“BE IN THE GAME” WITH… TRAIN2GAME

Train2Game has got enough money out of people to be able to pay for a TV advert. It’s called “Be in the Game” and you can probably imagine EXACTLY how it’s going to look and unfold from that evocative description.

This ad apparently “airs” during “The Gadget Show” on a channel called “Fiver” tomorrow night. Fiver is also how much it must cost to advertise during The Gadget Show.

TRAIN2GAME-TV-ADVERT

You can’t embed the video, obviously, because then everyone would be able to view it in environments in which comment cannot be censored by the T2G INTERNET ENFORCEMENT POLICE. So click here to see it, then come back here with your post-screening reviews.

SEGA HAD BIT-PART IN MOMENTOUS SPORTING MOMENT

No, we didn’t notice this at the time. But then again, at the time (1995) we didn’t have to spend all day looking out for anything that said or looked like or hinted at SEGA for subsequent putting on the internet.

This first image isn’t the video. This is a screencapture from the video, so don’t make an idiot out of yourself by clicking away on it and swearing when nothing happens:

sega-eric-cantona

“So have you ever noticed the AMAZING (hand-drawn!!11) SEGA banner in Cantona’s legendary roundhouse kick performance? No? Awesome! Another update done” – Mr Fab.

This is the video. Click this one to remember when football and video games were both more interesting and unpredictable than they are now.

“SONIC THE HEDGEHOG OFFICIAL BOXERS BRIEFS L 34-36 RARE”

REASON FOR SALE: “If, like me, you loved playing the Sonic games on the Megadrive when you were young then don’t miss your chance to own a super funky pyjama bottom – you will cherish it forever! It will make a super gift for a trendy guy that appreciates all things retro!”

Basically we’re just dropping hints.

sonic pants rare

Seem to be different ones than that ASOS pair. They also come in proper sizes , but you only seem to get ONE PAIR for for nearly £13. Still, imagine how the ladies will react when they get a glimpse of the “SONIC THE HEDGEHOG” logo peeping out above your trouser waistband.

KARL’S GAME OF THE DAY – SONIC THE HEDGEHOG: REALITY BYTES

Karl’s made another game. This one’s a bit puzzling, as it’s got Cream in it but is also a bizarre combo of existing Sonic art with new bits stuck on top.

Karl, you’re too good to languish in the Sonic remake scene. Concentrate on your original in-house IP.

creamscreen

“The plot – Cream must save Sonic so that he can once again save Mobius. The only problem is that Sonic is trapped on a memory stick in the real world whilst Robotnik wreaks havoc. Featuring AMAZING DIGITISED GRAPHICS and a variety (well 2) of gameplay styles” – Karl.

creamscreen2

It’s very, very hard. It reminds us of when mum had to come upstairs and ask us to stop us shouting “CUNT” very loudly when playing Green Beret on the Commodore 64.

DOWNLOADS:
Game here.

IT’S HARD LIVING IN A WORLD IN WHICH THIS SORT OF THING IS ALLOWED TO HAPPEN

Sony’s found yet another groundbreaking use for its Home folly. People put on costumes and do dancing manoeuvres within its empty buildings. We doubt this is what Alan Turing visualised the future would look like when he specced-out his early ‘computer’ concepts.

ALIENS PREDATOR HOME HELL

It’s possibly supposed to be ironic, but this is American teenagers we’re talking about so in all likelihood it’s being taken extremely seriously and people are going to get shot over the outcome.

AVP- Ultimate Showdown on Playstation Home

After battling it out across the universe, Aliens, Predators, and Marines will face off once again in PlayStation Home in the deadly art of dance. Yes, dance. Starting tonight at 6pm (Pacific Time) in the Central Plaza, players can show off their expertly choreographed moves in an Alien, Predator or Marine costume. Even if you don’t own any of the Aliens vs Predator Home gear (and why not!), come out and support the Home community and you could walk away with an Aliens vs. Predator art item for your apartment to be given out randomly at the event!

Special thanks go out to Jersquall and the entire Home Community Volunteer group for making this possible! Show your support and give them a round of applause, we’ll see you tonight for the event!

MAN FOUND SOMETHING SONIC-RELATED ON A GAY SEX SITE

And, unsurprisingly, he would prefer it if we didn’t use his name or email address or even hinted at what part of the country he lives in. And his words were typed into his email software by an actor, so don’t go trying to work out who he is by his typing style. We’ve been caught out like that on more than one occasion.

We’ve also photoshopped the original image, in which the man was revealing his substantially proportioned penis through a hole in the suit.

rubber-sonic-fetish

“Erm, have a look at this, from a popular site where ‘kinky’ homosexualists meet other ‘kinky’ homosexualists. This gentleman appears to be into ‘full rubber coverage’, and Sonic The Hedgehog. In my opinion this is normal compared to the man who gets off on scooter engines ticking over but not starting. Each to their own, eh! Please don’t print my email or name” – Mr Non-rubber Lover.

“SEGA SATURN MAGAZINES JOBLOT”

Our new favourite hobby is spotting these “coming of age” auctions on eBay. Or the “moving out of mum and dad’s house” auctions, where long-beloved possessions and memories are brutally binned in favour of being able to fit everything you own into the boot of an estate car for an easy escape to a NEW LIFE.

sega saturn magazines job lot

Issue 37 is “especially rare” apparently, although we remember it hanging around newsagents for a good six months. It was hard to even look at a magazine stand again after it had gone.

BREAKING: SONIC PANTS DISCOUNTED TO £4.00

They only come in “extra small” so if you’re weak and shriveled get in there.

sonic pants discount

Sent in by a man called “Charlie Tollemache”. And yes, we did these before, but back when they were seven quid. And no man we know would ever spend seven quid on ONE pair of pants – we’d expect to get a pack of 10 for that.

MAN WILLFULLY AND PURPOSEFULLY SUBMITS PHOTO OF HIMSELF IN SEAMAN COSTUME

This doesn’t make any sense. Usually people attempt to bury imagery like this, not purposefully submit it to web sites in order to have MORE people look at it than would’ve looked at it naturally.

We’d imagine his wife made it, and he needs to make up for getting caught with a folder full of photos of [INSERT NAME OF RELEVANT REGIONAL CELEBRITY] on his computer.

Or perhaps he “gets off” on having eight people leaving mildly offensive comments.

man seaman costume

“Note: I was tempted to shave for this outfit for authenticity, but most people seemed to be in agreement that no one has played Seaman in so long he may well have grown a beard by now. Note 2: Intentionally making a grumpy Seaman face. I was actually quite happy to be wearing it” – Joseph.

TERRIER GAMES PRESENTS… CYNOIDS

Karl, who must live in a place where time passes more slowly than it does for the rest of us thereby allowing him to spend more time messing about on a computer for the benefit of a handful of people, has knocked up another of his games.

This one’s called “Cynoids”. The first picture’s the how-to-play screen.

cynoids instructions

“Here’s my latest game, one that unlike the dreadful ‘Imagine: Blogger’ and ‘Minigames of Parliament’ I have actually spent a lot of time on this one. You canput it up if you want. It’s a proper old-school scrolling shooter, like they don’t make any more. It’s the closest I’ve ever gotten to making something of a commercial standard.”

cynoids 1

“Also – the next game coming up (once I have recovered) is Sonic The Hedgehog – Reality Bytes, starring Sonic and Cream the Rabbit… :D” – Karl.

cynoids 3

We made it to the second level. Then had to stop for personal reasons. We’re yet to try Karl’s “Imagine: Blogger”.

THE TEXT-BASED INTRO STORY, BY KARL

Story:
The screaming started early.

Like some terrible, horrible cosmic clockwork giant spaceships descended from the sky, blotting out the sun over landmarks from California to Marrakech. The entire population of Earth stopped to gawp at these monstrosities, great dark shapes above the clouds. The ships descended further, and that’s when the screaming started.

The Cynoid bio-ships were a mockery of science – half organic, half ship, much like the species itself. The craft mixed high-tech pulsar weaponry and bleeding edge killware with docking bays made out of writhing, tumorous flesh.

These ships disgorged their deadly cargo, swarms of smaller ships and creatures of many different shapes and sizes. In London a man was torn apart by a floating flock of purple creatures covered in gaping maws. In Moscow the Kremlin was demolished by a skyscraper-sized leech-like creature with long spindly arms that leaked noxious fluid from its every pore. Paris was totally overwhelmed with purple maggots. They stripped the flesh from every living thing in the city within an hour.

Earth’s military forces were overwhelmed before they could be properly scrambled. Conventional firepower deflected from the hulls of the Cynoid ships like stones launched by an errant child. A battle unit in China faced up to a giant tank with a living, screaming humanoid face riveted to it. Their bullets pinged and rattled off its metal frame. Thousands of rounds chewed into the flesh on the vehicle, great chunks of bloody meat falling to the ground. One of its shining red eyes burst, viscous yellow fluid running down its cheek.

None of it did the slightest bit of good – the tank rolled over the whole regiment, bones crunching and bodies pulping under the vast wheels. Those who fled were blasted apart by the tank’s onboard armaments.

Amongst all this chaos the UN convened an emergency summit. The leaders of the greatest nations on Earth squabbled like a gaggle of petulant children, all blaming one another for their failings. Until Dr Aramosa called for science.

A thin, neat man in his mid-forties, with an eerily emotionless face and equally monotone delivery, he announced that he had a plan to get them all out of the mess they were in. Aramosa had been working on an experimental hard-fusion cannon. His speech nonetheless swayed the chamber, the leaders grasping at the little hope that was being offered to them.

Emergency field tests proved highly encouraging – the cannon could cut through the unidentified dark-grey metal the Cynoids built their tech from. The UN scrambled their tech bods to affix what cannons they could build onto space shuttles, reconfigured to be used as jet fighters and heavily armored to repel Cynoid fire.

They were able to buid twelve. Two of the ships combusted on takeoff, frying the crew and spewing flaming debris over Cape Canaveral. One more suffered from engine failure, and the plane dropped into the Grand Canyon. The pilot ejected, but was captured by a roving Cynoid drone, and taken away to be experimented on.

Of the nine left, you pilot one ship. Between you, you are humanity’s very last hope…