The Doomsday Book of video games!

FROM THE OWNER: “Hi there, I was just rummaging through my wardrobe and I found this mint condition 1991/1992 official Sonic yearbook. In the middle of the book there is a ‘fun’ game to guess the random has stars of the time. In one we have Manchester United star Brian McClair and two is Brian’s team-mate Paul Parker. In six is TV star Julian Clary. And finally, 11 is Michael Jackson with Sega’s UK champion, who I think looks a bit like Brian McClair.”

Well, we’d stand a better chance if you’d done a better job of taking the photo.

The internet would’ve had a field day with this, had the internet existed in a mainstream format in 1991/1992.

This second batch of photos came from the angry people at Stupid Fucking Customers.

Andy Crane would appear to think the Game Gear is a telephone. If only! Perhaps then it would’ve stood a chance. It also might’ve needed an extra eight batteries.

Again, the photos are not really of a high enough quality to reflect the majesty of the annual. We are currently scouring eBay for a decent one to photograph at the highest possible resolution under the lighting conditions it deserves.

You can just about read it. Best not to though.

Wow. In 1991/1992, we would’ve gone MENTAL WITH EXCITEMENT at the thought of winning a SEGA Mega CD.

Andi Peters is so rubbish he needs to be told which one he’s controlling! No, Andi, you are not the rocks or the sea, you are the dolphin.

This is where it all went wrong for SEGA. You can’t remove the headphone socket. Listening to the Starlight Zone theme in stereo while playing in the dark is the Mega Drive’s greatest defining moment.

If you have a copy of the 1991/1992 Sonic The Hedgehog Yearbook AND a decent camera AND a sense of perspective AND the ability to hold a camera still, please send in more pics. Maybe one day we can recreate the entire book page by page for future generations.

Taken from here, a site where even advertising people don’t seem to understand what this rubbish is supposed to mean (what it means is PlayStation3 is bombing, bombing with the power of 25,000 SEGA Saturns).

Also on the site is this one for Sony Bravias which nicely references Sony’s home equipment and its fondness for breaking and catching fire. We suspect this burning Bravia’s warranty ran out just last week, too.

Only you would know this. Only you get close enough to her to know this.

She also has a mole on her left thumb.

This is the full photo of Jade and the Assassin’s Creed team. The team must love the way they’re lumped together in a big mass and made to stand three paces behind Jade. Morale must be sky high. It also looks like Jade was the only one given advance warning to “wear something nice”.

Let’s all be nice. That could be your grandma.

This is taken from here. It was a pretty huge lie, really. But that was nothing!

Incredibly, Sony last week told a lie on July 6 about a thing they announced on July 9. A new personal best for time between lie and contradictory truth! Go Sony! You’re still best at one thing!

This poor model is about to get destroyed and humiliated across the entire internet, even though she’s clearly very lovely. We can only hope she was financially compensated enough to make her imminent web forum nightmare worthwhile.

Dad’s joining in. Good old dad. He seems to be enjoying games much more these days, especially when his daughter brings her friends around to play.

There is no way a man would get that excited about a woman’s exercising game.

Dad’s also started doing lots of press ups recently, ever since he signed up a MySpace account.

Thanks, Nintendo! Sadly, we can’t play Wii Fit due to feeling very vulnerable and exposed when not wearing socks and shoes.

Sonic 1! On Xbox Live Arcade! Now! For an entirely reasonable 400 credits! This is now the reason Xbox Live exists and the reason we have continued to exist for the last two years. There’s not much left to look forward to now, though.

Not just ONE 2D Sonic game, but TWO 2D Sonic games! Here’s a trailer for Sonic Rush Adventure. If you were paying attention about two years ago, you’ll know that Sonic Rush was a sensational return to form for Sonic – if you BOTHERED to play it properly and didn’t just put it down half way through level two. This is more of that!

And not just TWO 2D Sonic games, but more stuff on the new NiGHTS as well! There’s an alternate version of this video on YouTube where someone’s put the Saturn game music over the top, which makes a huge difference.

Still! New NiGHTS! That’s more than it looked like we’d get three years ago, when it seemed SEGA was going to only make pachinko machines for the rest of time.

This is a joke. It’s one of those generic aliens from Killzone 2 falling down a slippery slope, just like Killzone, PS3 and all of Sony’s money in the face of this SEGA onslaught!

This is Sony’s original suggestion of what Killzone would look like on PS3. It was, even at the time, clearly one of the biggest lies ever told in the interactive entertainment industry.

And this is the truth. Killzone 2 is the world’s most generic action game. Even better, go over to Euro PS3 PR blog Threespeech and see amazingly deluded PS3 owners saying this looks anything other than utterly disappointing.

IT WAS FROM THIS MAN: “I’m sure someone else has already done it, but just in case they haven’t; I have. It looks a bit like one of those reticulated animal cards you got in Frosties “back in the day”. It’s not really as rude as you might be hoping for. However, you can just pretend that Emily is talking to you all day. Michael”.

Buying one off some idiot who paid full price and can hardly even give it away is acceptable, though.