Sent in by a man/manchild/girl that calls itself “Link” and may therefore be some sort of Nintendo sympathiser. Found on eBay. Comes pre-owned so has been worn and might still smell of previous owner, or at least of previous owner’s washing powder and house.

10 pieces? That’s one piece of broken dignity, three pieces of smashed pride and six pieces of shame.

THE FACE COMES OFF.

Sent in my a man who operates under the internet name of “Babook” to stop people finding out who he is, where he lives and the crimes he has committed in the past.

And no, we don’t have a higher resolution version, or any alternative angles of her rolled into a ball.

Cocks out, everyone! PS3’s the anus of another chart. Sony’s ten year plan to become the new AMSTRAD is going swimmingly.

JAPANESE HARDWARE SALES, WEEK ENDING OCTOBER 5

DS: 42,385
PSP: 26,045
Wii: 25,330
PS2: 8,618
360: 8,271
PS3: 7,232

PS3 is getting hammered, into the ground, balls first. As ever, we must state that we do not care who wins. It is all about Sony losing, as justice for all its past LIES and SINS.

About two years ago, a reader asked if we wanted a Dreamcast coat that said “SOE PD” on the back. We said yes. We may even have said “SHIT YES!” and went off to pick it up, a process that involved actual human contact with the owner. It was terrifying, yet exhilarating to get a piece of Dreamcast internal merchandise.

Then we somehow lost the coat before getting around to doing an update about it. God knows how it got lost, as it was never worn or taken anywhere. It just disappeared.

Fortunately, someone else has one. And they paid money for theirs.

The coat itself was bulky and ugly, the sort of thing a person who works outside all day might be made to wear by their employer. Losing it wasn’t that much of a heart break, to be honest, as it’d only have sat there taking up wardrobe space until we died and a homeless charity came to take it away.

“Seeing as you’ve done a few updates about random SEGA-branded kit over the last few weeks, I thought you might like to see these poor quality pics of a Dreamcast branded jacket I got off eBay a few years ago.”

“It says ‘SOE PD’ on the front (which probably stands for SEGA of Europe… something), and on the back it has an expertly embroidered Dreamcast logo. Unfortunately (or more likely, fortunately) I can’t wear it in public because even though it’s a ‘medium,’ it’s far to small for me. Bah!” – Tom.

We have once again defied the will of the general public and pretended to know something about the following subjects.

This thing about how science could make man better.

This thing in which we explain the concept of “books” to younger urban readers.

This thing which is about Tekken 6 coming to Xbox 360 again, as the world needs to be told as many times as possible that PlayStation3 is dead.

This thing about Gears of War SHOES, which definitely warranted the use of an emoticon in the headline.

This thing about the Bruker AKS G4 PHOENIX Combustion Analysis System with Infrared Furnace for Determination of Diffusible Hydrogen in Wide Range of Metals Applications, because you can’t not use pictures like this when they come along:

A mumsy and safe 6/10.

Jesus H Gates. Namco has just told the world it’s bringing Tekken 6 to Xbox 360. Another reason for retards to bother with PS3 blown to SMALL PIECES. Imagine Ridge Racer coming out on the Saturn. IMAGINE THAT NOW. Amazing news.

Here’s a charitable link to CVG about it, should you consider a story on CVG to count as official confirmation of something being real.

Have we ever mentioned how much we’ve always admired the character development and play innovations of the Tekken series?

A year ago we revealed this. Now, a reader who isn’t au fait with the entire UKR archive, has submitted this. A more up-to-date image that accurately portrays the current UK situation – banking doom and murders – via its news boards.

At least some of the graffiti has been cleaned up.

“You probably have this picture already, but not taken at 8.58am on the 1st October. It warms my heart that a memorial to the memorial of S.O.R.’s Axel Stone lives here” – r@v.

Shit food for fat American WoW players and dangerously thin South Koreans who haven’t eaten since Friday for fear of leaving the PC and dishonouring their party. Never before have we been this patronised.

Oh right, so it’s peanut butter and jam that powers all those athletes.

The Pizza Marketing Board will love this association between eating pizza and intelligence, rather than childhood obesity.

Inspired by Winston Churchill, who personally had the Kit Kat invented in early 1940 as a snack to keep him going and strategically alert through the small hours of night in the War Room.

The good thing about Gamer Grub is the people who exist on Gamer Grub will die before us.

SAN DIEGO–(BUSINESS WIRE)–Biosilo Foods today announced that Gamer Grub(tm) has become the official snack supplier of the World Cyber Games (WCG) USA 2008 (www.wcg.com/usa). Through this partnership, Gamer Grub will supply its great tasting, healthy line of performance snacks to the gamers participating in WCG USA at E for All in Los Angeles, CA from October 3 – 5, 2008.

Additionally, Gamer Grub will sponsor the reception for World Cyber Games USA players and VIPs during E for All to honor the top WCG USA competitors that will attend the WCG 2008 Grand Final, held from November 5 – 9, 2008 in Cologne, Germany.

“World Cyber Games USA is extremely excited to partner with Gamer Grub and introduce it to America’s and the world’s elite gamers,” said Michael Arzt, general manager of World Cyber Games USA. “We believe that this new innovative performance snack product is a great asset to pro and recreational gamers alike and can become a ‘must-have’ new accessory in the market.”

Designed for hungry gamers who want to continue playing games while consuming snacks, Gamer Grub is a great tasting, healthy line of performance snacks. With a patent-pending formulation to support cognitive functions, gamers will have the opportunity to boost core gaming systems and speed reaction times for maximum gaming performance. The ergonomic packaging design maximizes fast-action dispensing of the snack – eliminating the potential of keyboard crumbs and greasy fingers.

“We are honored to have this opportunity to become the official snack supplier for WCG USA 2008. We believe we have tapped into a whole new category of peripherals with Gamer Grub and will help gamers reach a new level of performance,” said Keith Mullin, founder and CEO of Biosilo Foods.

Gamer Grub is currently offered in four tasty flavors; Action Pizza, Sports PB&J, Racing Wasabi and Strategy Chocolate. Gamer Grub will be available online and at retail stores beginning in 2009. For more information on Gamer Grub, visit www.gamergrub.com.

This never gets boring. Last week’s Japanese hardware sales chart. PS3 is being outsold by PS2 now. It’s always tragic when a parent outlives a child.

TRY TO MAKE THIS SOUND POSITIVE, FUCKWITS:

DS: 57,847
Wii: 26,314
PSP: 25,671
360: 11,291
PS2: 9,848
PS3: 8,275

Three cheers for the internet and the democratic exchange of factual information it empowers. And NeoGAF, obviously.

Thanks to PS3’s horrific performance it’s now possible to masturbate ourselves to completion over statistical data.

This thing here is being widely reported as a NEW SEGA HANDHELD. It is called the SEGA Vision. It is, as far as we can tell, an extremely cheap rebranded Chinese video/MP3 player.

We are not excited. Which means you’re not allowed to be excited either.

Here.

Here.

Here.