When the people of the Czech Republic talk about video games consoles, they don’t blurt out “PlayStation” or “Nintendo” like it’s still the early 1990s – they go for DREAMCAST!

HELLO FROM CZECH REPUBLIC: “Hello from Czech republic. I like to read UKR so I decided to send you pics from book I found in niece’s hands. It shows many common life things include electronics in form of drawn pictures. The author of book had to be very distinguished as Dreamcast was choosed as example of true video game system (and not the Sony crap) which should be recognized by kids – Eso Rimmer.”

Sadly they also like Macs.

A man has 20 envelopes. He is eBaying them one by one. One of the envelopes contains a piece of paper with “Wii” written on it. If you get that envelope he will send you a Wii.

He won’t just lie about it and have your money, he WILL send you a Wii. A man’s eBay word is the strongest promise in the world.

Once again we find ourselves sobbing over the depravity of mankind. And it isn’t even lunch time.

It’s a Russian face mask from the 1950s, which reader “Shaun” found and suggested we do something with as, at a very long stretch, it could be said to be a small amount like Sonic The Hedgehog.

It’s a blue hedgehog mask. It’s on eBay at the moment. If you had the time and motivation, you could claim this was the original inspiration for Sonic.

A famous person from out of The Golden Compass. The photographer took an uncomfortably large number of pictures of her.

Taken from the goldmine that is the SEGA Europe Flickr account.

She’s called Dakota Blue Richards.

And before you start, IMDB says she was born in April of 1994. Which is only a few days before yesterday according to our battered memory. So let’s be careful out there.

ACCEPTABLE THINGS TO TALK ABOUT: The funny cup, what she’s drinking, if she’d like any more of what she’s drinking, the background, her lovely necklace.

ACCEPTABLE THINGS TO TALK ABOUT: How uncomfortable that chair looks, where did she buy that lovely necklace from.

The above two photos are different.

These are the updates that were more of a chore than a pleasure, compiled from various other “news wires” we have dragged down this week:

This thing about the appalling ‘blending’ trend.

This thing about a sort of flying Segway, which features all the death/suicide references we’re allowed to use in a month.

This thing about an invention called a ‘Walkstation’ which gets treated with the contempt it deserves.

This thing about how one thing LOOKS A BIT LIKE another thing, in a pretty standard barrel-scraping update idea from when there was literally no other news around.

This thing about a woman getting touched-up by some firemen, because you can’t not use pictures like this when they come along:

Lacking focus and occasionally incoherent. 5/10. Next week’s keyword to look out for is ‘polygamy’.

The HMV launch party of that Olympic game was such an exciting occasion that a man had to RUN BACK and get his proper camera, so the event could be captured at the impressive number of megapixels it deserves.

Here is his photojournal of the exciting event.

EYE WITNESS REPORT: “As I left my place of work for lunch I happened to walk past HMV in Oxford Street.”

“Much to my surprise I saw Sonic and Mario jumping around outside, and having their photos taken with under-age Japanese girls. As I only had my crappy phone with me I ran back to work and got my camera.”

“When I got back they had gone inside so I went into the store, and at the back of the store were Dick and Dom presenting the launch of Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games.”

“You may notice that Sonic and Mario needed help down the stairs. It would appear that age is finally catching up with them, and in one photo it looks like Mario is…”

“…about to bum the slightly pregnant lady from Nintendo.”

“I am sure you will appreciate that all the photos are in glorious 3072 x 2304 resolution – John.”

“PS: I need to send you two emails, to fit all the photos in.”

UPDATE:
Actually it required three separate emails in the end, making the total amount of data sent a stunning 20.2MB – a record for a reader submission.

The thieving gypsy scum over at Micro Direct are charging 352 quid for the standard pack. With no free games. This would appear to be a new global record for shamelessness.

Nintendo is holding you down and keeping your arms out of the way, while Micro Direct is unbuttoning itself and preparing for action.

Incredibly it is “sold out.”

Dixons has got some Wiis in stock! The only problem is, you have to buy a four-game bundle if you want one – for 350 quid. And one of the games is called ‘Smarty Pants’. This is the worst deal currently available on the high street, even including giving all your money to a tramp in return for him giving you cold sores.

Everyone’s doing it. Any company with Wii stock is making a killing right now. It’s brutal out there.

And a couple of these bundles are sold out. People are falling victim to this crime. PS: We were investigating Wii prices and availability in the hope of buying a few to sell on for profit, NOT to buy and own.

Quite right, Sony. We have never seen such a poor display of second-rate tat shovelled out in the name of entertainment before. Well, maybe the Mega CD launch came close, but let’s not go back to that dark place again.

And here’s another bewildering decision – Sony’s Christmas PS3 advert. Featuring, as we have come to expect from Sony, NO GAMES AT ALL. This is probably for the best. Showing off the glitchy versions of Assassin’s Creed and PES 2008 wouldn’t really help much.

So here are some weird actors in stupid clothes:

This is pretentious nonsense churned out in the name of advertising like we’ve never seen before. Two sensational firsts for Team PS3!

Great news for all PlayStation3 owners this week. The Christmas line-up is ASTONISHING.

Delivered with fantastic deadpan seriousness by the ever-amusing straw-clutchers over at Three Speech.