We’ve got an hour to go until dinner’s ready, so let’s LIVE BLOG the Nintendo conference for as long as our hearts can stand it.

We’ve already had enough.

NEW BLOG IDEA: Men who have bought new shirts especially to wear at important events.

Ten minutes of this. The crowd has long since been lost. Miyamoto’s controller isn’t working. This is the future of games and why we don’t currently have a plugged-in console.

LIVE BLOG ABORT.

You have to pity the “hardcore” Nintendo people in the crowd when stuff like this comes on. Do they show brand loyalty and cheer, or mock and jeer like they’ll be doing on internet forums via the hotel wi-fi after tonight’s wank marathon?

Now a man’s complaining about how much prescription glasses cost. He’s got a point.

Nervous Nintendo men about to get a go at standing near some ladies!

At least we didn’t form an inexplicable emotional attachment to Ubisoft in the 1990s, as things are much, much worse for Ubisoft followers today…

The highs weren’t as high for Ubisoft fans, but the current lows seems to be even lower. Image taken from the Ubisoft E3 press event – more pics here.

Time well spent. Hopefully she took regular dinner-making breaks.

More details on the Reddit thread. Submitted by finger-on-pulse reader “Lee”.

…and at this point we turned it off and went out for an angry walk:

That’s WALK.

We’ve been putting them in a folder instead of on the internet, due to public demand. So here they all are at once. This is about six months worth.

If you sent any of these in – thanks. We don’t mean to sound ungrateful it’s just that some people don’t understand and the world just isn’t ready yet etc etc.

Breaking local news from 1996, courtesy of a reader who (a) must’ve been having a bit of a clearout probably after a messy divorce brought on by his incessant gaming habits, and (b) still has access to a scanner. It’s not the top one. Even in 1996, mundane pieces about secondhand goods were deemed more interesting than SEGA news.

Well done, Janet Lowry, for producing an entirely SEGA-related games column. You’d think the SEGA Saturn was winning if you only got your gaming news from the Irvine Herald in 1996.

“Some time ago I sent you an image of my curtains. I saw that you thoroughly enjoyed them. So now I bring you an article from my local newspaper, almost entirely SEGA related. It dates from 1996, damn that’s nostalgic! And it makes me feel old. It was supposed to be a weekly thing, but as you can see its importance was less than that of an article headlined ‘Thrift Shop Seeks Goods’, it soon disappeared. How did I obtain this magnificent piece of history I hear you ask, through work of course, a ‘Time Traveling Adventurer’ to be exact. Lots of Love” – SolidGoldChimp.

SHOCK NEWS: SEGA is re-releasing an old game and it isn’t Golden Axe.

Official words stuff here.

Regional Welsh Assembly reporter on Newsnight? Special correspondent on Israeli affairs for Channel 4 News? Or bouncing around in rubber underwear for the benefit of men on the internet?

Yes, she’s the new special correspondent on Israeli affairs for Channel 4 News. Apparently Jon Snow hired her personally after seeing her showreel.

Videos submitted by a man whose email address doesn’t really look much like a name, so we’ll just call him “Rainski”. More Emily rubber videos on the internet here.

ABOUT EMILY BOOTH:
She co-presented a games show on the TV in about 1996 and 1997. We thought you might need to know that if you’re only 20 years old. We keep forgetting there are people in the world who are only 20 years old.

If this ever went to court, police teams could identify the make and model of that sofa from the fabric print of the cushion, track down all the UK distributors of it, get sales records from their retailers, then cross-reference the data with similar sales records of webcams offering this equivalent of colour depth and pixel resolution.

His front door would be off its hinges within 72 hours. You can’t hide behind a mask any more. We are not living in a 1970s horror movie.

“My friend was watching pornographic web cams and saw this scary man wearing a Sonic The Hedgehog mask. He was somehow able to ward off the terror for just enough time to take a screenshot, crop it and send it to me. Please keep my pretend internet name a secret” – Anonymous Friend of Keen Internet Sex Addict.

We’ve had some great PlayStation associations with murder this year, but you can’t get better than having the UN endorse your games console/violent crime assumptions.

The UN is apparently afraid that a “PlayStation mentality” will soon ENGULF the military world, resulting in everyone dying and suffering and paying £425 for things that are subsequently deemed shit and reduced to £229 and so on.

We’ve had to fiddle with the “back end” of the site and introduce a whole new PlayStation Murders sub-category to cope. Thanks, the United Nations! Sent in by a “Victor” or at least someone who gets off on pretending to be a Victor.