Hopefully that fabric gradually rides up as her adventure progresses.

She may also be wearing sexy red shoes, having just come from an ambassadorial meeting!

Here are some photos a man took inside a SEGA arcade, inside a shopping mall, in Beijing. In China. We’re really not that desperate to see a photograph of a deactivated Daytona USA 2 cabinet, but they do have some pretty decent Sonic art on the walls.

“More Chinese SEGA love…”

“These were taken today in the very heart of Beijing at one of its top shopping malls.”

“Actually the fire extinguisher shot was taken in Xidan.”

“Sorry about the picture quality – resolution and style.”

“I can head back there with my proper camera if you want better ones? – Oppihippo.”

No, these ones are just fine.

You can’t movie for celebrity tie-ins at the moment. This one’s not so good as Ubisoft is involved, but at least we can have a wank in the bathroom while brushing the bitter taste out of our mouths.

Get a load of the shoes on Willoughby. She’s come straight to the shoot from her discreet Marylebone apartment, where she offers numerous services from £1000 an hour. Poor Fearne had to borrow her shoes from the photographer.

Reach over and pop that next button open, Holly.

UBISOFT SIGNS MAJOR TV STARS HOLLY WILLOUGHBY AND FEARNE COTTON TO PROMOTE NEW RANGE OF VIDEO GAMES

London, UK – 21 July 2008 – Today Ubisoft announced a partnership with two of television’s most popular celebrities, Holly Willoughby and Fearne Cotton, to promote Imagine(tm), a new range of video games available on Nintendo DS(tm).

The new range of games for girls aged 6-12 years will roll out over the next year and launches next month with Imagine(tm) Girl Band, followed by titles including Imagine(tm) Dream Weddings, Imagine(tm) Movie Star and Imagine(tm) Teacher.

Holly and Fearne will participate in a major year long marketing campaign to promote the Imagine range, appearing across all UK media channels in a groundbreaking marketing initiative by a video game publisher.

Holly Willoughby is well known for presenting hit television shows such as Dancing On Ice on ITV1. She will also be taking over from Fearne in presenting this year’s Xtra Factor, the behind the scenes show following auditionees for The X Factor. Fearne Cotton co-hosts the weekend chart show on Radio 1 and has presented a number of popular television programmes and events such as Top of the Pops and Live8. Most recently Fearne co-presented Nelson Mandela’s 90th birthday party concert in Hyde Park.

“We are delighted that best friends Fearne and Holly will be joining Ubisoft to promote our new Imagine range of games. Our research shows that our target market loves watching them on TV and aspires to be like them,” said Jon Rosenblatt, UK marketing director at Ubisoft. “There’s a perfect synergy between what our games stand for in terms of being fun, friendly and inspirational, to how our audience feels about Fearne and Holly.”

Holly and Fearne said of the partnership, “The Imagine range is great for young girls who want to express themselves, have fun and let their imagination run wild.There are lots of games being launched this year so there will be something for everyone. The games are brilliant fun and we’re delighted to be involved in such a big, exciting campaign. We’re also loving being able to play all the games together!”

Fringe games company uses large-chested celebrity in attempt to lure in teen/male demographic, shock.

Such a disappointing photo. We have numerous better ones in the UKR personal archive. If you need to send out a press release regarding Gemma Atkinson, ask us first. We can help with all your Gemma needs, even if you want clumps of hair and used sanitary towels stolen out of her bin (they just cost more).

Celebrity gamer to cut ribbon on UK’s largest electronic games event

Southampton, 21st July 2008: Multiplay, organiser of M Festival – the UK’s largest electronic games event, are pleased to announce that TV celebrity Gemma Atkinson is to officially open the event on Friday 8th August 2008 at Stoneleigh Park, Warwickshire.

Gemma’s first acting role playing Lisa Hunter on Hollyoaks placed her in the public eye and she has been firmly there ever since. She was a popular character in Hollyoaks, playing Lisa for five years and proving her credentials as an actress covering topics of self-harm and bereavement. Due to her characters popularity Gemma continued with late night Hollyoaks show, Hollyoaks: in the City.

After leaving Hollyoaks behind Gemma showed fans a different side to her by appearing in ITV1’s primetime show Soapstar Superstar and proving that she can sing as well as act. More recently Gemma became even more of a household name by taking part in ITV1’s massively successful I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here broadening her fanbase. Gemma also has a part in Brit-Flick ‘Boogie Woogie’ out in August, her 2009 calendar is out in September and she’ll be playing ‘Peter Pan’ at the Royal Manchester Opera House in December.

Gemma is also an avid gamer in her spare time and is thrilled to be opening such an important milestone for the European gaming scene.

For more information about M Festival go to www.mfestival.com

So this is what’s gone wrong with Sony. They’re all on very strong drugs.

At least the flower isn’t saying “HOLY SHIT!” and shooting other grey flowers in a grey space corridor. This sort of thing could turn us.

A selection of other poorly-researched pieces we’ve actually been paid to create.

This thing in which we bravely resisted making references to wanking over Natasha Henstridge in Species, even though we’ve all done it. Often twice in 90 minutes, then a third time from memory in bed.

This thing about whirring noises.

This thing which was part of a compulsory series of updates in which we pretended to be excited about “E3.”

This thing in which we did not pretend to be anything other than bored to eye-gouging by Gears of War 2.

This thing about a TARDIS wardrobe, because even though Dr Who has been dumbed down to such a level that household pets have to leave the room in disgust when it comes on, having your clothes stored in a TARDIS seems like a cool thing to do. Even if you’ll be 35 in two weeks time.

This thing about a cheese grater with a face, because you can’t not use pictures like this when they come along:

You will like it or you will be GRATED. 10/10.

It’s from Ubisoft, unsurprisingly, which has just revealed a game called “Petz Sports” – no doubt hoping that combining several existing things people like will equal success.

A cute puppy, or a signal that the games industry as we know it has been replaced by machines that can turn the results of surveys into finished games in 48 hours?

Regular readers will know we like a bit of Animal Crossing. We even said the DS version was the Best Game of 2006 or any year. And now, after two years of resizing textures, Nintendo has the game ready for Wii.

It’s awesome, because it’s hi-res Animal Crossing. The game we loved then (literally) lost.

It’s a bit of a shame that it looks exactly like the DS game.

Not just “a bit like” but “precisely the same as.”

There’s a video floating around. It has the same sounds. Same items. Same people.

It is simultaneously exactly what we wanted, but also a crushing shame.

This was going to be the game that made us bother getting a Wii.

There’s not much point now. We’ve already collected all these.

If Nintendo’s only putting two people to work on porting it over from DS, we’re not going to bother with the dehumanising trip to GAME to buy it.

This seems to be the only new bit. A jazzed-up shopping area. Great.

The same.

The same.

The same. Great, yet also a terrible disappointment. We are in mental turmoil.

Surely this sort of terrible showing can’t be an accident? There has to be someone high-up in Sony orchestrating as quick an exit from the hardware industry as possible?

Yes, you used to be good, didn’t you? People used to clap, not laugh, didn’t they? Sony’s 2008 showing wasn’t at quite the same level of hilarity as E3 “Giant Crab” 2006, but it got close to previous depths.

HOME (AGAIN): No release date. For a chatroom it’s giving away free. This is going to be the biggest financial disaster in modern gaming, the biggest since since SEGA buried 350,000 32Xs in a disused coal mine in North Wales.

A BUDGET RANGE: Games you can buy on eBay for $9 will be sold in shops for $30. It’s this sort of sound business sense that Sony has become renowned for since the launch of PS3.

RESISTANCE 2: The world’s most generic shooter gets a sequel. Watching a robot giving a PowerPoint presentation of all the prime numbers would be preferable.

KILLZONE 2 (AGAIN): The surprisingly popular sequel to a PS2 game no one really liked. Awesome. It might come out next year, maybe.

RATCHET & CLANK FUTURE: QUEST FOR BOOTY: The name says it all. Stuff like this is not a reason for adults to spend £300 on a console, is it?

LITTLEBIGPLANET (AGAIN): The world’s most niche game, seemingly developed specifically for the benefit of 150 people who post on internet forums. The internet Sony cum-buckets will love it – actual sales to normal people will number in the 100s.

THE REST: Misery. Misery. Crushing pain. Depression. Misery.

THE RESULT: Perhaps 2009 will be the year Sony brings out the big guns. Or reveals PS4 as a low-power party machine.

All hail the film ‘Forbidden Kingdom’ as it contains a Dreamcast during its opening title sequence. Apparently it was due for release here on July 11 of 2008, stars Jet Li and Jackie ‘It’s a Man’s Name in Hong Kong’ Chan.

“A film with Jet Li and Jackie Chan is worth a download, but to see a Dreamcast in the opening credits?! It’s defiantly a trip to the big screen.”

“With the help of technology, as seen in Will Smith’s ‘Enemy of the State’, I have been able to zoom, rotate and enhance the image. Which clearly shows a north American style Dreamcast – Craig.”

ALSO SPOTTED BY “PHIL” WHO GOES INTO A BIT MORE DETAIL AND BRAVELY ATTEMPTS TO USE A SEMI-COLON
“On a recent trip to the USA, I watched a film called ‘The Forbidden Kingdom’ at the cinema. Despite featuring a lengthy fight between Jet Li and Jackie Chan, the highlight is just after the opening scene where we see the hero’s bedroom. If you look under the TV, you’ll notice he has a Dreamcast. Perhaps if this film was released in 1999 everybody would have Dreamcasts and there would be no war and suffering. And no PS3.

“Although the scene only lasts a few seconds, it’s very clear (unlike my bootleg screen grabs). You can probably still have a wank to it; just remember to sit at the back so nobody can hear your sobs of despair.”