The makers got well angry with us when we slagged it off before, so here’s something to make up for it. Two screenshots that, we have to admit, don’t look particularly shit or like the work of unskilled children.

The PC tech demo can be had here. It’s three separate and extremely small scenes that just about run on a three-month-old PC that cost £300 three months ago and has an Intel E8200 inside it and whatever Dell is using for free graphics cards these days.

That image right there is what turned it around. Very nice. We still give it six months before the team falls apart amid acrimony and the project is binned, though. No one will want to “do” all of Metropolis Zone in their spare time for free.

Front page news on local newspapers in Staffordshire. Last year. For one edition.

“Here’s another photo to add to your collection. It’s out of the daily newspaper for Staffordshire ‘The Sentinel’. It was even front page news for the first edition, which shows how desperate for newsworthy stories we can be in Stoke on Trent. It’s Sonic visiting a local primary school, nice blur effects I must say, even though he’s Standing still. Enjoy – Al.”

There is, you will be amazed to learn unless you are an employee of Ubisoft, a video game called “My Stop Smoking Coach with Allen Carr”. It may also be called “Allen Carr’s Easyway to Stop Smoking” as it’s listed twice under both names.

As with all bizarre games based around teaching you something that really ought to come naturally, it is coming to Nintendo DS. This is how Ubisoft has VERY UNWISELY chosen to illustrate it, presumably because it hopes Glamour magazine or Cosmopolitan might “do something” on it.

Another 100% solid gold Ubisoft classic.

That chair is the Unwensch, available for £129.

“Then I did a video game. Sales figures are unavailable.”

So we might as well. He’s a Sonic CD owner, and Sonic CD owners are fucking cool dudes. And he has two Dreamcasts. Say no more. He’s in the Super Cool Dude Gamer Club and has earned a special favour.

The auction is here. He’s used his duvet as a plain background. It’s not a world-beater in terms of size or content, but it is definitely slightly above average in terms of what most people have accumulated thanks to having a Mega CD and a Menacer.

IF YOU ALSO OWN SONIC CD
Let us know. It’s about time we did a census of all UK Sonic CD owners, so they can be put on the Special List of people that will be excused suffering come the END OF TIME.

Here is a man’s lifetime haul of SEGA oddness. The most terrifying lollipop you will ever see, accompanied by a public information leaflet in which Sonic and Tails warn of the dangers of getting involved with gang culture.

They have almost certainly both been featured on the internet somewhere before, but never before have they been placed upon the SAME PAGE.

“Here’s a couple Sonic things I found. A card with some useful information on it that I found in my room. A Sonic Popsicle. Maybe you could use these for something… maybe” – MrPuppet.

Yes, we could nail this to the front door to scare off visitors.

An alternate collection of several thousand words, written for places where it’s not so acceptable to talk about wiping your penis on the ears of sexy rabbits.

This thing about the order in which the Vaio CS11 series is going to be discounted.

This thing about demographics not matching up. It may have gone over the heads of the readership.

This thing about the latest developments in wanking machines, because, when it comes to wanking machines, we are emerging as experts.

This thing about Kane Kramer inventing the iPod in 1979. We tried to launch a global campaign to get Steve Jobs to buy Kane a Ferrari as a thank you, but it didn’t really take off.

This thing about a woman called Kelly Ripa nearly getting into a washing machine, because you can’t not use pictures like this when they come along:

It’s words, on the internet, largely in the right order. 6/10.

No doubt handed out to ungrateful people back in the day. People who binned them at the time, unaware that they would now be sitting on something worth at least £5.99 on eBay.

“I did a bit of tidying up today and found two Dreamcast tins, one badly bent out of shape, and the other perfect. Just for you, I opened the bent one to see what was inside.”

“A Dreamcast digital watch! Hope these pictures are useful!” – Steve.

“PS: Did I ever email you an mp3 of a Sonic Hedgehog song, or did I just send a photo of the cover? Let me know if you want it.”

No idea. And it’s not really a Dreamcast watch. It’s a very, very cheap Chinese watch that someone at SEGA paid £250 to have the logo printed on. The Dreamcast experience is not reflected in the design.

Belgium! Let’s go to Belgium! It is the promised land! We will be able to walk the streets proud of who and what we are. There will be no more hiding, no more clandestine midnight liaisons with a copy of Bomberman and a Saturn multi-tap.

“Yesterday I was (for my work) in a relatively small town in the southern part of Belgium, called ‘Verviers’. When I was walking down town, I noticed an arcade with a genuine Sonic sign. Yep, it’s the same Sonic picture we saw on the mighty Mega Drive box of the original Sonic the Hedgehog!”

“As I really like your features where you show several places that still carry the SEGA symbolism, I thought ‘let’s take a few pictures for the guys from UK:RESISTANCE!’ So hereby I kindly send you the pictures.”

“Keep up with the good work! And could you might post a link to our (Dutch) SEGA website? It’s at www.segaonline.nl. We attend all events, media trips from SEGA around the Benelux and the rest of the world (Leipzig, E3, TGS). Cheers, Maarten.”

UPDATE:
SEGA puts the SEMEN in Amusement Park. This has definite potential to be one of those jokes where you zoom in closer and closer.

The subconscious reason we love SEGA so much?

Sonic Team may well be trying to erase her from history, but the makers of Sonic Chronicles haven’t forgotten her and her little fuck-me-socks. She ticks all known boxes.

BENDING OVER

HITCHING UP DRESS TO REVEAL BOTTOM/TAIL

NEEDY SMILE

PLAYFULLY SLAPPING OWN ARSE

And fluffy ears to wipe your penis on afterwards. The perfect companion.

Here’s something to go with your Dreamcast shower – a Dreamcast toothbrush holder complimented superbly by a matching soap dish.

Brushing your teeth without making eye contact with your disgusting reflection will be more fun than ever!

Sent in by a man who calls himself “fightingchance” who used his mobile phone camera. Yes, that is it for today.