Any week which features that sort of thing has to be a 10/10, regardless of the functional banality of everything else. 10/10.

“I just got back from a gaming conference, and everyone’s grab bag included this fine SEGA-branded pen. This by itself is clearly exciting enough to notify UKR, but then I discovered the mysterious button on the side of the pen.”

“When you press it, the top of the pen lights up and projects a SEGA logo!!!”

“I spent the rest of my day projecting it on various objects and people (pictures included).”

“When it gets dark I fully plan to go outside and attempt using it like the Bat-signal.”

“With luck it will summon Yu Suzuki who will bring me a copy of OutRun 3 and a plate of cookies. Or alternatively, it will attract homeless people. Cheers – Colin.”

“I found a leaflet advertising the products of something called the ‘SEGA Shop’ while sorting through some storage boxes hidden in the depths of the basement storeroom. Since it’s written in Swedish, please feel free to make hackneyed jokes about umlaut diacritics, elks, or Volvos if you choose to publish it. Or maybe you could blame the entire country for David Beckham’s missed penalty in Euro 2004 via the sinister influence of Sven-Goran Eriksson. Be creative – Arvid.”

Submitted by a man who calls himself “Grunty”. Who’d have thought a man who calls himself Grunty would read The Times?

“I just came back from the Electric Picnic festival in Co. Laois, Ireland where Sony had a tent pushing the PS3 and all its wares.”

“Thought you’d be interested in the photos of all the reps working real hard promoting their games. Don’t they look busy?”

“Also, they had a bit of a blurb in the festival newspaper the next day. “Busiest venue on site!” – right, Sony, pull the other one! – Skellator.”

Click it. What can YOU see? It’s probably just a perfectly innocent texture.

Lovely fluid effects. Certainly helps fire the old imagination.

“I have been reading your archives with interest of late. One thing that caught my attention was the mention of the GamesMaster shop in Peckham. It isn’t the only one. I go to uni right next to the Elephant and Castle roundabout, and as a result have spent more time in the hideously ugly shopping centre nearby than any sane person should. In other words, I’ve been there. There is a GamesMaster store inside. I have attached pictures as proof.”

“Sadly, my hopes of being greeted by a xylophone playing cyclops offering game tips were dashed as soon as I walked in the door. They did have a fair number of Gamecube games in stock, which was kind of nice. There was even a small shelf of games for the first PlayStation being ignored in the corner, with a SEGA collection for PS2 prominently displayed above them.”

“No Dreamcast games, however. They appear to have vanished from every single store shelf in London, sadly. By the way, this was in the middle of the day. It’s usually much darker inside than it was when the pictures were taken. Even on sunny days, the Elephant and Castle shopping centre feels like the middle of the night. As a bonus, in the market outside, I found these game accessories for sale, in white boxes with a pale blue Wu logo. Fantastic – Rob.”

Worst week yet. 3/10. Would like to apologise to anyone who inadvertently stumbled across any of this this nonsense via Google. Genuinely feel quite bad about dirtying the internet in this fashion.

FROM AFAR: “Hi UKR. I acquired this item of clothing just to send in photographs of it to you.”

“I would wear it on the street, but it’s a little small. In fact, this one is probably perfect for your frail boy-body, but I’m going to keep it (I might send it to you once the novelty wears off).”

“Also, there’s another whole SEGA tag on the side I forgot to photograph.”

“The snaps were taken in average res using a 2MP camera phone W10 something i? Anyway, no one needs a camera with more meganess than that.”

“Back in 2001, I stole a camera off of Adam Doree he bought in Japan for £900 and it was only 1.3 mega pixels. I still have it too. Have a great day! – Stefan.”