Certainly you all remember Nintendogs. Right? We went all crazy about it back when everyone else was going crazy about it, but in the end it was found to be not as compelling as we had hoped, and unable to tear us away from our routine of napping at inappropriate times and being much too greedy when it comes to torrenting files over the internet (example: the entire NTSC/U Sega Saturn library– too bad our Saturn is lying in pieces on the floor from a failed modchipping attempt).

But through good old fashioned “journalism” we have found that one of the key components of Nintendogs, the incredibly boring part where you have to walk your dog around the city lest it go CRAZY on you (or something like that, we really don’t remember), appears to have been SHAMELESSLY RIPPED OFF from a Sega arcade machine from 2001.

Don’t worry, you’ve never played it. If you have, please email us and tell us if it was fun or not and if you had to clean up virtual dog shit in a noisy arcade full of people playing REAL GAMES. And then be prepared for our offer to be a Yahoo Auctions Japan proxy for us, though we will require no charge for your services.

A man saw something terribly depressing and run-down and thought of UKR. Funny that.

“I was in Derby recently for reasons that escape me right now, I came across this old shop unfortunately closed – maybe it had something to do with the foam mattress place next door – and thought of UK Resistance.”

“I took a few pictures with my phone, I know how you like your really high quality pictures, but I left my super high spec camera at home so I had to make do. Just another example of how people who have supported Sonic have fallen on hard times or maybe it has something to do with the monkey – Vger.”

SEGA Superstars Tennis has a staggering FOUR separate controller configurations, so there’s bound to be one that suits your needs and play style! Here’s a look at the default, which the game refers to as “Controller Type A.”

MONDAY: Controller Type B.

Not a particularly good week, but it was saved by the intervention of a man called “Marcel” who bravely took way too many photographs than strictly necessary of women in a jacuzzi. If it wasn’t for Marcel’s intervention, we could’ve been looking at an overall score as low as 3/10.

This thing about cross-promoting brands and intellectual properties vis-a-vis capturing the critical youth demographic.

This thing about maybe having to play games with poor people.

This thing about developments in x-ray technology.

This thing about making it easier for people to carry their MacBook Airs safely from A (art school) to B (dad’s chalet in Switzerland).

This thing about CeBIT 2008, because you can’t not use pictures like this when they come along:

The Photo Of Women In A Jacuzzi law has come into play, meaning this week’s batch gets a compulsory 10/10.