Here’s a rubbish update about something being good:

Next Wednesday’s Xbox Live Arcade download is something good for a change – new skins and modes for Lumines Live. They look pretty. Look. We’ve done something about them they’re so pretty:

We nearly did something about Lumines Live when it came out – but sensationally didn’t.

We should’ve, as it’s a very, very good game, just like Lumines. It’s ruined by the Xbox 360’s rubbish d-pad quite a bit and is all jerky online, but is still very good if you play it obsessively to score a high score and don’t mind that it resets the scoreboards every week.

And we played it for 50 hours more than we played Gears of War, so all the cocks who moaned about it being too expensive are incredibly wrong. In total, Lumines Live costs less than half the price of a ‘normal’ game. Yet it is better. That’s not a rip-off in the slightest, it was just badly organised.

Now there are more bits to download, some of which are free, some of which are only 100 points for the time being which is practically free. So there. This sounds like a press release, but we felt an urge to redress the balance and ‘do something’ about Lumines Live, seeing as it’s great.

Odd what you get emailed some days.

It’s also odd what passes as valid content to put on the internet some days.

The bodies of the dead are piled high, broken and twisted. Imagine the stench of rotting fur. We will pray for their families and loved ones. Blessed are the fallen, for they lead the way so that we could live.

These sad scenes are repeated in UFO catcher machines across mainland Europe. We must never forget this senseless waste.

His name is Bing Gordon, and you can meet him in person at the Science Museum on January 24 as part of the Game On exhibition.

You could ask him, say, what’s so creative about doing 20 FIFAs a year, or, say, ask him when he’s going to stop charging people money for new sets of skins for The Sims that must’ve taken someone in the office a couple of hours to knock together.

This, sadly, is what Bing looks like:

If this was still 1996 we’d make some sort of ‘Joey Deacon’ reference. Sadly, those days have passed.

Here’s a nice shot of Bing’s gormless face, in case you want to use it as an avatar on whatever social networking site you spend all day aimlessly reloading to see if any girls have replied to something you said.

By releasing UEFA Champions League 2006-2007. It’s FIFA again, only someone in the office typed in a few new team names so it seems a bit different from the last 50 FIFAs:

And a freelance artist came in for half a day to swap the kit colours around.

This is a memorial update on behalf of the amazing little Neo Geo Pocket Color. It was the best gaming handheld, not just at the time but even now. We sometimes get it out of its drawer just to have a look and a feel.

It had a glorious d-pad, loads of great games, REALLY NICE plastic game boxes featuring poorly translated text and typos, a very alright original Sonic (2D), a lovely and very cute Japlish menu screen system and…

…SNK Vs Capcom Card Fighters Clash.

Now there’s a new version of it for the DS. Card Fighters Clash wasn’t the sort of game we liked, but we still played it. It just had that ‘sort of thing’ about it.

We didn’t really understand how it worked either, but we still played it.

Now there’s this DS version. It will probably be awesome and ‘go large’.

These are some screenshots of it we’ve just been sent thanks to our unbeatable PR contacts and world-renowned news-breaking reputation.

There are three more…

Two more…

One more…

And a logo…

There. It’s actually called SNK VS. CAPCOM CARD FIGHTERS DS, and that’s their use of capital letters not ours.

THE STUFF ABOUT IT FROM THE PEOPLE RELEASING IT:

Ignition Entertainment is Pleased to Announce the European Release of SNK VS. CAPCOM CARD FIGHTERS DS for the Nintendo DS

The excitement of card battles has gone digital and interactive.

12th Jan ’07

For the first time ever on Nintendo DS, two videogame powerhouses join together in a colossal game for the small screen.

Go head to head and battle with your favourite game characters from SNK and Capcom.

Choose your character and prepare to enter the Card Battle Tournament. Beat each opponent using your character’s fighting strategies to win bouts and earn money and in some cases, receive new cards that can be used to upgrade your deck.

Collect over 300 different cards to customise five separate decks, and take on all challengers as you fight your way to the top of ‘Card Tower’.

Trade duplicated cards by using the Recycle machine or stop by the shops to get new cards.

For the ultimate game, challenge a friend or trade cards via the two-player link mode.

‘SNK’s card battling series has been updated for a new generation of gamers’ says Peter Rollinson, product Manager, Ignition Entertainment ‘mixing characters from two of the arcades biggest names only adds to what is a truly fun and exciting game of tactics and skill’

Your Destiny Is In the Cards!

Key Features:

* Use card packs containing your favourite characters from some of SNK’s and Capcom’s biggest franchises.

* Over 300 different cards to use, collect and trade

* Use strategic card arrangements to win

* Know your characters and their special abilities and combine them for added value and strength

* Challenge a friend with the Wireless Head to Head Combat Mode

* Unique game play elements utilising the Touch Screen technology

For further information please visit: www.ignitionent.com/cardfighters

Distributed by Atari in UK, France, Germany, Italy and the Nordic countries, SNK Vs Capcom Card Fighter DS will be available Spring ’07 for the Nintendo DS

We are currently unable to offer any official guidance on what to think and say at this point in time.

Obviously it’s good because it’s Crazy Taxi.

But, you know, we’re maybe just a little bit bored of playing Crazy Taxi now. Is that a wrong thing to admit on the internet?

And it’s on PSP. It’s not exactly going to help PSP’s reputation as the machine that only has remakes of old games.

But it’s more Crazy Taxi! And it looks about as good as the Dreamcast one did!

But how many times can you enjoy doing the same tasks in the same city?

But it’s CRAZY TAXI. We just don’t know any more.

The Fare Frenzy Returns With SEGA’s Crazy Taxi: Fare Wars For The PSP System

All-New Multiplayer Modes and Features for Cabbies on the Go

LONDON & SAN FRANCISCO (January 11, 2007) – SEGA Europe Ltd. and SEGA of America, Inc. today announced Crazy Taxi: Fare Wars coming exclusively to the PSP(r) (PlayStationPortable) system. All-new twists have been included in the classic Crazy Taxi experience including for the first time, multiplayer modes that allow two people to play cooperatively or competitively. Now gamers can relive the addictive, action packed gameplay of the original Dreamcast games, Crazy Taxi and Crazy Taxi 2, on the go. Hang up those fuzzy dice and register for a cabbie license this Summer with Crazy Taxi: Fare Wars developed by Sniper Studios.

Only skilled cabbies need apply for Crazy Taxi: Fare Wars, where drivers need to be more aggressive than ever to earn the big money by speeding fares to their destination, no matter what the obstacles. Brand new multiplayer gameplay features provide endless entertainment, players can steal passengers from other cabbies by bumping their opponent’s car creating chaotic competition on the road! Navigating through traffic, hills, and obstacles isn’t easy, so it takes a skilled cabbie with no fear to earn the big bucks. Players can drive through the two original maps of Crazy Taxi, the arcade map and the original Dreamcast map, both inspired by the steep hills, trademark cable cars, and breezy waterfront of San Francisco. Then they’ll head for the Small Apple maps in Crazy Taxi 2, which is inspired by New York’s large building fronts, hectic downtown streets, and the city’s famous Central Park and subway system.

“We’ve often thought that the sublime playability of our Crazy Taxi franchise was perfectly suited to the PSP format. Now with new gameplay features and including superb multiplayer modes we’re really confident that gamers will agree” commented Matt Woodley, Creative Director SEGA Europe. “The heady mix of competitive gameplay and vibrant graphics makes this a winner, in my humble opinion!”

Crazy Taxi: Fare Wars offers cabbies several single player modes including the mission-based Arcade mode, where skilled drivers earn time bonuses, and Time Trial mode where drivers collect the highest fares possible in the time allowed. In addition, for cabbies to practice their crazy driving skills, two mini-game training modes are available. They include Crazy Box, a collection of 16 original Crazy Taxi mini-games and Crazy Pyramid, mini-games arranged in a pyramid that drivers must complete to unlock more mini-games from Crazy Taxi 2.

Crazy Taxi: Fare Wars introduces new multiplayer modes for two cabbies to collaborate or compete wirelessly via Ad Hoc. Drivers can also record and save gameplay replays of their driving performance in Crazy Taxi 2 on the PSP system’s memory stick to replay and show off.

Get ready for the return of a classic favorite next Summer 2007 with Crazy Taxi: Fare Wars for the PSP system. For screenshots and assets, please visit the SEGA press site at www.sega-press.com.

A man saw this in Japan. Like all good men he took a photo of it for us to put on the internet:

“Dear UKR, there is a Sega arcade in Shibuya that has this bizarro Sega-made foot massage machine called Ashipuri. You insert your money, stick your feet in, select the part of foot you want massaged and then enjoy five minutes of bliss, making it better value for money than the Dreamcast version of Dynamite Cop. Kind of. Also I think it plays some sort of Sonic music but I’m not sure as the arcade was quite loud.”

This is where it says SEGA on it.

And this is how hot the Japanese are for stupid talking mascots.

Today is an exciting day for SEGA Amusements and Alan Smith – Alan has joined SEGA’s UK arcade division as head of the New Business Division! That’s an awesome job title, plus he’ll get business cards with the SEGA logo on. Imagine that.

Sadly there’s a small amount of personal humiliation to go through first, involving that rubbish wonky-eyed Sonic statue SEGA got some local kids to make:

ASSUME THE POSITION. After this, he has to take off his clothes and run around the building four times. This has been part of the SEGA initiation since the 1970s.

Sega’s New Kid on the Block

Sega Amusements Europe Ltd has announced another new appointment and the creation of a new division at the same time. Alan Smith will take the head role of the recently formed New Business Division. He has worked as a consultant for the company for the past year concentrating on the Dinosaurking title which was launched to great success in 2006.

The division will be responsible for growing card game based kids business, merchandise, and initially launching the UFO Catcher crane into Europe. Smith, with a background in the toy and licensing industry, will also be looking to acquire new licences for Sega to capitalise on.

The expansion comes as part of Sega’s much publicized aggressive five-year expansion policy. The first sign of the policy having effect was an internal restructure followed by the manufacturer taking the spares business back in house.

A well known figure in the toy industry Smith has had an extensive career covering sales, promotion and licensing roles and worked for big names such as Tomy, Hasbro and Coca-Cola. Household name such as Turtles and the re-emergence of Spiderman in 1994 were down to Alan.

On his appointment he commented, “I will be looking to bring my expertise and knowledge of the toy world to Sega and open up new avenues of business and income streams; it is clear the company has massive plans but also that the income forecast cannot all come from traditional amusement sources”.

Paul Williams welcomed the new team member by saying “that he was delighted that Alan had been able to dedicate his full attention the Sega. This opens up a whole new business to us and is a key part of our expansion going forward”.

The full kids’ product range will be shown at this years ATEI on stand 2020; taking centre stage, literally with their dance moves, will be Love & Berry flanked by the Dinosaurking and Mushiking titles.

Alan is photographed with Sonic the Hedgehog, a valuable licence property that will be put to good use in his hands moving forward.

It’s not as good as when SEGA employed a girl in hotpants but is still good news that it’s hiring people instead of making hundreds redundant like it used to.

“Sony’s PlayStation 3 has also picked up the CES Best of Innovations Award for 2007, PC World’s 20 Most Innovative Products Award”

You LITERALLY could not make ANY OF THIS UP:

Sony Computer Entertainment America Wins Emmy Award for PLAYSTATION3 SIXAXIS Wireless Controller

PLAYSTATION 3 Receives Multiple Awards and Honors at CES 2007

LAS VEGAS, January 8, 2007 – Sony Computer Entertainment America (SCEA) today announced that it has been recognized by the National Academy of Television Arts & Sciences with a Technology and Engineering Emmy Award for the PLAYSTATION3 (PS3) computer entertainment system’s SIXAXIS wireless controller. SCEA will receive this distinguished honor at an awards presentation being held tonight at the International Consumer Electronics Show (CES) 2007 in Las Vegas.

The SIXAXIS wireless controller comes standard with PS3 and enables gamers to harness the potential of the world’s most powerful computer entertainment system. Developed by refining the popular original PlayStation controller, the de facto standard in gaming with several hundred millions units shipped worldwide, the SIXAXIS wireless controller features motion-sensing technology to detect natural and intuitive movements for real-time and high precision interactive play, acting as a natural extension of the user’s body.

Further illustrating its industry leadership, SCEA will be honored with several other awards at CES for the powerful technology and innovative engineering behind PS3 including the CES Best of Innovations Award for 2007, PC World’s 20 Most Innovative Products Award, Sound & Vision’s Editor’s Choice Award and Digital Entertainment Group’s (DEG) Emiel N. Petrone Digital Innovation Award.

“The overwhelming consumer demand and critical acclaim for PS3 is a testament of the platform’s strength and the industry’s desire for a true next-generation entertainment system,” said Jack Tretton, president and CEO, SCEA. “The full potential of this powerful machine has yet to be realized – what you’ve seen so far is just a taste of what will be on the table for 2007 and years to come.”

Final proof that most idiots in the industry really do believe what the press releases that appear in their email inboxes say. What next? An award for the idea of putting PS3 in a cardboard box? An award from the Electricity Council for exemplary use of power? Some days all you can do is shake your head and wait until the memories fade and start hurting less.