A bunch of Las Vegas hookers ranging from $100 to $250 an hour for a full service (A-levels, CIM, French, oral W/O) have applied to be the living embodiment of Everquest II box-art-girl Antonia Bayle.

And they’ve all got HUGE MONSTER TITS! If this is what they mean by “getting more women into games”, we’re ALL FOR IT!

This is probably the only time it’s ever been cool to work for IGN. Look, some quite pretty girls have been told that THEIR ONLY JOB FOR TODAY is to smile at you. Your self-esteem would rocket up from minus ten to minus five, or perhaps even zero (until you get home and accidentally look in a mirror).

Imagine if you worked for IGN. You’d work with fat, over-confident, loud American teenagers in an office that STINKS of sweat and last night’s dried-up spunk, and you’d only talk about the relative merits of Xbox 360 and PlayStation3 all day, perhaps pausing to sit in silence and play World of Warcraft while eating potato chips for an hour at lunch time. Then, one day, you get sent out to take photos of THESE!

It’s like if UbiSoft had a bigger budget for hiring Frag Dolls. Aleks Krotoski isn’t going to like this, it’s set back the cause of “women in games” by at least a decade. Well done, sexist MMORPG boffins!

LOADS MORE GRINNING, FAKE-TANNED WHORE PHOTOS HERE:
IGN: Antonia Finalists Dazzle in Vegas

“We’ll be pretty much just playing Halo 2 and Pro Evo all day” said clan founder Damien Dvorjees, aka AMBASSADOR_KOSH on Xbox Live, aka COMMANDER SINCLAIR on Starcraft, aka ZATHRUS on World of Warcraft and aka LONDO MOLARI on Guild Wars.

“This joke has probably already been done by The Onion, but we can’t be bothered to check” said clan second-in-command Michael Zorg, on the clan’s official blog.

We’ve come into possession of some brand new, never-seen-before screens of Sega’s upcoming sequel to Feel the Magic (aka Project Rub) for Nintendo DS.

It looks fantastic!

The game utilises the Nintendo DS stylus — poke it in and out of the microphone socket to get the girl excited.

Wi-Fi compatibility lets a friend join in!

Sega’s kooky visual style is as impressive as ever.

Thanks to Virtua Tennis World Tour on PSP:

Then we’re going to imagine Maria Sharapova doing “powerful strokes” for a bit.

INITIAL IMPRESSIONS:
JESUS GOD WOW!!! SONY ROCKS! PSP RULES! 50/10

Just get one of these and a bit of wire or straightened-out coathanger:

PRO TIP: Try to get one that comes with a “remote control” for the convenience of changing channel from the comfort of your sofa.

8231 hits for people saying “Why is there no cosplay porn?” on forums.

1023948 hits for “PORN COSPLAY ANIME FUCK RAPE HENTAI SNUFF ASS GANGBANG” and so forth.

29347 hits for “Welcome to cosplayporn.com, the premier web search and information resource on the internet!”

359312 hits for “This page is under construction. Cosplayporn.com is coming soon! Reserve this domain name NOW!”

236 hits for the Ulala thing we did a few months ago.

9834 hits for people who stole the idea and linked it on their blogs.

450 hits for videos and DVDs of suicidally uncomfortable Japanese girls dressing up as nurses, schoolgirls and tennis players culminating in the removal of their underwear and the disappearance of their abdomen in a snowstorm of digital mosaic.

This.

This is what it’s come to. You can’t even use the internet to find PORN any more. It’s not as if we ask much. Freedom. The pursuit of happiness. JPGs of Shenhua and Nozomi impaled on a double-ended length of plastic.

Ryo can bring the pizza in.

By Consumer Editor Michael Zorg

Confused about HDTV formats? Then be confused about HDTV formats no more!

HDTV BUYING TIPS:
From what we can work out, there are two kinds of HDTV set — EXPENSIVE SILVER WIDE ONES, and CHEAP BLACK SQUARE ONES.

CONCLUSION:
The expensive silver wide ones are probably best to buy because they cost more.

SCORES:
Silver Wide Ones 5/5
Black Square Ones: 3/5

What next for the crusading Miami attorney?

1. People who LOUDLY CHEW GUM
2. Asians and blacks

WHAT YOU WILL NEED:

1. An office re-fitted in the 1980s or early 90s
2. Some imagination
3. A willingness to affect change in your life.

HOW TO PLAY:
Try to calm down a bit. Lean back in chair. Unclench fists and teeth and buttocks. Look at ceiling for at least an hour. Try to calm down a bit more. Imagine each square is something you’re angry about. See angry squares merge and disappear. Imagine light fittings are things you’re frustrated with. Imagine them also joining together and disappearing. Unclench fists and teeth and buttocks again. Go home, and when asked if everything is OK, say “IT IS FINE” and lie down until it is tomorrow.

WAYNE’S WRITING TUTOR SAYS: “I’m a big fan of EA’s FIFA series and I’m really looking forward to getting my hands on the final version. The game is very popular with many other players, especially when we travel together for away matches, and it’s a great honour for a young player like myself to be chosen to be featured on the cover of FIFA,” said Wayne Rooney — IN EXCHANGE FOR MONEY.

“Your face, Wayne. HOLD IT OVER YOUR FACE”