Carol Vorderman’s got a PSP! We’ve also got PSP! This means when we fantasise about meeting her, it’s now loads more realistic because we know what we’ll be talking to her about before we inevitably have sex with her. Sex that we learn lots from because of how old she is.

CAROL VORDERMAN SUDOKU TO MAKE A STAR APPEARANCE ON SONY PLATFORMS

London, May 2006, XPLOSIV, the multi-platform value range have announced that the ever popular Carol Vorderman Sudoku will be released on PlayStation2 and PSP in June 2006. The addictive and challenging puzzle craze that has swept the globe found a huge fan and supporter in best selling author and personality Carol Vorderman and these interactive games will allow Carol to show you how it’s done.

Let her take you (YES!) step-by-step via live action video (YES!) explaining the methods of Sudoku and revealing handy hints so that you too can become a Sudoku master. If you feel you’ve mastered the methods of Sudoku then the game will allow you to lay down the gauntlet and challenge Carol to the ultimate Sudoku showdown.

As gadget enthusiast Carol said ‘I love my PSP, it fits in my handbag and is really handy for someone like me who travels a great deal.’ She adds, ‘I can’t wait to be able to play Sudoku on the PSP where and whenever I want.’

Sudoku has a huge appeal globally and Carol Vorderman Sudoku is perfect for the PSP and PS2 platforms. The additional formats will add a greater offering to Sudoku fans and more ways for them to feed their Sudoku habit’ said Joanne Fawell, European Product Manager, Xplosiv.

As a self-confessed Sudoku addict, the Channel 4 Countdown presenter says: ‘I have become completely obsessed and a bit of a saddo. I love competitions with friends to see who finishes first. I go for the fiendishly hard one and have got my time down from five hours to under twenty minutes.’ She adds, ‘Mind you I’m told off at home, at work and even in the hairdressers for going “into the Sudoku zone” and “not listening to a word anyone says”.’

Sudoku challenges you to fill in the missing numbers in a 9×9 grid. It’s a game of reasoning, that doesn’t require calculating or special math skills – but instead focuses on concentration and brain power

Starring and presented by Carol Vorderman, Carol will appear in the form of live video and will talk the player through a number of features including:-

Exclusive features to PSP and PS2

· 2 player Mode
· Wireless game mode (PSP version only )

Arcade mode

· Beat the clock!
· Extra time
· Perfection
· 3 strikes and your out!
· High Score table

PS2, PC and PSP Features

· Over 1 million unique puzzles (tbc)
· 4 difficulty levels
· Over 30 minutes of high quality video featuring Carol Vorderman
· Step-by-step tutorial for beginners
· Hits and tips for advanced players
· Intuitive easy interface
· Customisable assist functions
· Ask Carol puzzle solver

Multiple game modes

· Classic
· Career mode
· Challenge Carol

NOTES FOR EDITORS
www.carolvordermanssudoku.com

Christ. This isn’t just straight to video, it’s straight to Google Video.

Although…

Actually…

Come to think of it…

When you look at it like this…

BEST FILM EVER TWO THUMBS UP AND FIVE OUT OF FIVE.

Having things validated is always nice. Like when we found out that other people still loved SEGA and it made us feel less like outcasts. So discovering Girls of Counter-Strike is pretty amazing and life-affirming.

Even though they sound like screechy American teens, it would appear that the majority of Counter-Strike players are young sexy women, dressed in see-through negligees and pink panties with “INSERT COIN HERE” written on.

“GirlsofCS is an online gaming community and nude pinup gallery. We are out to empower female gamers by eliminating the negative online stereotypes towards them.” We’re almost speechless in admiration for whoever wrote this. We would like to shake the hand of the woman who wrote this, because it CLEARLY IS a woman who did, and not a man; a young, scantily-dressed woman. Making an O shape with her mouth and doing stuff with her tongue whilst fingering the scroll-wheel on the mouse and PWNING n00bs.

MySpace continues to astound us and justify our stalking hobby: LOOK! There’s an entire community of HAWT 18 YEAR-OLD CS PLAYING HONEYS. All of them could potentially be our she-bitches.

She IS REAL. The world will know this when we bring her to our house, where we will care for and endlessly photograph her. We will even be gentle and sensitive to her as she sobs in the shower while trying to scrub off the SHAME with bleach.

MORE PHOTOS OF TEENAGE AMERICAN ‘BABES’ WHO LOVE COUNTER-STRIKE:

DIRTY.

DIRTY.

DIRTY.

DIRTY.

DIRTY. Ultimate MySpace stalker resource update provided by guest updater The Cap’n.

Or a snake, as they’re also known. Plus a few bonus ones of Lara Croft Model Karima Adebedidebidet from sexy angles as a sort of Easter gift. Just like the egg, the sperm also symbolises rebirth. So release some. Release some sperm for Jesus (but not while thinking of Jesus, as that’s (a) gay and (b) against the law).

This one’s a bit rude. You can see the bit where her leg turns into her bottom. Respect is due to the photographer for taking the risk of kneeling down to get it.

She’s making eye contact with the kneeler. She’s probably thinking “Oh god, he can see up my shorts. Some sad loser is going to post this on the internet.”

That’s better.

Does anyone else get THE MASSIVE HORN while watching a wet Lara Croft emerge from the water in Tomb Raider: Legend? She’s got big tits, a big arse, strong arms and looks amazing when water is dribbling all down her hot body. We’ve actually considered having a wank over a video game, for the first time since Blaze flashed her knickers in Streets of Rage.

This makes us want to write erotic fan fiction:

See? Are you hot, baby? Does this do it for you too, honeykins? If you’ve recently considered having a wank over Lara Croft despite being nearly 33 years old, please get in touch. We can almost certainly be friends.

Then SHIT LIFESTYLE BRAND Joystick Junkies would like to hear from you! You might be able to help them sell their shite t-shirts that feature such genius designs as a logo that says “Activision”.

Which, reading between the lines, means “We’d like to get some photos of pretty girls in the office. We will then invite the prettiest ones to our parties and try to have sex with them after giving them lots of vodka.”

WHAT’S WRONG WITH THIS IDEA:

It’s six months too late

There are no girl gamers left

It’s for “Joystick Junkies”

A non-anonymous reader called Tom, who we shall call “Tom”, sent us this link to a woman dressed like Joanna Dark from that New Zealand Xbox 360 launch tour we mentioned a bit down the page there.

It’s done quite well. Sorry, “she”. She’s done quite well. Must remember to stop calling women “it”.

This all we have for today. Tomorrow’s headline is “ANOTHER BUNCH OF FUCKING MORONS HAVE PUT A GAMES TV SHOW ON THE INTERNET” but we might remove the word “fucking” to appear slightly less confrontational.

…-ographic DVD magazine cover:

They’re using a photo from about 1999, which brings back memories of spending two hours a day wanking over… anyway. We’ve said too much. People at work read this and we know our mums Google our names.

She’s a whole three course meal of lovely! Plus she’s quite “ample” so there’s enough of her to feed a whole 747 of starving men, should Flight 844 go down on a mountain due to blizzard conditions.

We’ll bite her lips off first, as a sort of starter. They’re OK to eat raw. Although seeing as she’s 20, pretty, and used to work in Top Shop, she’s bound to be riddled with STDs so we might have to pasteurise them first to be safe.

Then we’ll have a couple of slices of belly. It’s fatty meat, a bit like duck. She’s got enough to go round. She’s almost like a real woman!

Eyeballs for pudding, like being on holiday in France.

She’ll probably have died from blood loss by now so the rest of her can go in the freezer for special occasions, like when we celebrate a successful piece of social interaction.

The American Frag Dolls are addressing the (Ubisoft sponsored) Women in Games International thing, where lots of frumpy old women will pretend there’s a reason more women don’t work in games other than the REALLY OBVIOUS ONE about “computers” being boring to most of them.

There’s no conspiracy, ladies, it’s just that little girls would rather learn about make-up and hairdressing than how to compile C++ code and develop portable code for the Maya platform.

Here’s the press release, plus a JOKE BIT we added at the bottom.

All Female Game Team Leads Roundtable Discussion

Thursday, February 9, 2006–San Francisco, CA–Women in Games International, a non-profit organization in the interactive entertainment industry, today announced the addition of the Frag Dolls as speakers at their next conference, Women in Games International-San Francisco. The Frag Dolls are an all-female video game team sponsored by global game publisher Ubisoft.

Women in Games International-San Francisco, titled “Games for Women, Games by Women” is scheduled on Saturday, February 18 from 1 pm to 6 pm at the Fort Mason Conference Center in San Francisco. This conference addresses the myth that women don’t “do” games by discussing statistics, game genres and careers in game development. Frag Dolls members Morgan Romine (“Rhoulette), Kat Hunter “Katscratch”) Ashley Jenkins (“Jinx”) and Emily (“Seppuku”) are participating as speakers at the conference.

FRAG DOLL SPEECHES AND TIMES:

“Nintendogs — why is it so lovely?” by Jinx, 9:45am Exhibition Hall 2

“What is it about football games?!” by Rhoulette, 10:30am, Nelson Mandela Room

“Has he got a better gun than me or am I just rubbish?” by Katscratch, 11:00am Exhibition Hall 2

“I know!!! They should do NintenCATS next!!!” by Seppuku, 12:30pm Jonathan Sands Room

“Why not make it so you look up when you press up?” by Katscratch, 1:30pm Exhibition Hall 2

“Shopping games – a routemap for design” by Seppuku, 2:00pm UbiSoft Experience Room

“Why are driving games always too fast?” by Rhoulette, 2:45pm Exhibition Hall 2

“What’s best out of Puzzle Bobble and Columns?” by Jinx, 3:00pm Meeting Room 3

“What I think matters because I’m such a cutie-pie!” by Katscratch, 3:45am Exhibition Hall 2

We’ve emailed the organisers requesting “glamour, lingerie, swimwear and cosplay photos” of the main speakers to illustrate a news piece. Update soon if they come through.