And so it came to pass.

Like this. A photo in which a man has made himself look like Sonic, no doubt to fuel his SICK masturbatory fantasies.

We hope that’s going to rub off.

This is what we look like, isn’t it?

This is very frightening. The police really should get involved now, before something serious happens. Something involving this man, his workplace, a vast personal collection of weaponry and very messy suicide.

Hopefully this was made just for us and isn’t just stolen off (of) some internet forum.

HOW IT CAME TO BE: “I found this picture, taken in Richmond Park circa 1993. I have cropped one particular area which shows a GIANT SONIC KITE which I thought might interest you. As I write this I think I may have sent it before, and you obviously didn’t like it then, so won’t be liking it now. But I’m a bit bored of wanking temporarily. So enjoy the picture, and if you have a slow day or wish to ‘bury bad news’ this might be perfect. The resolution is poor, as it is a pre-digital picture :( Have a gratifying day.”

The third-last thing the world needs more of is PDF magazines. Not only is The Player a PDF magazine, and therefore literally unreadable without doing something out of the ordinary, but it’s also only available as a zipped file. And it runs MSN conversations between the staff as features. Even Edge never stooped that far up its own arse.

The second-last thing the world needs more of is NINE PAGE interviews with Kieron Gillen, conducted by the sort of people who aspire to one day be like Kieron Gillen if they keep plugging away on that irreverent blog of theirs. NINE PAGES!

And the actual last thing the world needs more of is a FULL PAGE PHOTO of Kieron Gillen’s face, especially not if you’ve just bought a 20″ monitor and are yet to turn the brightness down. There’s nothing that bad about Kieron’s face in particular, it just creates a general feeling of rage.

There’s something so brilliantly sexist about SEGA’s arcade division. They’re always pulling stunts like this. Like when they hired a woman. If only this sort of behaviour wasn’t dying out.

It’s that rubbish wonky-faced Sonic again. This isn’t fair. We have wonky faces, yet are never surrounded by hot SEGA girls.

New desktop image! Loads of SEGA girls, plus room for icons in the roof and floor bit. Perfect.

New desktop image! Loads of SEGA girls, plus room for icons in the roof and floor bit, plus a slightly better arrangement of girls. The photographer was clearly growing in confidence by this point and was happy telling the women how to pose.

We should thank The Man who sent us these photos. We trust enough time has passed for you not to get in trouble over this.

“Better get one of them”

The man on the left clearly thinks he’s the only one with a chance with the ladies, thanks to being younger.

Our money’s on the man in the middle, though, as he probably paid for them and mini-bused them in from Kings Cross, so gets first pick.

This is what happens when loads of men who work on an industrial estate all year get given a budget to attend a trade show. Models and tight t-shirts.

The man on the right has got a bit of red-eye going on and looks like a monster about to pounce. It is somehow perfect.

Sadly, the photos are taken with an entry level camera that doesn’t capture the glory of this moment. We suspect these may even be high-end cameraphone shots. There was a boy out there doing a man’s job.

Next year we are going to ATEI with at least 10 megapixels at our disposal. We will also get closer. That’s a promise.

From “a rather disappointing ride at a recent fireworks festival”.

FROM JOE: “I found some old home video footage of my trip to SEGA World back in 1999. It’s not much but it’s got the entrance way, two Sonic statues and a view outside the building. You can see it here or I can upload it somewhere else if you prefer. Joe”.

The Doomsday Book of video games!

FROM THE OWNER: “Hi there, I was just rummaging through my wardrobe and I found this mint condition 1991/1992 official Sonic yearbook. In the middle of the book there is a ‘fun’ game to guess the random has stars of the time. In one we have Manchester United star Brian McClair and two is Brian’s team-mate Paul Parker. In six is TV star Julian Clary. And finally, 11 is Michael Jackson with Sega’s UK champion, who I think looks a bit like Brian McClair.”

Well, we’d stand a better chance if you’d done a better job of taking the photo.

The internet would’ve had a field day with this, had the internet existed in a mainstream format in 1991/1992.

This second batch of photos came from the angry people at Stupid Fucking Customers.

Andy Crane would appear to think the Game Gear is a telephone. If only! Perhaps then it would’ve stood a chance. It also might’ve needed an extra eight batteries.

Again, the photos are not really of a high enough quality to reflect the majesty of the annual. We are currently scouring eBay for a decent one to photograph at the highest possible resolution under the lighting conditions it deserves.

You can just about read it. Best not to though.

Wow. In 1991/1992, we would’ve gone MENTAL WITH EXCITEMENT at the thought of winning a SEGA Mega CD.

Andi Peters is so rubbish he needs to be told which one he’s controlling! No, Andi, you are not the rocks or the sea, you are the dolphin.

This is where it all went wrong for SEGA. You can’t remove the headphone socket. Listening to the Starlight Zone theme in stereo while playing in the dark is the Mega Drive’s greatest defining moment.

If you have a copy of the 1991/1992 Sonic The Hedgehog Yearbook AND a decent camera AND a sense of perspective AND the ability to hold a camera still, please send in more pics. Maybe one day we can recreate the entire book page by page for future generations.