It’s Ulala’s “special move.” Don’t be alarmed about the putting of “special moves” into the game – it works very well.

Can you see? The ball has spelled out a “5” in the air to confuse the opponent. This is awesome. And is, incredibly, one of the least-awesome things about SST. Hopefully we will start showing you some even more awesome things about SST over the coming weeks. It is quite possibly the most awesome-packed game of all-time.

We’ve made it to week 15 without getting warned/told to stop, so can only assume no one’s checking up on what we do, or everything’s still going OK. Here’s how we attempted subversion elsewhere this last week.

This thing which was the now-customary weekly rabble-rousing piece to waste the time/energy of PS3 fans.

This thing about cynical Valentine’s Day marketing activities.

This thing about Dixons selling flowers, in what’s clearly one of the least thought-through business initiatives in decades.

This thing which – brace yourselves! – is a look at Tails playing Virtua Cop with tennis balls in SEGA Superstars Tennis.

This thing about maybe having to find a new way of downloading porn in the future.

This thing about the staggering Teclast M30 babes, because you can’t not use pictures like this when they come along:

Any week which features that sort of thing has to be a 10/10, regardless of the functional banality of everything else. 10/10.

Dear SEGA. How come we have not got one of these? You know we’re mad for this kind of shit, especially if it lights up. A SEGA thing that LIGHTS UP! How come we have to hear about it from someone else? That’s what hurts the most.

“I just got back from a gaming conference, and everyone’s grab bag included this fine SEGA-branded pen. This by itself is clearly exciting enough to notify UKR, but then I discovered the mysterious button on the side of the pen.”

“When you press it, the top of the pen lights up and projects a SEGA logo!!!”

“I spent the rest of my day projecting it on various objects and people (pictures included).”

“When it gets dark I fully plan to go outside and attempt using it like the Bat-signal.”

“With luck it will summon Yu Suzuki who will bring me a copy of OutRun 3 and a plate of cookies. Or alternatively, it will attract homeless people. Cheers – Colin.”

The lucky old Swedes got some crazy SEGA merchandise! A watch that says “There’s always time for SEGA,” a superb little rucksack, an Alex Kidd t-shirt that could be worn ironically to this very day and something called a “planbok” which looks like it’s Swedish for “wallet.”

They also used red for “SONIC” – something rather unusual.

“I found a leaflet advertising the products of something called the ‘SEGA Shop’ while sorting through some storage boxes hidden in the depths of the basement storeroom. Since it’s written in Swedish, please feel free to make hackneyed jokes about umlaut diacritics, elks, or Volvos if you choose to publish it. Or maybe you could blame the entire country for David Beckham’s missed penalty in Euro 2004 via the sinister influence of Sven-Goran Eriksson. Be creative – Arvid.”

They say the spiral is a “Bronze Age symbol from the Dardanian Kingdom which held sway in the 4th century BC” but we all know the TRUE SIGNIFICANCE of this potential Kosovan/Kosovanian/Kosick national flag:

Submitted by a man who calls himself “Grunty”. Who’d have thought a man who calls himself Grunty would read The Times?

Here’s something we’ve been saving for a special occasion (desperately low news period) – a sighting of a deserted PS3 promotional booth at an Irish music festival.

The newspaper clipping below it all shows what we are fighting – blatant lies by journalists unable to analyse the evidence for themselves and form rational opinions based on what ACTUALLY HAPPENED, rather than what the press release SAID WOULD HAPPEN.

“I just came back from the Electric Picnic festival in Co. Laois, Ireland where Sony had a tent pushing the PS3 and all its wares.”

“Thought you’d be interested in the photos of all the reps working real hard promoting their games. Don’t they look busy?”

“Also, they had a bit of a blurb in the festival newspaper the next day. “Busiest venue on site!” – right, Sony, pull the other one! – Skellator.”

Either Ryu hasn’t got the internet at home and is actually surprised by what ladies look like down there, or he’s just never seen anything on the sheer size and scale of what Chun-Li is hauling around with her.

Click it. What can YOU see? It’s probably just a perfectly innocent texture.

Once every two years, regular as clockwork. Here she comes!

Lovely fluid effects. Certainly helps fire the old imagination.

Ages ago, we did this rather harsh update about a trip to the GamesMaster shop in Peckham. To this very day, we still get one or two angry emails a month from someone in Peckham – emails which are pleasingly full of the sort of threats of knife/genital violence you might expect to get from a resident of Peckham.

Well, there is ANOTHER GamesMaster shop! It’s a chain! Or a franchise. This one’s in Elephant and Castle, which is another bit of London you go through on the bus or train while feeling sad that it exists and some people – often through no fault of their own – have to be there.

“I have been reading your archives with interest of late. One thing that caught my attention was the mention of the GamesMaster shop in Peckham. It isn’t the only one. I go to uni right next to the Elephant and Castle roundabout, and as a result have spent more time in the hideously ugly shopping centre nearby than any sane person should. In other words, I’ve been there. There is a GamesMaster store inside. I have attached pictures as proof.”

“Sadly, my hopes of being greeted by a xylophone playing cyclops offering game tips were dashed as soon as I walked in the door. They did have a fair number of Gamecube games in stock, which was kind of nice. There was even a small shelf of games for the first PlayStation being ignored in the corner, with a SEGA collection for PS2 prominently displayed above them.”

“No Dreamcast games, however. They appear to have vanished from every single store shelf in London, sadly. By the way, this was in the middle of the day. It’s usually much darker inside than it was when the pictures were taken. Even on sunny days, the Elephant and Castle shopping centre feels like the middle of the night. As a bonus, in the market outside, I found these game accessories for sale, in white boxes with a pale blue Wu logo. Fantastic – Rob.”

It was a hard week. We fell back on the classic ploy of sneaking anti-Sony statements into nearly everything in a desperate grab for attention. It worked, but we feel ashamed about pretty much all of this lot:

This thing which was last Friday’s go at rousing up the rabble for the weekend. It went very well!

This thing which was a bit more rabble rousing, as it’s really hard to resist when you have access to such a vast collection of willing rabble.

This thing. More of the same. Just can’t help it. They get SO ANGRY!

This thing about a big printer. It’s nice being able to introduce your odd technology fetishes to a wider audience. If just one person goes out and spends $280,000 on a really big printer because of this update, it will all have been worth it.

This thing in which we fail to mask our contempt for some “Halo shoes.”

This thing about the “sexing up” of Bluetooth headsets, because you can’t not use pictures like this when they come along:

Worst week yet. 3/10. Would like to apologise to anyone who inadvertently stumbled across any of this this nonsense via Google. Genuinely feel quite bad about dirtying the internet in this fashion.