If it looks like Christopher Biggins, and it acts like Christopher Biggins, then it probably IS Christopher Biggins.
This demographic-widening business must be stopped.
filed in Uncategorized on Jul.03, 2008 by Cmdr_Zorg comments (6)
They’ve only gone and done it. The boffins at Sony have managed to come up with the ultimate upgrade to the PS3. A firmware update that significantly improves the enjoyment PS3 owners can obtain from their 400 quid investment. Message boards are filling up with PS3 owners who are overjoyed at the surprising new functionality of their machines.
filed in Uncategorized on Jul.02, 2008 by Cmdr_Zorg comments (13)
Here are some photos of people having fun. They are taking gaming to hitherto unknown dimensions.
It’s the Vuzix headmounted TV and/or monitor.
It brings Facebook to life like never before.
“Ooh! They were eating an ice cream, then suddenly it turned into poo!”
The worst kind of person in the world. Who puts socks on their arms? Anyone who puts socks on their arms is a fucking cockpiece. Arm socks. Anyone with arm socks on can fuck right off. You don’t look like an edgy goth, you look like a retard who has accidentally put socks on your arms instead of on your feet because you’re too much of a fuckwit to understand how clothes work. If ever there was a case for mass genocide, it’s mass genocide of people who put fucking socks on their fucking arms.
You obviously have to be massively over-confident to wear a TV over your eyes. The thought of not being able to see what’s going on fills us with terror. Can’t relax without having every door in clear sight.
Fun.
FUN.
The non-gaming selection of Vuzix photos is over at Idiot Toys. This is an experimental dual-site update.
The inventor even won an award for it :(
filed in Uncategorized on Jul.02, 2008 by Cmdr_Zorg comments (12)
A man sent in a link to this web site. Can you guess what’s supposed to be SEGA about it?
“On the subject of airports and that, have you seen holiday website eDreams? They couldn’t even be bothered to find a lower case ‘D’ to replace the capital ‘D’ in Dreamcast when they copied and pasted the font, so they just renamed themselves accordingly – Matt.”
UPDATE: IT IS NOT AS BAD (AKA GOOD) AS MICROSOFT’S DREAMSPARK(TM)
This is the big one. This is SEGA suing Microsoft for $10 billion, winning, then ploughing the money back into a loss-leading hardware platform.
filed in DREAMCAST LOGO IN REAL LIFE on Jul.01, 2008 by Cmdr_Zorg comments (12)
Would any remaining readers please delete the bookmark and close the browser. Thank you. It’s been a pleasure.
“Well, I’m sure you can understand my delight at finding this fine example of Sega’s expansive social influence on a glass whilst rummaging through the cupboards at a friend’s house in search of something we could drink Waitrose own-brand cider out of. She could not. Further proof that girls suck – RedDavid.”
filed in DREAMCAST LOGO IN REAL LIFE on Jun.27, 2008 by Cmdr_Zorg comments (9)
Another seven days on the treadmill of news. Here’s how we helped in a very small way to lower the amount of useful and factually correct information on the internet.
This thing about what Mr Tan did in his shed. Presumably because he’d rather be in his shed all evening than in the family home.
This thing about some entirely unnecessary annual update. This thing in which Bill Gates reveals how often – and when! – he reboots his PC. This thing about the difference between an “avalanche” and an “OVERLOAD” because it beats having to feign interest in the game. This thing which was an excuse to use a photo of a lady. She gets less attractive the longer you look at her, so only give it a few seconds. This thing about Maria Sharapova launching mobile phone accessories, because we like lady tennis players and you can’t not use pictures like this when they come along:
We’re giving this an 8/10, thanks to the Maria Sharapova update making several readers send us their downtop/upskirt photo collections of hot tennis players.
filed in Uncategorized on Jun.27, 2008 by Cmdr_Zorg comments (3)
A reader had a dream. This is his true account.
Dear Zorg,
Last night, I had a dream.It was a dream of a wonderful place.
It was a dream of a Sega bar, where yuppies like ourselves could unwind, surrounded in various Sega memorabilia. Like Hard Rock Cafe, but MUCH COOLER.
In this dream, I ordered a beer, which came in a pint glass with a huge picture of Sonic on. The beer was coloured blue, and contained caffeine, so you too could feel you were as fast as Sonic. Cocktails came in a variety of novelty shaped glasses, one of which was Ulala, and you could drink a suitably orange cocktail from it. There was a Dreamcast on the wall, and Daytona USA cabinets as far as the eye could see.
I was so pleased that I found this bar that I asked some tall, long haired man in a leather jacket (who, of course, in real-life would not be allowed in due to draconian dress-code rules) to take a photo on my mobile phone so I could send it to UK:R. However, on consulting my mobile phone when I awoke, I found that I had not just fallen asleep in a drunken stupor with the ability to piss a blue stream from all the Sonic beer, but had just had a dream.
This is a dream that Sega must make reality. Please look into it.
Thank you,
Chris
Has anyone else had a good dream about SEGA? Preferably involving a bit more sex than this one. Dreams are not covered by any laws. They can be about anything.
filed in Uncategorized on Jun.26, 2008 by Cmdr_Zorg comments (6)
If you live in Australia, have a poor credit history, and don’t mind taking out a loan at an APR that works out at something like 428%, a Sonic-alike character has a deal for you!
“I was recently on holiday in a town a little north of Cairns, and whilst waiting in the queue at the not-so-supermarket was almost floored with horror when I spotted a severely dodgy Sonic rip-off on a free-ads kind of thing. Sorry for the shit quality but I didn’t have time to find super orgasmic settings as I was getting some dodgy ‘he might be a terrorist’ looks from the staff on the checkouts. Enjoy – Field Officer Lacey.”
Stunning. Audacious. Curved instead of spiked to avoid legal action.
filed in Uncategorized on Jun.25, 2008 by Cmdr_Zorg comments (5)
SEGA made this :(
“Some friends (!) and I were at a run-down, dingy establishment in Boston, Massachusetts, by the name of Good Times Emporium. It was with some surprise that I discovered a rather expansive arcade amongst all of the whores and urine stains, and even more surprised to discover a beautiful AFTERBURNER: CLIMAX cabinet. But it was what I saw just around the corner of this cabinet that SHOCKED and SADDENED me – UNNAMED MAN.”
We can laugh, but it’s probably SEGA’s top-earner in South Korea.
You can buy toys of it from petrol stations in China.
It took over from Street Fighter II as the most common arcade machine across mainlaind Europe.
At least you win “tickets” and not “respect.”
The photo submitter didn’t say if the photos were blurry due to uncontrollable sobbing body movements or uncontrollable laughing body movements.
At least SEGA is keeping its hardware-making facilities operational. One day, they might be put to better use on, say, making 100 million Dreamcast 2s.
filed in Uncategorized on Jun.24, 2008 by Cmdr_Zorg comments (9)
On happy days like this we are not too proud to link to Kotaku or even evil pro-Sony propaganda specialist MCV. It makes those puzzlingly good PSP sales so much easier to take when you know that for every small profit the handheld makes PS3 shits away a few billions.
“The large-scale investment required during the development and introductory period of a new gaming platform may not be fully recovered” – Some Worried Sony Moneyman Wondering Where The Glory Days Went, June 23, 2008.
filed in Uncategorized on Jun.24, 2008 by Cmdr_Zorg comments (8)
THIS IS HOW IT ALWAYS ENDS