Shit food for fat American WoW players and dangerously thin South Koreans who haven’t eaten since Friday for fear of leaving the PC and dishonouring their party. Never before have we been this patronised.

Oh right, so it’s peanut butter and jam that powers all those athletes.

The Pizza Marketing Board will love this association between eating pizza and intelligence, rather than childhood obesity.

Inspired by Winston Churchill, who personally had the Kit Kat invented in early 1940 as a snack to keep him going and strategically alert through the small hours of night in the War Room.

The good thing about Gamer Grub is the people who exist on Gamer Grub will die before us.

SAN DIEGO–(BUSINESS WIRE)–Biosilo Foods today announced that Gamer Grub(tm) has become the official snack supplier of the World Cyber Games (WCG) USA 2008 (www.wcg.com/usa). Through this partnership, Gamer Grub will supply its great tasting, healthy line of performance snacks to the gamers participating in WCG USA at E for All in Los Angeles, CA from October 3 – 5, 2008.

Additionally, Gamer Grub will sponsor the reception for World Cyber Games USA players and VIPs during E for All to honor the top WCG USA competitors that will attend the WCG 2008 Grand Final, held from November 5 – 9, 2008 in Cologne, Germany.

“World Cyber Games USA is extremely excited to partner with Gamer Grub and introduce it to America’s and the world’s elite gamers,” said Michael Arzt, general manager of World Cyber Games USA. “We believe that this new innovative performance snack product is a great asset to pro and recreational gamers alike and can become a ‘must-have’ new accessory in the market.”

Designed for hungry gamers who want to continue playing games while consuming snacks, Gamer Grub is a great tasting, healthy line of performance snacks. With a patent-pending formulation to support cognitive functions, gamers will have the opportunity to boost core gaming systems and speed reaction times for maximum gaming performance. The ergonomic packaging design maximizes fast-action dispensing of the snack – eliminating the potential of keyboard crumbs and greasy fingers.

“We are honored to have this opportunity to become the official snack supplier for WCG USA 2008. We believe we have tapped into a whole new category of peripherals with Gamer Grub and will help gamers reach a new level of performance,” said Keith Mullin, founder and CEO of Biosilo Foods.

Gamer Grub is currently offered in four tasty flavors; Action Pizza, Sports PB&J, Racing Wasabi and Strategy Chocolate. Gamer Grub will be available online and at retail stores beginning in 2009. For more information on Gamer Grub, visit www.gamergrub.com.

This never gets boring. Last week’s Japanese hardware sales chart. PS3 is being outsold by PS2 now. It’s always tragic when a parent outlives a child.

TRY TO MAKE THIS SOUND POSITIVE, FUCKWITS:

DS: 57,847
Wii: 26,314
PSP: 25,671
360: 11,291
PS2: 9,848
PS3: 8,275

Three cheers for the internet and the democratic exchange of factual information it empowers. And NeoGAF, obviously.

Thanks to PS3’s horrific performance it’s now possible to masturbate ourselves to completion over statistical data.

This thing here is being widely reported as a NEW SEGA HANDHELD. It is called the SEGA Vision. It is, as far as we can tell, an extremely cheap rebranded Chinese video/MP3 player.

We are not excited. Which means you’re not allowed to be excited either.

Here.

Here.

Here.

Girl we might conceivably have something in common with AND can easily find full details on how to contact/stalk her via the internet. First one to get her to write “I <3 Vector The Crocodile" on a sign and hold it up to a webcam wins.

“Up-and-coming indie music girl George Pringle wearing a Sonic The Hedgehog cap! – Mark.”

September sales figures for Japan, for you all to enjoy! Nothing gets the weekend off to a better start than putting “PS3” at the bottom of a list.

SEPTEMBER CONSOLE SALES IN JAPAN

DS: 234,477
Wii: 109,548
PSP: 109,274
360: 53,547
PS3: 33,071

ANALYSIS:
Sony will be saved by PSP and its extremely strong software sales.

As well as gifting the world the joys of airport-based Cream The Rabbit fan fiction and homoerotic video game developer photography, we have also crafted the following pig-eared collections of words to go on other bits of internet.

This thing about Oasis.

This thing about when marketing budgets COLLIDE.

This thing about innovations in the battery-charging scene.

This thing about Sarah or Penny.

This thing about a camera we’d have if money was to suddenly become no object thanks to either a series of deaths or robberies.

This thing about what happens when you Google the word photocopier, because you can’t not use pictures like this when they come along:

Another week of this being our job. That’s a 10/10 to us on a personal level, but only a 3/10 for the rest of the poor internet that has to suffer the terrible results.

Included in today’s SENSATIONAL Lie Watch:

Jack Tretton says PS3 sales are “100% up” year on year! (even though last year it sold 9.5m PS3s and this year it plans to sell 10m. 10m is not 100% more than 9.5m, you imbecile)

Jack Tretton says Sony will struggle to meet demand for PS3! (great excuse for not selling many of a thing).

Jack Tretton says lots of other things that aren’t particularly true when taken in context of what Sony has said before and figures that are publicly available.

The full lie-laden article with cunty-chops is here. It is being saved for aggressive future use, as is Jack Tretton’s sphincter, when he gets made redundant as Sony’s gaming division closes in 2010.

Continuing our series of updates in which we attempt to alienate all but the most hardcore of readers by uploading the dullest possible material, we present the work of “Allan” – a man who whiled away the six hours of his EasyJet delay by photographing the inside of Gatwick’s arcade.

“These shameful image-records were captured at Gatwick airport about a month ago. They might work as some sort of filler for a slow news day.”

“I especially enjoyed the Lazy Town lead-filled Chinese clone-toys in the Elaut grabber” – Al.

The most exciting thing about this update is that, we would imagine, photography is not permitted within Gatwick Airport.

Allan could’ve been mistaken for a terrorist.

He may have been arrested and put in a cramped holding cell for 48 hours.

There could’ve only been a shared toilet for him and six others to use.

And several rapists in the same cell.

Then Cream The Rabbit may have been arrested and put in the same cell.

And it was hot in there. So very hot.

So Cream had no choice but to remove her little shoes and socks.

Then her dress.

She smiled at Allan.

Allan smiled back, unbuttoning his trousers.

Cream smiled more, got up and walked slowly over to Allan’s cold steel bunk.

Then one of the rapists got up to use the communal toilet and did a big poo.

The moment was gone. Cream hung herself with a torn up bed sheet six days later, while Allan was transferred to Guantanamo Bay where he still resides today despite protests from his family and the UK government.

Back in January of this year, Sony earned “column inches” by boasting that that PlayStation3 had overtaken Xbox 360 in parts of Europe and was selling at “three times” the rate of Microsoft’s console. We have reproduced the quote for you here:

“…the team here expect to overtake the installed base of Xbox 360 across all PAL territories in late summer,” David Reeves, Sony Europe, January 24 2008.

However, retailer GAME has just revealed official UK sales data which shows Sony has sold 1.4 million PS3s in the UK, compared to Microsoft’s 2.3 million Xbox 360s. That is a VERY LARGE GAP and not what even the wildest of statisticians would consider a close battle.

It is certainly not three times as many. It is more like loads less.

Do not trust this man, anyone on his pay roll or people that transcribe his interviews.

DS: 7.1m
Wii: 3.6m
PSP: 2.9m
360: 2.3m
PS3: 1.4m

Cliffy B was in the UK! The man who has made the stupidest game ever is a pretty sensationally nice chap, even if he has risen to prominence thanks to making meatslabs shout “Holy shit” at each other over the sound of machine gun fire.

Here are some photos from his modelling portfolio, taken in a London hotel. It’s incredible to see a man in the video game industry without (a) glasses, (b) a goatee beard or (c) clinical obesity.

Now, we are not in possession of what you might call a “gaydar,” but if we were, it’d be going off by ringing AND vibrating AND flashing bright red right now. That sham marriage of his is not fooling us.

If we’re not very much mistaken, he also has some “product” in his hair – another sensational video game industry first.

That jumper’s probably cashmere. At least $300. It almost certainly does not say “UNREAL II: THE AWAKENING” on the back of it in faded lettering.

All Cliffy B fans, straight, gay and bi, need to check out his staggering appearance in the “Pets” video series. You will be AMAZED by a man who is both in the video game community AND totally at ease in the presence of women.