A man who wishes only to be known as “G” sent this in.

It’s quite good and a much better way to end the week than the thing about Square Enix down below. We are particularly enjoying the cloning work on the floor.

And another one, from “Pingus”, who said it was better in his imagination. As is anything to do with women. Nice attention to detail around the mouth hole.

Rapidly emerging UK developer Terrier Games has listened to you, the consumer, and made a number of key changes to that Sonic game it released late last week. Youths will be pleased to hear that a “skyboarding” level has been lovingly crafted in the space of several hours, while old men who just can’t be bothered any more will be happy that it is now a bit easier.

“I have reworked the difficulty, changed a background and generally spruced things up. I have also added an extra level, where Sonic goes skyboarding. I’m a bit like Codemasters, only less of a cunt and I don’t charge for DLC that fixes things that shouldn’t have been broken in the first place” – Terrier Games.

CHANGE LIST:
– Increased the time limit for Sonic smacking himself up to 15 seconds.
– Put more syringes in the first few levels.
– Removed some of the enemies.
– Put some more extra lives in.
– Got rid of the awful, awful background to level two that hurt my eyes.
– Added an extra level, where Sonic skyboards into Tokyo from a helicopter.

DOWNLOAD IT:
From here.

Get Sonic back to the top by collecting syringes while a MIDI version of ‘Gangsta’s Paradise’ plays in the background. Developed by Terrier Games, which is a man called “Karl”.

MAKER’S DESCRIPTION: “Sonic starts off as an angsty, heroin-addicted wreck, living in an inner-city slum filled with graffiti and gangstas, while an inferior knock-off takes his place in a series of ever-crappier games. While waiting in line for his dole money one day, Sonic finally snaps and decides to put things right. The first few platforming levels involve getting out of the ghettos, collecting syringes to keep Sonic alive. Sonic eventually corners the modern-day Sonic Team, which turns into a giant robot. Having defeated the giant robot and thrown his clone out of a window, Sonic sets out for Tokyo, where he tracks down Yuji Naka and forces him to agree to make a new, good Sonic game. Sonic takes a detour through the mushroom kingdom to kill off Mario, before a final level set in the Green Hill Zone, where all order has been restored” – Karl.

It comes as an executable PC file. We’ve run it and it’s legitimate. Get it here. Haven’t managed to get off the first level yet, though. It needs a bit of advanced playtesting and tweaking.

That’s the game. It did only take “Karl” four days to make from start to finish. Last Friday he said he was thinking of making it – today it arrived in the inbox.

We are currently #1 and #2 on the leaderboard.

If you want to get in touch with “Karl” to discuss a multi-million pound licensing deal or to demand he stops abusing your intellectual property, contact us and we’ll forward the message. We don’t think Terrier Games has a blog yet.

THE PRESS RELEASE:

Sonic The Hedgehog

(c) Terrier Games

Sonic has fallen into a spiral of drug abuse and homelessness. He now lives under a bridge in Hull with a dipsomaniac Scotsman.

You need to help get Sonic back on his feet, and back to the top!

The game has 6 levels. 5 of these are platforming levels, and 1 level is a shooting level.

The arrow keys control Sonic in the platforming sections, and your gun in the shooting section. To fire your gun, press the SPACE bar.

In the first 3 platforming levels, Sonic needs to keep himself pumped up with Heroin. If he does not inject himself every 10 seconds, he will die!

During still cut-scenes, press the SPACE bar to progress.

The game is quite hard, but is completely possible.

Good luck, and thanks for playing!

“Exclusive” in that no one else would want them. Or even bother downloading the 8.32MB ZIP file. Or would actively solicit material like this in the first place. Let’s just say there wasn’t a fierce bidding war with Kotaku over the rights to upload these with a 24 hour exclusivity agreement in place.

In fact, our main interest in these photographs is the way they accurately document the computer desks and set-ups of men in the year 2009.

Look, the camera has accidentally focused on the Samsung monitor instead of the small child’s toy! This update is coincidentally also being produced on a Samsung monitor. A SyncMaster 206BW if you want to look it up and feel a little bit closer to the UKR machine. It has a squarer bezel than Jonathan’s later model.

We hope Tails is being ironic when he pulls this expression. Otherwise, he’s just a bit of a tosser.

Anyway, that’s our stream of consciousness, first-draft opinions done with. Over to “Jonathan” for his actual commentary.

“I can’t remember if you ever did a post on these (I thought you must have since it constituted actual Sega-related news at the time, but I couldn’t find one) but in February last year some reasonably okay looking Sonic vinyl figures to be made by some people called ‘First4Figures’ were announced.”

“About a year later Forbidden Planet started actually offering them for sale on their website (only the Knuckles one is still there, for some reason, and even that’s currently on pre-order). Seeing as my birthday was coming up, they weren’t too expensive, and it wasn’t like I was ever going to get another girlfriend anyway, I decided to treat myself to them.”

“Somehow it took until today for them to actually arrive. So long that I had completely forgotten that I’d ordered them, and any of the initial excitement had long-since faded. As had any excitment for Sonic in general, in fact, as I’m pretty sure most of the internet was as nonplussed as I was by the announcement of Sonic and Sega All-Stars Racing or Sonic and Mario at the Winter Olympics or whatever the hell the latest game is.”

“Actually, make that excitement for videogames as a whole. But I’m sure you don’t care about that, here are some mediocre photos of my ill-gotten winnings. They’re in a zip file with a funny name. It’s slightly too big for me to attach so here is a download link” [WE CAN CONFIRM HE DID AT THIS POINT PROVIDE A DOWNLOAD LINK TO A ZIPPED FILE OF IMAGES]

“As you can hopefully see, the figures are sort of nice, and I suppose they’re just about worth a little under a tenner each if you’re really sad, but I’m no longer sure why I allowed myself to buy them.

“The big Sonic one on the First4Figures website would’ve been nicer, but I’m not paying £100 for that. Or even $100, which will probably be about £100 anyway but tomorrow if things keep going the way they are.”

“Hopefully this isn’t too boring. If you don’t put it on your nice website I hope it at least amuses you for a couple of minutes” – Jonathan.

It was pretty boring, to be honest, Jonathan, but we’re in a mental place right now where the more boring a thing is the better entertainment value it provides as we imagine people reading it and being bored to the point of extreme anger.

We sent Jonathan a separate thank you email yesterday, so there’s no real need to say thanks again here.

Blacked-out windows. Padlock on door. A seemingly innocent scene mirrored in gardens across the country. But the contents list of this shed is not lawnmower, shears, spare garden chair, broken strimmer and dishevelled prostitute – it’s a SEGA RELATED shed.

“Behold my shed painted a ‘shit brown’ colour. While most men choose to fill their sheds with tools or a collection of soft porn mags, I have decided to make mine the smallest arcade in the England.”

“Inside sits my stand-up Daytona USA cabinet. I call it ‘Vanessa Feltz’ because it weighs over 200kg. I won’t power it up because that would be too exciting for the average UK Resistance reader.”

“Conforming to UK Resistance rules of getting closer in each photo I have engaged the zoom facility on my camera to show you how much it would be to play if you ever came to my shed. Anyone with less than a pound will be sent away.”

“As you can see I currently have only 40p to my name and cannot afford to play this amazing game. I was hoping other UK Resistance users could spare 60p out of there Jobseeker Allowance/Money they make from selling drugs in a council bedsit/Money they make in prison making postage sacks or whatever it is they do. Thanks” – Rex Everything.