“Hey UK Resistance. I found this in Morioka, northern Japan. A quite fancy looking SEGA club called ‘Club SEGA’ with a smug Sonic towering above the entrance. Never went inside, but as there wouldn’t have been anything excelling the larger than life Sonic, I just avoided disappointment – Carsten.”

This isn’t today’s proper update, so don’t go getting all angry about being palmed off with a list of links. Something rubbish about Sonic or SEGA will be along in a couple of hours.

“This is a photo of SegaBucks, the hilariously named coffee shop in Sega’s London office. SegaBucks sells Fanta, Panda pop and returned copies of many of Sega’s “hit” DS games. Or maybe they’re books. And a Megadrive controller by the look of it. If only Sega could include as much innovation, high production values and witty humour in their video games these days as they do their fake coffee shop signs. The man in the photo is Italian and likes [LIBELLOUS COMMENT REMOVED] so there are multiple levels of irony in this picture.”

The one in the red top is Bungie’s receptionist. The one further down the line is their human resources woman. They were drafted in to glam things up a bit. It’s the only logical explanation.

ATTENDEE 1: “I went down to London today to go to the Games Careers Festival in Whitechapel (what a shit-hole, btw) in a vain attempt to get a job within the games industry. I failed, but the blow was softened by the SEGA stand and their goody bag. After dodging the freaky guy presenting at the stand I managed to take a few bags while they weren’t looking and inside was some cool shit. Well a crappy booklet, a SEGA logo sticker and two sweets!”

“The highlight is the sweets. Very cool. I wanna try one but I’d rather hold onto them and send them to you guys in a few years. Hell, maybe they’ll become a collectors item. Oh, and sorry about the quality of the photos. I know you love the high-res stuff, but these were taken using my EyeToy. At least it gives you another reason to hate on Sony for its crappy EyeToy picture quality. Anyway, Cheers for reading – URBANmonkey (Richard Harrison). Put both as the source so my mates will know its me and how famous I’ll be if I make it onto UK:R!”

ATTENDEE 2: “Recently went the Game Career Fair. SEGA kinda have a crap showing in the UK but fancy freebies, so I took some photos. I have the super-hi-res versions if that’s what you’re into. Incidentally, the guy I spoke to at Team 17 definitely had to be drunk… I could smell it – Pyrii.”

It is UTTERLY BEWILDERING that SEGA has a brand of sweets, yet not one of these sweets – let alone the HUGE BAG we deserve – have made their way to UKR headquarters.

FROM THE OWNER: “I found this Generation 2 Sega Genesis at a Goodwill here in south Florida for 3.99, I bought it, but, alas, it did not work. Recently I decided to crack it open and see if I could find what ails it. Unfortunately, I have discovered that SEGA has been betraying us for all these years!”

There it is. That’s the little SHIT. Rip it out! It probably only does something really useless, like make the machine break after 12 years.

“Here is why I blame the chip for my system’s death. The area around the chip was the only part covered in this orange slime, seen there after I wiped it up. Here is a dramatic shot of the Sony death slime in front of a once proud system – Matt.”

This is Athlete. They are someone at BAFTA’s favourite band, despite churning out really dull electro dirge.

That’s Charlie Simpson from Busted, although his press people would prefer it if he was called Charlie Simpson from Fightstar.

Not only do we know lots about youth culture and pop music as illustrated by the above two captions, we can also recognise Dom Jolly from off the telly.

Obviously we have selectively edited the material. BAFTA sent out 9 photos of game developers and publishers, compared to 11 photos of celebrity guests. Three of the developer shots were of Will Wright, though, so technically there were only 7 game pics.

That’s Gareth Gates, who hasn’t got much to do these days other than sit at home playing Miles’ Football Manager.

Men from Hollyoaks. The one on the left got to kiss a quite pretty girl for a while, but then she tried to murder him. The one on the right is the gormless one who’s unlucky in love and only gets rubbish comedy storylines about ill-fated business ventures.

Peter Serafinowicz, who is quite popular at the moment with people who have the ability to laugh at other peoples jokes.

Uh-oh. Dom Jolly has resorted to a “comedic point.” His career is over.

This is Remi Nicole. We will be honest and say we have no idea who she is, plus she’s not pretty enough to bother Googling to find out.

Vic Reeves. Not currently developing anything for Xbox Live Arcade as far as we are aware.

Vicki Butler Henderson. We have supplied this image in clickable high-resolution, just in case you want to analyse her in close-up detail. We are hopeful this will result in significant Google traffic.

And this is why BAFTA mostly sent out celebrity photos.

If anyone has any suggestions about wanking themes to include in future serious posts on “the network” you know how to get in touch.

Even when crying and trying to sleep the day over there is someone taking photos of her from behind. Fortunately, we don’t feel pity or remorse. Just a curiosity about if she’s wearing tights or just has weird feet.