WHO WOULD THINK ABOUT THIS? “A store of video games in the city of Recife, Brazil. Sonic announcing games of PlayStation, who would think about this!”

COSTA DEL TWAT: “I was on holiday in Spain and saw this dude walking around with a Dreamcast logo on his back. Although I generally avoid taking photographs of topless blokes, I found this funny. I’m guessing he didn’t realise it was a Dreamcast logo and he thought it was just some artsy shit. But anyway, thought you might like to take the piss out of it. Cheers, Chris.”

This one arrived with no explanation. Which is annoying, as it’s the one that most needs explaining, particularly about if it’s a boy or a girl under that embarrassing mess. It’s unlikely to matter in the long term, though, as the chances of anyone being interested in the genital configuration of a Sonic cosplayer are extremely remote. We’re going for girl, as they would appear to be the flabby, untoned upper arms of a female gamer.

Here it is again, just in case you missed it or your eyes/brain blocked it out.

This isn’t really “taking a photo of a booth babe” – it’s stalking a woman going about her everyday business in the street. Look, that’s her suitcase, not an NVIDIA promotional carrier bag.

They’re far away, and the thing they were doing has finished.

What if she turned around? It’s one thing going up to a woman and asking if you can take her photo – that’s quite normal at a trade show. But taking one from behind and quite far away just makes you look extremely odd.

This one sort of delivers, but we’d need to see the front of it before coming to any firm conclusion.

Classic shy man photo. Don’t want to lift the camera up too much, or someone might think you’re actually taking a photograph.

Far away, from behind. 2/10.

Not only is this far away and from behind, the angle of the shot suggests he’s even up on a different level looking over the edge! This isn’t much better quality than you’d get from just zooming in on the show’s location on Google Maps.

Really far away. And with a man in the way for added safety.

They’re not even on duty! The biggest trade show faux pas you can make is attempting to interact with the booth staff while they’re on a break. They’re allowed a break because of laws, and would rather spend it smoking and slagging people like us off, not talking to us and trying to stop us taking photos up their dresses.

Finally – a great shot. That man has stopped in his tracks just to stare at the front of a woman. He may even have his cock in his left hand, such is his unashamed ogling.

FROM FOREIGNLAND: “Hello UK:R! Here are some pictures of a local shop here in Brunei Darussalam that has Sonic on their store sign! Hope you like them! Justin.”

They’ve used the Sonic 3 artwork. This means any task you ask Sonicom Enterprises to do will take ages, cost too much, and they’ll have to come back in a year to finish it properly.

Sonicom Enterprises is basically one man with a screwdriver, a PC and a printer. A bit like SEGA Europe was in 2001.

The use of the term ‘N-Gage Points’ shows they couldn’t be bothered in the slightest. We feel like congratulating them on being so blatantly tired of it all. They know it’s still not going to work, so what’s the point?

KEYWORDS: Japanese, toilet, photo, woman, girl, feet, German, piss.

MAN IN GERMANY SAYS: “While visiting Leipzig recently, I saw Mario and Sonic TOGETHER. They were CROSS PROMOTING that awful Mario and Sonic Olympics game. It made me sad to watch the screen and see them racing against each other. Even worse was that they’d made the game totally unrealistic by allowing Sonic to actually lose. At one point Sonic was being beaten in the 100m sprint by FAT FUCK Mario and a stupid giant lizard thing! Sorry about the poor light quality on the picture, I was too upset to operate the flash. Mike.”

TRACTION ENGINE MAN SAID: “I was at the Pickering traction engine rally and old time steam fair earlier this month when I spotted this fat man and thought of you guys. He was selling balloons and one of them was of SONIC THE HEDGEHOG! That’s about it really, the guy looked a bit like Dr Robotnik in that he was fat and wearing sunglasses. Now’t like him really, but a crappy Photoshop just might make this worthy of a UKR update.”

“What is Robotnik up to now? He seems to be kidnapping children’s cartoon characters and turning them into helium balloons, no doubt using his helium-balloon-o-matic! Exciting stuff, I’m sure you’ll agree. Anthony.”

EYEWITNESS REPORT: “When visiting upon my local gaming store, one named Chips situated on Nicolson Street of Scotland’s fine capital, I chanced upon this sight. I apologise for the photos not being of particular quality, but I was in a rush. However I am sure you will agree that what these show is a true delight: PS3 games, used as a doorstop. Exactly as nature intended. Yours in Christ, S. Robert Blythe”

This had better not be a fake, orchestrated by the staff of Chips, Nicolson Street, in Edinburgh or Glasgow or Manchester or whatever the capital of Scotland is, to get free publicity.

“We have no plans to do so in the standard controller that ships with PlayStation 3. I believe that the Sixaxis controller offers game designers and developers far more opportunity for future innovation than rumble ever did. Now, rumble I think was the last generation feature; it’s not the next-generation feature. I think motion sensitivity is. And we don’t see the need to do that.” – Phil Harrison, Sony, February 2007.

Here’s a photo of Phil holding the current controller, like it’s the best thing ever. Here’s his official biog. This should be all you need for later tonight, when and if Sony pulls a massive and shameful turnaround and announces a rumbling PS3 controller at Leipzig.

Here’s one you can use to be getting on with.