They’ve sold ANOTHER ONE!

Riotous scenes in downtown Shinjuku!

A sensational debut at number 5 in the Gamespress “Most Downloaded” assets list, which means everyone’s ALREADY excited about OutRun 2006 on PS2, PSP and PC and wants to read about it!

And that’s JUST THE PRESS RELEASE AND LOGO! It’ll easily get to number 1 when the screenshots go up. ROUND 1 TO SEGA!

ABOUT GAMESPRESS:
Gamespress is the site where people who make magazines get their news and screenshots from. Without Gamespress, there would… OH GOD IT’S TOO HORRIBLE TO CONTEMPLATE. It would involve sometimes having to use the telephone, let’s just leave it at that.

Special report for eight people who might care, from our “Man in Japan” (it took us a week to think up that clever way of describing our Japanese correspondent).

Excellent news for fans of Sega/Sammy, 2D fighting games and watching Channel 4 while piss-drunk at two in the morning. Sega’s Fist of the North Star is here, and it doesn’t suck! Even though a Fist of the North Star game that doesn’t suck probably violates some kind of international law, let’s take a look at it.

It plays well, and to make it more Fist-ey they’ve implemented the Guilty Gear instant kill system only now you have to wear your opponent down before it’ll work. That’s good.

Overall score: David Bowie out of ten.

They’ve already sold one!

This puts it several months ahead of schedule.

So we’re told by someone we trust and believe (not with our life, but definitely with Sega news). That’s the entire story. We can’t even think of a joke about it or a reason why Sega’s pretending it isn’t. But there you go. A short factual piece. Here’s a screenshot of OutRun2 on Xbox from last year, because looking at OutRun2 makes us happy:

Happy days will be here again! (March, 2006).

Now known as OutRun 2006 Coast 2 Coast. Breathless, neverending, constant, unbelievably bias, childlike, innocent, loving and tender 24/7 coverage coming soon!

This is reason number one to “keep going” through the winter.

OUTRUN 2006: COAST 2 COAST DRIFTS ONTO PSP, PLAYSTATION 2 AND PC

Ferrari License Brings 12-car Line-up to Classic Arcade Racer

OutRun 2006: Coast 2 Coast is being developed by UK developers, Sumo Digital Ltd, the team responsible for the critically acclaimed OutRun 2. OutRun 2006: Coast-2-Coast is scheduled for release in March 2006 for PS2/PSP/PC. For more information on these and other SEGA titles, please visit www.sega-europe.com

Certain “industry” people often suggest pirated games can damage your games console and can contain secret hidden porn that’ll turn your children into sex monsters.

This is a lie! A UKR spokesman (us) said (here and now) “most pirated games do work, usually are the full thing and a copied game has NEVER damaged any games machine we’ve ever owned”. We then went on to add “We’ve never found any secret porn *SAD SMILEY FACE* and it’s all just a big lie to scare parents into paying 50 quid for games in the run-up to Christmas”.

These sick lies about piracy MUST STOP.

THE TRUTH ABOUT PIRACY:

Not pirating games is COSTING YOU MONEY.

Pirated games usually do work.

You don’t fund terrorism by downloading games yourself through, say, Bittorrent, via, say, Torrentspy.com, then burning them to DVD with, say, DVD Decrypter set in, say, Write Mode.

At worst piracy only funds the bloke you bought it off, who will spend the money on a new graphics card or more blank DVDs.

If pirated games are rubbish, it doesn’t really matter!

The reason non-pirated games are so expensive is because everyone’s a GREEDY CAPITALIST PIG who wants a better car – and YOU’RE PAYING FOR IT.

Widespread piracy among the poor means they have more money to spend on alcohol and cigarettes, shaving up to 10 years from their life expectancy — saving the taxpayer money in the long run.

Buying pirate games from market stalls helps keep Britain’s dying markets alive, helping us hold on to our national identity in these ever changing times.

If piracy is so bad, how come companies are allowed to make DVD writers and sell blank DVDs?

Making the 50 Cent game available for free will greatly affect its profitability, thus making the prospect of a sequel less likely.

Downloading games yourself funds things like paying your Council Tax, which is a good thing!

The only victims of piracy are shops that think it’s OK to charge 50 quid for a new game (Tesco, Call of Duty 2 on Xbox 360).

If you have any more “good things about piracy” please post them in the Comments bit (you have to be registered to post, which is a vain attempt to stop people posting porn, gay porn, Nazi porn and gay Nazi porn at the bottom of every article).

Hello to UK:R special friend Heather Kelley, level designer for Ubisoft and winner of a recent contest to design a sex game. Heather walked away with the title by challenging the idea that a sex game had to be about intercourse. This she did by designing a DS game where the player pets a little blue bunny in order to learn how to masturbate.

The aim of the game is to poke, caress and stroke Lapis The Bunny and observe its reactions until it reaches a state of “Perfect Lappiness.” Or, as we like to say, to “Cream The Rabbit.”

Blue skies: check. Rabbits and rainbows and happiness: check. Wanking: check. Never before has a game reminded us of our childhoods in such a completely creepy way! By the way, we swear we didn’t make this up. You can read Heather’s presentation and experience a playable demo here, but you might find the pictures of Tamagotchis, Nintendogs, monkey’s arses, Harry Potter and the Cat Bus a bit disturbing. What the hell, though! Ubisoft, publish this game and make this woman a Frag Doll!

BONUS MATERIAL: The only thing better than a story like this is when a real journalist gets hold of it and thinks it’s a real game. (Needless spoiler: it’s a woman.)

Nothing will ever beat this one, but this one here for new PSP boxing game ‘Boxer’s Road 4’ comes quite close.

There’s something so endearing about company heads being forced to join in with promotional activities and photography. He’s getting into it, though. You can tell by the look in his eyes. He really believes he can take those bitches out!

Have that, EA! Sega’s Condemned: Criminal Origins managed to outsell EVERY Electronic Arts Xbox 360 game when the console launched in the UK last Friday, which MAKES US HAPPY like our medicine from the doctor combined with coffee and alcohol.

Although Condemned isn’t really a Sega game in that you’re a policeman who hits men with pipes and collects evidence in the dark, not an animal that collects yellow things in a sunny field. Still it’s a good start!

NEXT-GENERATION SCORE SO FAR:
Sega 1 (Condemned, week 1) – Electronic Arts 0