Once every two years, regular as clockwork. Here she comes!

Lovely fluid effects. Certainly helps fire the old imagination.

Ages ago, we did this rather harsh update about a trip to the GamesMaster shop in Peckham. To this very day, we still get one or two angry emails a month from someone in Peckham – emails which are pleasingly full of the sort of threats of knife/genital violence you might expect to get from a resident of Peckham.

Well, there is ANOTHER GamesMaster shop! It’s a chain! Or a franchise. This one’s in Elephant and Castle, which is another bit of London you go through on the bus or train while feeling sad that it exists and some people – often through no fault of their own – have to be there.

“I have been reading your archives with interest of late. One thing that caught my attention was the mention of the GamesMaster shop in Peckham. It isn’t the only one. I go to uni right next to the Elephant and Castle roundabout, and as a result have spent more time in the hideously ugly shopping centre nearby than any sane person should. In other words, I’ve been there. There is a GamesMaster store inside. I have attached pictures as proof.”

“Sadly, my hopes of being greeted by a xylophone playing cyclops offering game tips were dashed as soon as I walked in the door. They did have a fair number of Gamecube games in stock, which was kind of nice. There was even a small shelf of games for the first PlayStation being ignored in the corner, with a SEGA collection for PS2 prominently displayed above them.”

“No Dreamcast games, however. They appear to have vanished from every single store shelf in London, sadly. By the way, this was in the middle of the day. It’s usually much darker inside than it was when the pictures were taken. Even on sunny days, the Elephant and Castle shopping centre feels like the middle of the night. As a bonus, in the market outside, I found these game accessories for sale, in white boxes with a pale blue Wu logo. Fantastic – Rob.”

It was a hard week. We fell back on the classic ploy of sneaking anti-Sony statements into nearly everything in a desperate grab for attention. It worked, but we feel ashamed about pretty much all of this lot:

This thing which was last Friday’s go at rousing up the rabble for the weekend. It went very well!

This thing which was a bit more rabble rousing, as it’s really hard to resist when you have access to such a vast collection of willing rabble.

This thing. More of the same. Just can’t help it. They get SO ANGRY!

This thing about a big printer. It’s nice being able to introduce your odd technology fetishes to a wider audience. If just one person goes out and spends $280,000 on a really big printer because of this update, it will all have been worth it.

This thing in which we fail to mask our contempt for some “Halo shoes.”

This thing about the “sexing up” of Bluetooth headsets, because you can’t not use pictures like this when they come along:

Worst week yet. 3/10. Would like to apologise to anyone who inadvertently stumbled across any of this this nonsense via Google. Genuinely feel quite bad about dirtying the internet in this fashion.

These photos arrived. The entire purpose of them seems to be making us sad and angry that we don’t have one of the items in question, possibly even triggering a jealous rage. AND IT WORKED :(

FROM AFAR: “Hi UKR. I acquired this item of clothing just to send in photographs of it to you.”

“I would wear it on the street, but it’s a little small. In fact, this one is probably perfect for your frail boy-body, but I’m going to keep it (I might send it to you once the novelty wears off).”

“Also, there’s another whole SEGA tag on the side I forgot to photograph.”

“The snaps were taken in average res using a 2MP camera phone W10 something i? Anyway, no one needs a camera with more meganess than that.”

“Back in 2001, I stole a camera off of Adam Doree he bought in Japan for £900 and it was only 1.3 mega pixels. I still have it too. Have a great day! – Stefan.”

Is it a joke company? We’ve never quite worked out if it actually exists, is a hoax, viral marketing designed to make something else look better in comparison, or just a Gizmondo-style scam.

The fact that it’s using the same old monkey jokes the entire games scene already got bored of in the late-90s makes us think Gamecock‘s definitely just one big industry lie.

The official SEGA Europe blog – which we don’t officially endorse due to them always deleting our comments, even the innocent ones – is asking for YOUR QUESTIONS to put to the Master of Music (in games) Richard Jacques.

They have used a very old promotional photo of Richard looking sad to illustrate the request:

You have until February 10 to get your questions in for Richard to actually read, think about and respond to! You can take up a small amount of his time – time he’ll never get back.

SOMEONE’S ANECDOTE ABOUT RICHARD BEING IN A GAME AND AN IDEA FOR SOMETHING WE COULD DO AN UPDATE ABOUT
“Hello UK:R, I have an interesting fact I thought you’d like to know: Richard Jacques is in Smash Bros Brawl. No, not as a playable character, but the song Super Sonic Racing, from Sonic R, features, as composed by none other than Richard Jacques. I thought you might want to know this, as it could make a good update when you’re dry. You could do it in this way: make a joke about how Brawl is over-rated and is probably going to be crap. Then you mention how Richard Jacques will probably make you have to buy it, but you will send a letter to Nintendo explaining that Richard is the only reason you bought it, and that he should be given the money from your purchase. You could play with the whole “should I buy it” dilemma thing for a few lines, and probably make a good few sarcastic jokes about various Nintendo characters. You know, your usual. Go ahead and use it, but I won’t cry if you don’t – Sandy.”

And here’s a bonus photo from SEGA’s awesome Flickr account. This is one of SEGA Europe’s meeting rooms! Those youths are taking photos of a PowerPoint slide. That’s displaying way too much enthusiasm.

Staggering sensationalism from the BBC, here, as it criticises Nintendo’s Brain Training for not recognising the odd squawks and weirdly-shaped vowels of people from parts of the UK the trains don’t go to more than once a day.

WARNING: Contains Rory Bremner.

Rico Shen, the amateur photographer who bought us the Microsoft-branded ladies a few weeks back, has been harassing girls at game shows again. This time at the Taipei Games Show 2008. Taipei, we have subsequently been informed, is in Taiwan. Not Korea. Although it could be argued [CONTENT DELETED]…

SPOTTED BY: “UK:R’s intrepid correspondent in the East, Rico Shen, attended the Taipei Games show earlier in the year. Not much happened other than the unveiling of a coloured PS2 and the goods are nowhere near as spectacular as Rico’s earlier offerings.”

“But given that you must be really scraping the barrel in terms of updates by just posting a raw Wikipedia dump, you might want to take a look at his latest set.

“This is one of the few usable pics, featuring the most in your face branding of a woman possible.”

“That might be worth something. It is live, unscripted holding, quite brave from a developing nation like Taiwan. Lee Jie-Shing on the right must really show a bit more teeth if she’s to last in this cut throat industry.”

“Please keep my name and email handle out of it if you see any of those images fit for update – Mr XXX X. XXXXXXXX.”

Look into her eyes. She’s clearly terrified. If you’re not used to seeing barely masked terror in the eyes of a lady, trust us. That’s what it looks like.

Korean girl band Siren was there. They are clearly struggling a bit if they have been reduced to attending games shows in Taiwan.

Would like to know/read the backstory behind that couple, particularly regarding how they came up with the ideas for their hair.

Taiwanese Hellgate cosplay. Remember this image, you will almost certainly never see Taiwanese Hellgate cosplay ever again.

Yes, I will have a leaflet, please. Thank you. What a lovely leaflet. Very glossy. Nice full colour repro. Are any of you also prostitutes?

What is this? A joke? Some sort of bet about who can “get on” UKR first? The deluded idea of a madman who has burned all his bridges and has literally nowhere else left to turn?

“Some days ago, I was walking around a forest in Madrid, when I saw… THIS. I am sure you know how to us this material. Best regards! – Bor.”

No, Bor, we don’t. We have literally NO IDEA what to do with a photograph of a Dreamcast controller box someone claims to have found in a forest under a tree. There’s no training course for dealing with stuff like this.

Five out of what seems like the 27,000 updates we have lovingly cobbled together for some other bits of the internet over the last week.

This thing which is a textbook piece of rabble-rousing. They fall for it every single time! Wasting the energy of PS3 fans like this is one of the many ways we fight. If one man doesn’t go out to the shops to buy a PS3 game because he’s busy slagging people off on the internet today, it will have been worth it.

This thing where we did more purposeful rabble-rousing again two days later, to see if they’d fall for it twice in one week. They did!

This thing about experimental teenage dress-up activity.

This thing about adding vibration to Sony’s rubbish SIXAXIS controller, because we are contractually obliged to occasionally write something about Sony products. There is nothing in our contract about having to be NICE about them, mind.

This thing about Dr. Kawashima being mental, because we are also obliged to occasionally be nice about Nintendo’s “magic wand” machine.

This thing about a serious piece of tech and gaming news, because you can’t not use pictures like this when they come along:

Sony slagging. Mild porn. Anger generation. Confusion. Complaints. We can’t give any more than this. “Must click through – 11/10.”